I met this Russian chick at an open mic night. SO FINE. When I walked in, she was sitting alone, so I sat down next to her and opened. It was fairly easy to talk to her -- she told me she was new to song writing and this would be her first time to perform. She's the type to throw out insults for herself to fish for compliments (like, oh my song was so horrible, just so you'll say no it wasn't, etc.) I basically was able to play the smooth guy card by just telling her to relax, i'm sure it will be fine. and even if you do really bad, these things take practice and we're here to build each other up, help each other gain confidence, etc. We both performed, and I could sense a building of rapport and attraction with her (especially after I played). Before the end of the night, I closed with her #. I said I could help with song writing and writing lyrics (especially english language stuff). sweet.
So we met up just a few days later. I picked a neutral, outdoor location, because I wanted her to feel comfortable. We were sitting in chairs opposite of one another, and as we traded back and forth her notebook with lyrics we naturally came closer. By the end of the session we were sitting directly across with our legs touching in between each others, and my hands rested on her lap with her notebook. felt totally natural. we were connecting on many different levels. Unfortunately, we ran out of time, so we had to set a date to hang out again later in the week. In total, we had spent about two hours together.
She txted me the next day and cancelled our plans for later on in the week. She seemed busy, so I just acted unaffected and whatnot. Didn't text with her anymore that week. The next week, she came back to the same open mic night. This time, when I sat next to her again, she was giving me mad IOD's. 1 answer responses, feet and body pointed away... I sat with her less than a minute, and then pretended to get distracted and walked away. I sat across the room with some other friends, and I saw her repeatedly look over at me with my peripheral vision. Some friends and I were planning on Ihop afterward (free pancake day, w00t!), so after the thing was over and we were all standing around, I said to her, "hey, were headed to Ihop. You should come." She said, "na I think I'm going to get some sleep...", so I just said, OK and looked at my friends, "lets go." she walked with us outside, but I just walked in front talking to one of my friends while the other two walked behind and asked her every question they could think of. I could still sense her focus was on me. We get half way to the Ihop and she's still with us, so at a crosswalk I looked at her and said, "I thought you weren't coming." she said, "I don't think I am. I don't know, but I am hungry. I don't know, I think I'll just cook at home." as If she wanted me to do some convincing. But I was just like, "hey the lights green. Let's walk." we begin walking across the street, and she hesitates and just keeps following.
I thought I was doing really well with the hard to get game, so I made a point to sit away from her. MISTAKE! well i think. It isolated her from me with 2 of my friends, who she clearly wasn't interested in, but I was in a position where I couldn't speak to her naturally. and I think it made me go from Hard to Get to unnatainable? opinions? after we were done, she went home and I didn't hear from her after that night until about a week later.
I had pretty much marked her in the lost category, until later that week when I had a music video hit youtube. I circulated facebook in our freinds circle, and I was getting lots of attention from girls and social proof from ev1 posting on my wall "love the video, etc." She texted me a few days later and said, "the video's amazing. You're very talented. We need to hang out again soon." I responded, "I'm kinda busy this weekend, but I'll call you soon."
Called yesterday, she was very receptive. we made plans to continue with the song stuff. got together to hang out today. We were originally going to a beautiful outdoor park (I'm most creative in the sunshine with a good view.) It started raining as soon as I pulled up to her apartment, and we'd talked before about the benefit of an outdoor creative environment. So she offered to just go to her balcony (high rise apt in Hollywood, great view, lovely place to spend the afternoon.) I took this as a major IOI. We had a great day together. Conversation was very playful, natural, and whatever. Kino did not come as naturally. I had the perfect excuse to sit close to her (again, we were sharing a notebook/guitar/computer) and I got plenty of shoulder touches in. Did palm reading, thumb war, lots of that kind of stuff. But it still seem that her body was leaning away, so I got up and walked to the edge of the balcony to see if she would work for my interest again. She didn't really...
Never-the-less we had a kick ass afternoon. Great conversation, we ended up making food at her place and spending about 4 hours together. She then mentioned to me that there was a cool show going on in santa monica, and that it'd be fun to go together. So I left to go take care of other things and said I'd pick her up around 9.
When I picked her back up, it was right where we left off with great convo etc. until we got to the bar. She's a die hard fan of these guys that were going to be performing, and she seemed really focused on getting in to the back room to try to talk to them. Immediately when we walked in, she started trying to talk the bartender in to helping her get back there. etc. I told her after like 5 min. of this, "c'mon, who cares. lets go watch the openers." so we go sit down in front of the music, which was fantastic, and we're jammin and everything. I try more kino but she's not really receptive to it. i made the mistake of trying to put my arm around her, and she asked "why are you so cuddly all the sudden." I guess that was too big of an escalation lol. So I just tried to play it off, "oh, sorry, i'm kind of just a touchy guy." she said, "well don't take it overboard." fark! It was awkward for a minute. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back she was accross the bar talking to some friends. I walked over, but she didn't introduce me which made me look like a loser. Panic on the inside! I looked around for other sets to open to try to build social proof, but there weren't many people around the bar except for couples looking rly intimate. So I struck up a conversation with the fiddle player as the (the band had just stepped off for a break.) When I was done talking with him, I turned around and she was off talking to these other guys. I just went back and sat down where we had been listening to the music. I talked to some new people for a minute. Then, she walked over to me, and said, "hey I'm gonna go across the room for a minute. Are you cool here?" I was thinking, hello, that's what you've been doing for 15 minutes now. instead i said, "...am i not invited?" she hesitantly assured me I was invited. I told her, "I'm good here, but I want to get going soon."
5 minutes later, I finished my beer walked across, and said, "hey, let's go." She was like "already? c'mon, 5 more minutes." I said, "you can stay if you want.".... "but how will I get home?" I just smiled and said, "well, I'm pretty bored." we walked out of the bar at like midnight. waay earlier than planned.
she was all like "are you made at me? why?" I made a point to keep smiling and acted as if it was no big deal. I just said, "no, not mad. just disappointed. it's really not a big deal"
"well we had such a fun, natural time together today. I thought that would continue in to tonight, but instead it just felt like I was following you around the bar and you were trying to get rid of me." She was all apologetic, and I was like, it's ok, but I, again, I just acted unaffected and like I didn't rly care.
She kept pressing and pressing though, which I took as a good sign? She said, "you wanna get some coffee?" She seemed like she was looking for ways to stay with me a little longer. So we stopped for coffee. she was continually pressing, asking if I was mad at her. she said "Why aren't you talking as much?" It was partly because I was being pensive about where i'd gone wrong with the kino, and partly because I had no farking clue what to say to her. Then, another mistake, when she asked why I said I was disappointed when it's no big deal, I just said, "well I though we were going together beacuase you were in to me, not because you needed a ride to santa monica for a chance to chill in VIP with your favorite band." in retrospect, me telling her I about my disappointment in her not being in to me was a huge mistake. needy, big dlv. whatever, i didn't care anymore.
We wound up going to the beach after that (my idea, she jumped on it). When she brought it up once more, I said, "look, its really no big deal. let's just forget about it and have a fun rest of the night." and we chilled and talked on the beach, but absolutly no touching what so ever. nowhere near the connection we'd shared previously that day. When I dropped her off at home, it seemed like she was still trying to gain something back from me, like she felt guilty. she kept talking about "when are we hanging out next?" as she got out of the car, she said, "well, at least 1 of the three places we went (the beach), you weren't bored." She gave me a hug with a pitty pat.
goodnight russian girl. you'll be in my thoughts as I go home and masturbate, using only my disappointed tears as lubricant.
SO HERE's the question. At which point was it a lost cause? Did i somehow fall in to the friend zone? Could I have still had her romantic interest if I had found a way to have fun without her at the bar? Going in to it, I really thought I had built enough attraction and comfort, in the day, to at least kiss close at night. Actually, the way I saw it, if I didn't physically escalate with her that night, I'd just be her guy friend that helps her with song writing sometimes. Maybe the arm around was a desperate attempt at escalating. God i'm so lame. goodnight.