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  1. #1
    Man_In_Black's Avatar
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    Arrow How to deal with a rejection?

    Hey guys! I'm so distressed right now! Just been rejected by a girl I truly loved. I donít know how to start it off!

    On the first day of university I had a crush on a girl! As we started to know each other, we became very good friends n I gradually started to fall in love with her. I used to be there for her whenever she needed me! She could share almost anything with me. I, now, realize thatís the biggest mistake a guy could ever make! Cuz I gradually became a 'women therapist' to her. She started liking me as a friend! I got trapped in the ĎFriends Zone!í On top of that, it was becoming almost impossible for me to ask her out! Even though sometimes I could realize that she knew everything! I was too scared to ask out! Cuz I never wanted to lose her.

    Now itís been like three freaking years! Today I told her that I felt something more than just friendship about her. She calmly said that she knew it before. A guy friend of ours already told her about it. But she was shocked. She could not think of anything between us, as she liked me as a friend. She considered me as one of her best friends. But could never picture us together! I told her that I could sacrifice anything for her. I could be anything she wanted me to be. But she said there could be nothing between us except friendship. She would never want to lose a friend like me though. She was repeatedly making sure that this wouldnít affect our friendship. She asked me to be as normal as before! But I didnít know what to say! I didnít promise anything. Just said, ďItís alright. It just happened! N it shouldnít affect our friendshipĒ But, deep down inside, I was dying! I donít think Iíll be able to get over it, at least not anytime soon. I love her like crazy.

    Should I continue being her friend (itís been really uncomfortable for me) or I should simply stop seeing her.

  2. #2
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    Hey Man (In Black).

    We've all been somewhere near to this at some point. I truly wish I could tell you the magic bullet that would fix it and make it the way you want, but your position is undeniable. She sees you as a friend as resolutely as you see her as a lover. All the cards are on the table, and it didn't change anything.

    She asked you to "be as normal as before," but the thing is, it was not normal. Three years is a long time to have solidified this position, and the sheer amount of work it would require for you to turn this around would A) possibly take years B) possibly drain you of all the energy you could be using to live your life.

    Not sure how frequently you communicate, but you need to take a break from her and IMMEDIATELY start pursuing other women. It'll take your mind off her, and you'll quickly learn that you can get the kind of love you want in return.

    You might be able to come back to her as a friend later, but not until you've moved on emotionally. To string YOURSELF along as her friend WHILE you're trying to find love elsewhere will rob you of the opportunity to truly explore love with someone else.

  3. #3
    Man_In_Black's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    I'm not sure if this wound will ever heal bro! But I will try to slightly ignore her. I will not be as responsive as I was before. At the same time, I'll be pretending to be totally unaffected by this! Wouldn't it be better if I remain unaffected n happy (flirting wit another HB), yet nice n polite to her (if we accidentally see each other!) despite the rejection, rather than ignore her as an 'unsuccessful attempt/ unhealed wound.' Don't you think she will actually enjoy it if she finds me upset, still trying to act like everything is NORMAL!

  4. #4
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_In_Black View Post
    I'm not sure if this wound will ever heal bro!
    let me tell you a few facts. It WILL heal. You won't believe me in saying that. You won't take any of my advice. You'll realize in a year or so that I was right. And, you'll wish you had pushed on with your life faster than you did.

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_In_Black View Post
    But I will try to slightly ignore her. I will not be as responsive as I was before. At the same time, I'll be pretending to be totally unaffected by this!
    After conversing with you a little more on this, I think it is pretty clear you need to disengage her completely. For at LEAST a month, if not at least three. And by that, I mean do NOT reply. Ignore. Meet new people, specifically girls.

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_In_Black View Post
    Wouldn't it be better if I remain unaffected n happy (flirting wit another HB), yet nice n polite to her (if we accidentally see each other!) despite the rejection, rather than ignore her as an 'unsuccessful attempt/ unhealed wound.'
    Better for you, or better for her? Think about what would be better for you, not trying to make it easier for her to deal with YOUR pain, and focus on dealing with the pain (by trying to forget about her).

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_In_Black View Post
    Don't you think she will actually enjoy it if she finds me upset, still trying to act like everything is NORMAL!
    No. She sees you as a friend. Friends don't want their friends to be hurting. She cares, but from her perspective, the situation is about how she does NOT share the feelings you do in return. In this case, it's going to be awkward for her as long as its awkward for you.
    Last edited by JonTylerDiPrince; 02-20-2011 at 05:31 PM.

  5. #5
    Man_In_Black's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    I got ur point. Thanks a lot man.

  6. #6
    silence Guest

    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    Hey man, I feel your pain i know how it is to try your best and go all in for someone, just to be turned down, to be "just a friend". My advice to you is simple, theres no easy way to get over this, at times you forget all about it, and in random mooments the pain comes back..but..over time its gonna get duller and duller. So dude just tough out the storm, dont totally abandon the chick, but if it makes you uncomfortable, just ease up being around her...hope this helps

  7. #7
    charm is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    All I can offer you on advice is to go out and sleep with another girl. She turned you down so show your not needy and go fish the pond. Chances are when you do this you will get over her. This will definately dull the pain of rejection and over time you will feel better about this. The big thing is to go out and get back in the game so you don't get majorly depressed. Hope this helps man!

  8. #8
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    ignore the advice not to "totally abandon the girl." It's basically what you need to do. She has a support structure, and isn't likely to need anything from you. And you don't need to sleep with another girl. You only need to see that other girls will find all the great things about you interesting, in a way that she did not.

  9. #9
    Man_In_Black's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    Quote Originally Posted by silence View Post
    at times you forget all about it, and in random mooments the pain comes back..
    This is exactly what I'm going through bro. I'll try to do as u suggested.
    Quote Originally Posted by charm View Post
    She turned you down so show your not needy and go fish the pond.
    I'm doing so! I guess most girls actually enjoy the fact when guys can NOT easily get over the rejection (or break up!) I'm trying my best to NOT be affected by whatever happened. I will not boost her ego!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by JonTylerDiPrince View Post
    ignore the advice not to "totally abandon the girl." It's basically what you need to do.
    I'm totally avoiding her at the moment. But I guess I should stay calm n polite, next time I see her in person. Don't you think so?
    The GAME is ON!!!

  10. #10
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to deal with a rejection?

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_In_Black View Post
    But I guess I should stay calm n polite, next time I see her in person. Don't you think so?
    If being in proximity to her is unavoidable, do your best not to make eye contact. If interacting with her is unavoidable, be polite. "Nice to see you." Then eject without engaging in any other conversation.

    If you're seeing her in person, you're not doing a good enough job staying away from her.
    Last edited by JonTylerDiPrince; 03-10-2011 at 04:26 PM. Reason: grammar


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