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  1. #11
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Botched first text

    Quote Originally Posted by ToughCookieGirl View Post
    I won't go out with a guy without an intial (sic) phone
    I'm not picking on you ToughCookieGirl, I'm picking on all women. That's a very un-objective way to filter out your prospects. It's sh!t like this that makes it necessary for "the game" to exist. How the hell would we know?

    "Excuse me, Ms. Cookie. I would like to go out with you. At some point in the near future I'm going to properly court you over electronic mail delivery, telephonic device, and short message services. Could you please inform me ahead of time when I should contact, and what is your preferred method of contact? So I can notate it for my extensive records on WHAT THE F\/CK you like?" .... says Russell Wellington with a broom pole up his ass.

  2. #12
    ToughCookieGirl Guest

    Default Re: Botched first text

    Congrats on the recovery Jack!

    Jon - Just wondering what the point is of having a game if it doesn't work. This is the same thing that 99.9% of the guys do, and it bores me to no end. If a guy wants to stand out, he has to do something different. That something different (plus confidence) is what builds attraction and connection. It doesn't happen immediately, but overtime. The initital phone call requirement isn't a game; it is essential (to me). I feel more comfortable going out a guy based on how he asks me out over the phone - the tone of his voice, etc. I prefer to not be asked out via text. Then again, that's who I am. You have to guage what the woman is going to like (and as I said some women like the text ask-out) and whether it works for you. But, using a canned procedure expecting it to work on all women seems a bit presumtutious. All I am saying is - such methods may work on some, but not all.

    What I am actually advocating for is less initial contact in the early stages, but when you do make that contact, make it meaningful and give her something to remember by being witty and funny rather than something lame about the weather or work. More meaningful could also mean a phone call instead of a text, but you really have to guage her on this. While I don't mind texting to flirt now and then or just texting to confirm plans or say I'll be running late, I prefer the guy be a man and pick up the phone to ask me out in a sincere and confident manner - "Hey, I know a great coffee place where they have a bunch of board games. Interested in doing something like that this Saturday?"
    Last edited by ToughCookieGirl; 03-12-2011 at 11:20 AM.

  3. #13
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Botched first text

    Quote Originally Posted by ToughCookieGirl View Post
    You have to guage what the woman is going to like (and as I said some women like the text ask-out) and whether it works for you.
    You have to gauge, which is very similar to "game," and hence, you can not KNOW, so you must do what works for MOST girls, minus one ToughCookieGirl.

    Quote Originally Posted by ToughCookieGirl View Post
    using a canned procedure expecting it to work on all women seems a bit presumtutious. All I am saying is - such methods may work on some, but not all.
    A procedure is a procedure, which I would distinguish from language. Canned language may work on a lot of women, but what we're trying to do here is identify frameworks which can be used repeatedly that get results. The more abstract, the less likely they wear out their welcome, and the more an individual can adjust to their own style and personality.

    You're welcome to be devils advocate on account of your own preferences, but these procedures are what work in most all situations, not just some. Out of curiosity, what is the size of your sample set (i.e. how many women have you applied these concepts to in order to verify the results)?

    Quote Originally Posted by ToughCookieGirl View Post
    when you do make that contact, make it meaningful and give her something to remember
    Agreed. Just be different, and be interesting. Perhaps you can tell us what the signs are that a girl would prefer to be called?

  4. #14
    ToughCookieGirl Guest

    Default Re: Botched first text

    Most of my close girlfriends (6-7) prefer to be called rather than texted (1 prefers texting), especially as it moves past the intital few dates. There are women I am not too close to who say the same thing. Of course, I admit that I am on the stronger end of anti-texting. The sound of a man's voice is incredibly sexy to me and the way he asks me out has a lot to do with whether or not I feel interested in him. Even if I am not that into him and just mildly interested, if he just comes up and asks me out in person (or over phone so I can hear his voice), I may be inclined to think "Wow, he seems like such a great guy - so sure of himself - I am so flattered he would ask me out - let me give this one a try!" If a guy texts to ask me out, I am postive I roll my eyes. And yes, it happens a lot. Then again, I have a friend who prefers the guy just text her, but even then, she says that she doesn't like it if he only texts after a couple dates and doesn't call.

    If a guy texts me and if I am still interested, I let him know by writing back "Sounds good - let's chat later to figure out the details." One reason I don't care for texting is that I feel like a lot of men want a response ASAP. I actually had more than a few guys get upset and ask me why it takes me so long to text them back. Such a turn off. During the day time, I work in a very fast-paced job, and am constantly running in and out of meetings and trying to meet deadlines. I don't tell them this as I don't care to validate such antsy behavior when we've only been out on 1-2 dates, but I start to lose interest. And I think "Ugh, he was actually cute!" Actually, I remember, I dated a guy for a few months (and this is before I was so opposed to texting) - He once started fighting with me over text! I was in a meeting for a few hours and I came back to several angry texts on my phone. I wrote him back and asked him to calm down and that we'll talk later that evening. I was so shaken up and I had a deadline that I was physically shaking trying at my desk, trying to get my work done and figure out what in the world made him so angry with me. After that, I decided 'no more texting while at work with guys.'

    That said, I love texting / emailing to flirt once we're a bit more established and as long as he doesn't get ticked off that I take a few hours to respond. But like I said, I am the type that finds a man's voice very sexy and I prefer being able to hear it.

    Hmm.... I haven't thought of signs a woman prefers to be called, but here are some off the top of my head:
    1) If she tells you she's not into texting or asks to talk later
    2) If she doesn't respond to texts immediately or within a reasonable time, it may be because she's busy in which case you may just be bothering her by texting over and over again. In that case, just take a break and call her. If she picks up, great. If she doesn't, leave a message - the ball is in her court now.

    I am just willing to bet that most women would appreciate a call and actually find it refreshing than texting. Just my 2 cents. I guess I am learning the game won't work on me, eh?

  5. #15
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Botched first text

    It's clear to me we're arguing somewhat different situations.

    Everything about my position on texting vs. calling in this thread (and in others) applies mostly to procedures BEFORE a Day 2 (i.e. first date). 90% of the conversations on these boards are from green kids who are totally freaked out that they have a number and don't want to mess it up.

    Your position seems to more broadly relate to when more comfort and forgiveness has been established. In which case you're not wrong. After you've had a first date and there is mutual interest in a second date, either will work but calling has more impact.
    Last edited by JonTylerDiPrince; 03-14-2011 at 03:42 AM. Reason: emphasis

  6. #16
    johnmike Guest

    Default Re: Botched first text

    good discussion


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