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  1. #1
    vasaline Guest

    Default I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    Hi, I'm new here, I told my friend about my ridiculous situation and he recommended this forum. I'm desperate for some proper advice.

    I'm going to try to keep this as brief as possible:

    So back in early December I met a girl in my class at university. We met a few times for coffee on campus and she was always very friendly and I thought she might be into me, so once I casually told her to text me if she's out during the weekend...

    So that same day she did, and we met up in a club, she bought me a drink, and within minutes we were making out. We spent about 3 hours together, just making out, grinding, and I even grabbed her cunt from underneath her dress. It was all very hot. And extremely uneexpected.

    Within two weeks, she's already talking about "introducing you to my mother" and calling me "sweetheart" and so on. SHe's introducing me to her friends, and so on.

    After around a month I still "don't know where I am" with her. We still didn't fuck (or ANYTHING) and she occasionally started to seem distant. I concede it's at least partially my fault, although this was triggered by the fact that two weeks into the "relationship" she told me, in passing, that she didn't want a boyfriend and enjoyed being single. Nevertheless she kept calling me "sweetheart" and baby" and she eventually even introduced me to her mother and I felt she was treating me like a boyfriend. It was all very confusing.

    Some time later, I decide I want to break it off. I just couldn't take her incongruent behaviour any longer. She gets all upset and tells me "What's wrong"... and she confesses that she was acting that way because she was afraid I'd reject her, and that she's been hurt too many times, and that I was treating her like I just wanted sex because I never tried to officialize the relationship and I never really asked her out on a real date. Fine. So I tell her that I did want to be with her. She seems happy.

    Within the next few weeks I ask her out a few times on dates, and she always finds some excuse. I ask her if she's free tonight, and she's all like "I don't know, I'll call you later" or "Maybe, I'm not sure I'm meeting my friends first." Obviously I was never a faggot: I never told her "yeah okay I'll wait at home for your call them". I always just told her that I'm gonna make other plans then.

    So she's still distant, non-committing, and weird, and Whenever I confronted her about it she's like "what's wrong????" and "why do you exeggarate?". Ultimately she admitted to me that she had restarted doing drugs during the weekend and she didn't want me to get into that shit,and that's why she was refraining from meeting me during the weekend. After that I ended up fighting with her again because I again felt she was ignoring me and shit. I'm not going to go into great detail... but it's basically the same old story.

    Ultimately I met her a few weeks ago and I indirectly tell her that it's up to her, and I tell her that I care about her. She tells me that she loves me and that she really wants to be with me and that she just needs some time because she's going through a lot of stress.

    More unexpectedness.

    Since then we met a few times but we haven't even kissed in ages. But she still keeps treating me like a boyfriend: holding my hand, kissing my neck, touching my face.

    I'd just like to know if anyone's ever experience such an inconsistant woman in their lives. I'd like to know what on earth is going on. And please don't just tell me "dude she's clearly not into you, get over it." Fine she probably isn't.. but if that's the case I'd just like to know why she's been pretending to for such a long time. Why does she introduce me to her mother? Why does she tell me she wants to be with me? Why does she tell me she loves me? WHY?


    Thank you.


    Oh, and also, what should I do?

    Ps I tried to keep this as short as possible, if you'd like more details I'll be happy to oblige.

  2. #2
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    Gonna keep this short and sweet.

    You are her security blanket and she likes the idea of someone who cares about her, but isn't really interested in being intimate with you.

    Immediately flirt and date and hang out with at least 3 other girls.

    Do that for the next month and report back here along the way.

    BP

  3. #3
    vasaline Guest

    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    Ok I see. But in that case I wonder what I did wrong? The first night we hooked up she was extremely sexual, and she was still rather sexual a month after that, but then it all slowly came to an end, but she still decided to keep me as her security blanket? Why? I mean it's not like she needs me. She has plenty of close friends, one of which is a guy.

    Also, how should I act around her? What do I do if she keeps acting all lovey-dovey with me? Should I respond to her texts?

    Thanks again.

  4. #4
    InTheMaking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    to clarify - security blanket as in if she cant find someone else she always has you to fall back on

  5. #5
    vasaline Guest

    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    Oh ok, I thought Bill meant that she's sorta keeping me for emotional support or something, like a gay best friend.

    In any case, other than flirting/dating other girls, how should I act with her? Should I just be cool and pretend like all is alright and that I'm not bothered?

    Thanks again.

  6. #6
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    This girl is probably very emotionally damaged, possibly even physically abused in her past. Maybe not by strange uncle dude kind of thing, but having been taken advantage of while around the wrong people or under the influence of drugs. I'd be surprised if she has a dad in her life, or at least a good family experience. You just have to give her what she's giving you. Be her security blanket, as a friend. And tell her you need fulfillment (and I don't mean sex) beyond what she is capable of giving you. Then don't worry about what she thinks or says about however you act with regard to other women you date.

  7. #7
    lagron Guest

    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    Shes using you as a blanket to fall back on, exactly how Bill said, I could not have said it easier...

    With that note...you possess something she likes and wants, but since you're the blanket and shes looking for another guy...that means you are missing something.

    I'm not sure on your interactions and such, but I would say you come across as a bit needy...to me it seems like she wares the pants in this "relationship" you both have....I would change that, take some charge and tell her that you want to know where this is all going and that you have to find someone else if she doesn't want to just lay back and have some fun in life again. Mention how you felt when you first kissed and how tendor her lips felt(speak softly) then ask her if she liked the first kiss you both had...explain how you knew her heart was pounding with excitement just waiting to be released into that kiss like you're released from a roller-coaster....(I am not sure if you think patterns work, or anything....but then just incorporate the "amusement park partern/discovery channel pattern)...don't lean in when you're talking, have her lean in, when you lower your voice and so on...in the end, she'll be getting closer and closer to your face, to hear what you're saying, and you don't move your face, just face her, don't lean in to kiss or anything...(if she doesn't lean, you lean in, little by little...don't kiss...lean in again...don't kiss...)just until the entire patterns over, and now she is really excited, she really doesn't want you as a blanket anymore because when you say the last sentence in that pattern, her lips will be so close to yours that you'll kiss...make it passionate...tell her you want to know how she really really feels about you, tell her she can't tell you, but she must show you. Tell her you want to show her, how you really feel about her, and how tender her lips are, and how fulfilled you can make her...

    .........make sure you're in your bedroom, or somewhere quite/secluded, or someplace like that is nearby...you should basically have sex with her after that entire interaction. You know she wants you, and you want her...you asked her to show you how much she really wanted you, (after you did a pattern, that makes her want you....for sex)then you lead her to a place you can have fun in...you direct her, you command her, you show her you're confident, you show her you're wearing the pants in the relationship, you show her you mean business.

    ....It's probably somewhere close to how I would take the next interaction......I bet you've called her or she called you like 10 times total by now...don't be needy, make yourself a necessity, a prize that she can get if she shows you, not tells you, that she really wants you.

    From Lagron ...tell us what happens...with whatever you choose to do...what I said is not bullet proof, use your imagination, a bit, change it a bit with your situation and well....remember she wants excitement in life, adventure in life...tell her that if she really shows you how she feels, you'll take her to 6 Flags or something as an extra gift from you.

    Also please rep + me if I helped

    EDIT: ...just judging by the title of this thread...you came off as needy...stop it. I would actually go ahead and do what Bill said...find yourself some other love.

  8. #8
    vasaline Guest

    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    Thanks a LOT guys, I really appreciate it and I found all your comments extremely helpful.

    With regards to my neediness... well, really I don't think I am. I always gave her a lot of space I think. I put that title because I'm going crazy from experiencing such incongruence from one person... I've been in situations were a girl gave me mixed signals, but not to such an extreme extent!

    Anyway thanks, and yes I will keep you posted.

    =)

    Ps JonTylerDiPrince you are very right. She is damaged... I think my post pointed hinted at that. Not only does she not have a father in her life, but she was also in some terrible relationships in the recent past. Also, she is currently a full-time student AND has a full-time job. She's only 20 and extremely stressed out. She has a hard life, and honestly I'd rather be her friend than let my ego get in the way and fight with her.

    Cheerio.

  9. #9
    Maxi2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    dont go crazy. sleep a few nights and think what you can improve today.

  10. #10
    Foxy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm going crazy. Need advice.

    There are no such thing as failures, just lessons learned.


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