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  1. #1
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Questions on how to proceed after first date

    So met this girl online and we hit it off well texting. Lots of good banter. She initially wanted to meet that night with her friends, or before a show the next day. I told her generally I prefer to meet without friends and not to be the appetizer before she goes off and does something fun. She replied later that I was saying all the right things and that she was in to meet wed ( which is the day I had suggested). She would text me a lot and saying things like thats why she is up so late to talk to me blah blah. Of course this is all before meeting.

    We decided to go to a free concert in the park, I brought some wine, she was sweet and brought some snacks. Concert was 2 and a half hours but we spent the whole time talking, and laughing. She's 27 btw. She was smiling and laughing, and asking me questions, feeling good and relaxed. Ended with a hug. I didnt kiss because I was still kind of sick ( which she knew I had been really sick over the weekend) She said I looked like my pictures which she liked so i wasn't a surprise.

    Of course I realize its always key to physically escalate and and there was a little, and touch me a couple times but not a lot. I didn't get the impression that it would be a complete dealbreaker if we didn't makeout, she just seemed very interested to get to know me. I came out of it feeling good. I texted her that night I had a great time, and would like to see her again. She replied that she had a great time and that she got to meet me. For clarity I said are you up for meeting again? She wrote back sure!!!! I really liked our conversations.

    So the next day I texted her something in the middle of the day with an inside joke in regards to all the food and snacks she nicely brought. She responded some funny emoji. So being that we met already I figured would be best to schedule something soon being that im sure other guys talk to her. So I said when are you free to meet up again? No response. Then today no response.

    I know this girl was very responsive before but now its like she saw that messaged went to bed ignored it, woke up ignored it, got busy probably forgot about it. I'm not just talking to one girl but I liked this one and wanted to see her again. I hate this limbo where you don't exactly know what is up. Do I text again today or does that sound needy? It's no big deal would just like to know if this girl wants to go on another date or not.

    Thanks for any advice

  2. #2
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    My thoughts:

    Prior to her ignoring your message, you asked if she would be open to meeting again. She could have read that implication as you not being confident enough to assume she would want to meet again. And when you asked so quickly to meet again, you could have given her the impression that you are too eager. Thus, her non-reply.

    You can text again, but it's the weekend already. Go about your business and have fun first. Get back to her again on Tuesday or so, and state a time and place. Don't ask. Something like, "Friday, 7pm. We're off to ____. Join us!"

    If she responds, you'll know she's interested. If not, that means she isn't.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Jironasaurus For This Useful Post:

    tonystark88 (06-17-2016)

  4. #3
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    Also, consider slowing down the next time. Text first, don't be in a hurry to arrange another date so soon. There's a whole lot of rapport you can build using just texting, and it's a good way to convey more of your personality in between dates.

  5. #4
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    Quote Originally Posted by Jironasaurus View Post
    My thoughts:

    Prior to her ignoring your message, you asked if she would be open to meeting again. She could have read that implication as you not being confident enough to assume she would want to meet again. And when you asked so quickly to meet again, you could have given her the impression that you are too eager. Thus, her non-reply.


    You can text again, but it's the weekend already. Go about your business and have fun first. Get back to her again on Tuesday or so, and state a time and place. Don't ask. Something like, "Friday, 7pm. We're off to ____. Join us!"

    If she responds, you'll know she's interested. If not, that means she isn't.

    Thanks for the advice. You have some good points. I guess the reason I asked was because when I said blah blah i had a good time I'd like to see you again, she only answered with yea I had a good time. Sometimes girls are polite, but since she chose not to say yea I'd like to see you again,etc,etc I decided to to blunt. This is a girl who in text was asking me very direct questions so I figured I'd be direct. I guess the reason I chose to set something up again then next day was because lots of people are busy. I thought if she was free we could meet the following week. Not too eager to to text and call all day , but just have another meeting and see how it goes. My idea in my head (which could be wrong) is that she'd say oh I'm free tuesday and then I would have gone about and let her have her weekend. I feel like its always a fine line with persistance and looking needy. I see someone i like so I go for it. Another problem to waiting for another date is shes got all these other guys who could contact her.

  6. #5
    Honcho is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    You sound needy because you are needy.


    Txt somebody else while you wait on her.

  7. #6
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    Quote Originally Posted by Honcho View Post
    You sound needy because you are needy.


    Txt somebody else while you wait on her.
    No I'm not needy at all. I'm just trying to see this one girl again. I'm already talking to and setting up dates with other women too. I'm definitely not texting or calling her all day

  8. #7
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    Quote Originally Posted by tonystark88 View Post
    Thanks for the advice. You have some good points. I guess the reason I asked was because when I said blah blah i had a good time I'd like to see you again, she only answered with yea I had a good time. Sometimes girls are polite, but since she chose not to say yea I'd like to see you again,etc,etc I decided to to blunt.
    On text, the message is not always not as clear as day. I have had times when women don't even have a "Lol", only to have them tell me later that they find me really humourous, and they were laughing their heads off while texting me. Not even a "haha", mind you.

    This is a girl who in text was asking me very direct questions so I figured I'd be direct. I guess the reason I chose to set something up again then next day was because lots of people are busy. I thought if she was free we could meet the following week. Not too eager to to text and call all day , but just have another meeting and see how it goes.
    No need to be in such a hurry though. Women love having such things happen naturally. Obviously, that's not the case, since someone has to take the lead and make things happen. But the illusion is there. You pushing to meet can add pressure to an easy-going energy between the both of you, which she might not be eager to reciprocate.

    My idea in my head (which could be wrong) is that she'd say oh I'm free tuesday and then I would have gone about and let her have her weekend. I feel like its always a fine line with persistance and looking needy. I see someone i like so I go for it. Another problem to waiting for another date is shes got all these other guys who could contact her.
    Yes, you are definitely right. It's a fine line. Boils down to the energy you give off, which... based on what you are describing, sounds more needy than persistence. But of course, since you're the one describing the situation and not her, it's hard to really tell what she's feeling from you.

    You can't play the game from the position that there are other guys who could take her away from you. The lack of confidence will come back to bite you if she senses that fear of loss. So what if other guys are there? Work on being the best for her, so that she only wants you.

  9. #8
    Honcho is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    Quote Originally Posted by tonystark88 View Post
    No I'm not needy at all. I'm just trying to see this one girl again. I'm already talking to and setting up dates with other women too. I'm definitely not texting or calling her all day
    i think that last paragraph sounded that way. I come off as an ass but I'm just trying to give you outside perspective. I'd let her stew on your text for a few days. If she likes you, she won't forget about it.

  10. #9
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    Quote Originally Posted by Jironasaurus View Post
    On text, the message is not always not as clear as day. I have had times when women don't even have a "Lol", only to have them tell me later that they find me really humourous, and they were laughing their heads off while texting me. Not even a "haha", mind you.

    I appreciate all the advice really. I think it is a fine line. I feel like there is a lot of banter up to the date then you have the date. You can still banter a little but a lot of puas say use the text for setting up the date or phone. I'm a very confident guy I'm just not ignorant of competition so wanted to set up another date. I'm not texting her all the time, asking how she is blah blah but rather just finding out when she is free since like you guys said someone has to take the lead.

    Anyways I realized I had tickets to a show this tuesday so I asked her, she said she would check her schedule and let me know, but the artist was her favorite. So I'll wait and see. Though the vibe I'm getting this time is hard to read

    No need to be in such a hurry though. Women love having such things happen naturally. Obviously, that's not the case, since someone has to take the lead and make things happen. But the illusion is there. You pushing to meet can add pressure to an easy-going energy between the both of you, which she might not be eager to reciprocate.



    Yes, you are definitely right. It's a fine line. Boils down to the energy you give off, which... based on what you are describing, sounds more needy than persistence. But of course, since you're the one describing the situation and not her, it's hard to really tell what she's feeling from you.

    You can't play the game from the position that there are other guys who could take her away from you. The lack of confidence will come back to bite you if she senses that fear of loss. So what if other guys are there? Work on being the best for her, so that she only wants you.
    I appreciate all the advice really. I think it is a fine line. I feel like there is a lot of banter up to the date then you have the date. You can still banter a little but a lot of puas say use the text for setting up the date or phone. I'm a very confident guy I'm just not ignorant of competition so wanted to set up another date. I'm not texting her all the time, asking how she is blah blah but rather just finding out when she is free since like you guys said someone has to take the lead.

    Anyways I realized I had tickets to a show this tuesday so I asked her, she said she would check her schedule and let me know, but the artist was her favorite. So I'll wait and see. Though the vibe I'm getting this time is hard to read. I figure in general most girls would probably respond to find out who the concert was about. It was kind of short messages no real bantering. so I'll wait and see if she gets back no biggie.

  11. #10
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Questions on how to proceed after first date

    Quote Originally Posted by Honcho View Post
    i think that last paragraph sounded that way. I come off as an ass but I'm just trying to give you outside perspective. I'd let her stew on your text for a few days. If she likes you, she won't forget about it.

    Lol don't worry. I was just trying to convey that I'm talking and thinking about other girls too. Even met up with one yesterday, but I didn't really care for. So then my mind thought about this one for min. 2 days since she said she had to check her schedule and would get back to me. This concert is in 2 days so I don't really want to have to reach out, but waiting until last min and she my flake is annoying too. What do you think?


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