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Thread: Fail, again

  1. #1
    liltbobas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Fail, again

    I met this Russian chick at an open mic night. SO FINE. When I walked in, she was sitting alone, so I sat down next to her and opened. It was fairly easy to talk to her -- she told me she was new to song writing and this would be her first time to perform. She's the type to throw out insults for herself to fish for compliments (like, oh my song was so horrible, just so you'll say no it wasn't, etc.) I basically was able to play the smooth guy card by just telling her to relax, i'm sure it will be fine. and even if you do really bad, these things take practice and we're here to build each other up, help each other gain confidence, etc. We both performed, and I could sense a building of rapport and attraction with her (especially after I played). Before the end of the night, I closed with her #. I said I could help with song writing and writing lyrics (especially english language stuff). sweet.

    So we met up just a few days later. I picked a neutral, outdoor location, because I wanted her to feel comfortable. We were sitting in chairs opposite of one another, and as we traded back and forth her notebook with lyrics we naturally came closer. By the end of the session we were sitting directly across with our legs touching in between each others, and my hands rested on her lap with her notebook. felt totally natural. we were connecting on many different levels. Unfortunately, we ran out of time, so we had to set a date to hang out again later in the week. In total, we had spent about two hours together.

    She txted me the next day and cancelled our plans for later on in the week. She seemed busy, so I just acted unaffected and whatnot. Didn't text with her anymore that week. The next week, she came back to the same open mic night. This time, when I sat next to her again, she was giving me mad IOD's. 1 answer responses, feet and body pointed away... I sat with her less than a minute, and then pretended to get distracted and walked away. I sat across the room with some other friends, and I saw her repeatedly look over at me with my peripheral vision. Some friends and I were planning on Ihop afterward (free pancake day, w00t!), so after the thing was over and we were all standing around, I said to her, "hey, were headed to Ihop. You should come." She said, "na I think I'm going to get some sleep...", so I just said, OK and looked at my friends, "lets go." she walked with us outside, but I just walked in front talking to one of my friends while the other two walked behind and asked her every question they could think of. I could still sense her focus was on me. We get half way to the Ihop and she's still with us, so at a crosswalk I looked at her and said, "I thought you weren't coming." she said, "I don't think I am. I don't know, but I am hungry. I don't know, I think I'll just cook at home." as If she wanted me to do some convincing. But I was just like, "hey the lights green. Let's walk." we begin walking across the street, and she hesitates and just keeps following.

    I thought I was doing really well with the hard to get game, so I made a point to sit away from her. MISTAKE! well i think. It isolated her from me with 2 of my friends, who she clearly wasn't interested in, but I was in a position where I couldn't speak to her naturally. and I think it made me go from Hard to Get to unnatainable? opinions? after we were done, she went home and I didn't hear from her after that night until about a week later.

    I had pretty much marked her in the lost category, until later that week when I had a music video hit youtube. I circulated facebook in our freinds circle, and I was getting lots of attention from girls and social proof from ev1 posting on my wall "love the video, etc." She texted me a few days later and said, "the video's amazing. You're very talented. We need to hang out again soon." I responded, "I'm kinda busy this weekend, but I'll call you soon."

    Called yesterday, she was very receptive. we made plans to continue with the song stuff. got together to hang out today. We were originally going to a beautiful outdoor park (I'm most creative in the sunshine with a good view.) It started raining as soon as I pulled up to her apartment, and we'd talked before about the benefit of an outdoor creative environment. So she offered to just go to her balcony (high rise apt in Hollywood, great view, lovely place to spend the afternoon.) I took this as a major IOI. We had a great day together. Conversation was very playful, natural, and whatever. Kino did not come as naturally. I had the perfect excuse to sit close to her (again, we were sharing a notebook/guitar/computer) and I got plenty of shoulder touches in. Did palm reading, thumb war, lots of that kind of stuff. But it still seem that her body was leaning away, so I got up and walked to the edge of the balcony to see if she would work for my interest again. She didn't really...

    Never-the-less we had a kick ass afternoon. Great conversation, we ended up making food at her place and spending about 4 hours together. She then mentioned to me that there was a cool show going on in santa monica, and that it'd be fun to go together. So I left to go take care of other things and said I'd pick her up around 9.

    When I picked her back up, it was right where we left off with great convo etc. until we got to the bar. She's a die hard fan of these guys that were going to be performing, and she seemed really focused on getting in to the back room to try to talk to them. Immediately when we walked in, she started trying to talk the bartender in to helping her get back there. etc. I told her after like 5 min. of this, "c'mon, who cares. lets go watch the openers." so we go sit down in front of the music, which was fantastic, and we're jammin and everything. I try more kino but she's not really receptive to it. i made the mistake of trying to put my arm around her, and she asked "why are you so cuddly all the sudden." I guess that was too big of an escalation lol. So I just tried to play it off, "oh, sorry, i'm kind of just a touchy guy." she said, "well don't take it overboard." fark! It was awkward for a minute. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back she was accross the bar talking to some friends. I walked over, but she didn't introduce me which made me look like a loser. Panic on the inside! I looked around for other sets to open to try to build social proof, but there weren't many people around the bar except for couples looking rly intimate. So I struck up a conversation with the fiddle player as the (the band had just stepped off for a break.) When I was done talking with him, I turned around and she was off talking to these other guys. I just went back and sat down where we had been listening to the music. I talked to some new people for a minute. Then, she walked over to me, and said, "hey I'm gonna go across the room for a minute. Are you cool here?" I was thinking, hello, that's what you've been doing for 15 minutes now. instead i said, "...am i not invited?" she hesitantly assured me I was invited. I told her, "I'm good here, but I want to get going soon."

    5 minutes later, I finished my beer walked across, and said, "hey, let's go." She was like "already? c'mon, 5 more minutes." I said, "you can stay if you want.".... "but how will I get home?" I just smiled and said, "well, I'm pretty bored." we walked out of the bar at like midnight. waay earlier than planned.

    she was all like "are you made at me? why?" I made a point to keep smiling and acted as if it was no big deal. I just said, "no, not mad. just disappointed. it's really not a big deal"
    "why?"
    "well we had such a fun, natural time together today. I thought that would continue in to tonight, but instead it just felt like I was following you around the bar and you were trying to get rid of me." She was all apologetic, and I was like, it's ok, but I, again, I just acted unaffected and like I didn't rly care.

    She kept pressing and pressing though, which I took as a good sign? She said, "you wanna get some coffee?" She seemed like she was looking for ways to stay with me a little longer. So we stopped for coffee. she was continually pressing, asking if I was mad at her. she said "Why aren't you talking as much?" It was partly because I was being pensive about where i'd gone wrong with the kino, and partly because I had no farking clue what to say to her. Then, another mistake, when she asked why I said I was disappointed when it's no big deal, I just said, "well I though we were going together beacuase you were in to me, not because you needed a ride to santa monica for a chance to chill in VIP with your favorite band." in retrospect, me telling her I about my disappointment in her not being in to me was a huge mistake. needy, big dlv. whatever, i didn't care anymore.

    We wound up going to the beach after that (my idea, she jumped on it). When she brought it up once more, I said, "look, its really no big deal. let's just forget about it and have a fun rest of the night." and we chilled and talked on the beach, but absolutly no touching what so ever. nowhere near the connection we'd shared previously that day. When I dropped her off at home, it seemed like she was still trying to gain something back from me, like she felt guilty. she kept talking about "when are we hanging out next?" as she got out of the car, she said, "well, at least 1 of the three places we went (the beach), you weren't bored." She gave me a hug with a pitty pat.

    goodnight russian girl. you'll be in my thoughts as I go home and masturbate, using only my disappointed tears as lubricant.

    SO HERE's the question. At which point was it a lost cause? Did i somehow fall in to the friend zone? Could I have still had her romantic interest if I had found a way to have fun without her at the bar? Going in to it, I really thought I had built enough attraction and comfort, in the day, to at least kiss close at night. Actually, the way I saw it, if I didn't physically escalate with her that night, I'd just be her guy friend that helps her with song writing sometimes. Maybe the arm around was a desperate attempt at escalating. God i'm so lame. goodnight.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Fail, again

    Well, it's not a lost cause by far, in my opinion. Yes, you did some mistakes by losing your cool at some point, but that's really something you should take as a lesson learned.

    75% of the time you did great. The one point it did go out of hand was on the night at the bar with her favorite band. That's were you saw yourself craving a bit for her attention and started acting "hurt" ( for a lack of a better word )

    "I responded, "I'm kinda busy this weekend, but I'll call you soon."" - It might've worked, it might've not worked. Best thing to have said was "Next Saturday sounds good?". This way you are implying to be busy, which works better than to just say you're busy. Sub-communicating what you want to say instead of actually saying it works wonders.

    "c'mon, who cares. lets go watch the openers." - She cared. Remember, she's a die-hard fan of these guys. You should've just roll along with it, let her do her thing and you went to do your thing.

    "I guess that was too big of an escalation. So I just tried to play it off, "oh, sorry, i'm kind of just a touchy guy." she said, "well don't take it overboard."" - Ouch. Bad comeback. That's not playing it off, that was straightforward apologizing. Bad. Something like this would've had a better impact : ( in a playful manner ) "There was an evil leprechaun on your shoulder who tried to sting you in the ear with his evil scepter. Gee, nice way of thanking me for saving your life ( turn body away ). If she plays along with it, you could continue with "Actually he was a very badly dressed leprechaun so that's why I did" ( again, done in a playful manner ).

    "hey I'm gonna go across the room for a minute. Are you cool here?" I was thinking, hello, that's what you've been doing for 15 minutes now. instead i said, "...am i not invited?
    " - Bam. You fell for it. You reacted to her. You DLV'd it instead of not caring.

    "hey, let's go." She was like "already? c'mon, 5 more minutes." I said, "you can stay if you want.".... "but how will I get home?" I just smiled and said, "well, I'm pretty bored." - Again, subtly trying to get her attention focused on you. You should have stayed, even if you're bored out of your mind and made yourself something to do to get out of your boredom. A funny way of playing off the "how will I get home" thing was either "I'll leave you a trail of skittles from here to your house. Don't worry I'll be right behind you to see your progress and beat the shit out of anyone who tries to steal a skittle " or "There's a Red Army fighter jet waiting for you outside".

    "I just said, "well I though we were going together because you were in to me, not because you needed a ride to Santa Monica for a chance to chill in VIP with your favorite band." - Obvious DUH ! You reacted to her again. Your ego was bruised. Big No-No.

    "we chilled and talked on the beach, but absolutely no touching what so ever" - One or two harmless touches on her hand or arm would've made a significant difference. It really showed you were not phased by the whole thing.

    "She gave me a hug with a pity pat." - Not necessarily a pity pat. More like secretly telling you "Hey, hug's over". You do that next time.

    Again, you still have big chances with this. And keep in mind, Russian girls are testing a lot more than other girls. European girls may be way easier to attract, but it's another thing with Russian chicks, because Russian guys are ugly as fuck but they have a huge-ass character, sense of self worth and value, not to mention aggressiveness. I know this because I'm gaming a Russian girl too ) And your story and one other on this forum re-confirms that to me. So keep it strong, dude.

  3. #3
    liltbobas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Fail, again

    "c'mon, who cares. lets go watch the openers." - She cared. Remember, she's a die-hard fan of these guys. You should've just roll along with it, let her do her thing and you went to do your thing.
    I guess the reason I wanted to go sit down was because this was where I first felt her focus wasn't on me. you're right, I was subconsciously just trying to work for her attention.


    "hey I'm gonna go across the room for a minute. Are you cool here?" I was thinking, hello, that's what you've been doing for 15 minutes now. instead i said, "...am i not invited?
    " - Bam. You fell for it. You reacted to her. You DLV'd it instead of not caring.
    "hey, let's go." She was like "already? c'mon, 5 more minutes." I said, "you can stay if you want.".... "but how will I get home?" I just smiled and said, "well, I'm pretty bored." - Again, subtly trying to get her attention focused on you. You should have stayed, even if you're bored out of your mind and made yourself something to do to get out of your boredom. A funny way of playing off the "how will I get home" thing was either "I'll leave you a trail of skittles from here to your house. Don't worry I'll be right behind you to see your progress and beat the sh1t out of anyone who tries to steal a skittle " or "There's a Red Army fighter jet waiting for you outside".
    So my reaction should have been, "sure, do your thing, I'll be here."? Here's my question about this. From reading mystery method, the game, etc, I thought that sitting by yourself at the bar is bad because it demonstrates low social proof, not the leader of men, etc. By now she's talking to these other guys at the bar, who I'm sure are running their own game on her, and I'm sitting by myself with my drink and only a dude in his mid 40's to talk to by the band. That's why at first I was scrambling to find a set to open, but it seemed like lots of couples, nobody I could have gotten away with interrupting. So the reason I decided to leave was that I felt like I was just digging my grave by staying, sitting alone while the girl I brought gives her number to the three british guys at the bar... or worse, if she'd made it back there with that band, I wouldn't have seen her the rest of the night.



    "I just said, "well I though we were going together because you were in to me, not because you needed a ride to Santa Monica for a chance to chill in VIP with your favorite band." - Obvious DUH ! You reacted to her again. Your ego was bruised. Big No-No.
    lol i know, i was laughing as I wrote this.

    Again, you still have big chances with this. And keep in mind, Russian girls are testing a lot more than other girls. European girls may be way easier to attract, but it's another thing with Russian chicks, because Russian guys are ugly as fark but they have a huge-ass character, sense of self worth and value, not to mention aggressiveness. I know this because I'm gaming a Russian girl too ) And your story and one other on this forum re-confirms that to me. So keep it strong, dude.
    Ok, good news! but what would you do now? She said she's coming to see my acoustic show on saturday, so I'm hoping to see her again this week. Should I txt her? Try to hang out again? any advice about kino later on that might compensate for the weirdness from putting my arm around her?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Fail, again

    More like "sure, do your thing, I'll be around here." or "sure, do your thing, I'll be here talking to these guys over there and congratulate them for their performance." Or whatever.

    "I thought that sitting by yourself at the bar is bad because it demonstrates low social proof, not the leader of men" - If that was true absolutely 100% of the time, then you DLV when she'd go to the bathroom or when she'd take a phone call outside. You following me here? You are in an entirely different situation than what you speak of and actually think you are.

  5. #5
    liltbobas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Fail, again

    damn... i really thought i was drowning. I should have played it cool. i wonder if she was just testing me.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Fail, again

    Text her, ping her from time to time. Just go for it. And keep your cool and be on the lookout for tests


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