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  1. #1
    jredline is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default back to being friends?

    this girl i work with and i have been flirting here and there for a few months.
    nothing serious. just the typical back and forth. we like each other - it's obvious.

    so i told her i'd teach her to drive and took her out at lunch a few times. about
    a week ago she says thanks and looks at me with this lusty look in her eye. so
    we kiss.

    so for the last couple of weeks we've been going out for a drive, parking and
    making out for about a half hour. i think this could go to the next step soon.

    also this week she's been texting me , telling me she misses me and this and
    that. flirting and shit.

    oh yeah, she's married and so am i. My relationship is on the rocks and i'm not
    too sure about hers.

    so today she texts me and says that she wants us to go back to when we were
    "solo amigos". she speaks mostly spanish - i speak mostly english but i can
    get by. I know the basics in spanish.

    So i call her. I was already having a bad day. And she says basically that she
    just wants to be friends, that it;s better, that we need to stop before we go
    to far. And I tell her no. I can't be friends, i dont want to be friends. That I want
    to hang out with her.

    we're supposed to talk about this on monday.

    i really like this girl, I like being her friend, but I can't go back to being "just friends"
    we're beyond that I told her we're "mas que amigos".

    What's your advice on this. I'll take it from a PUA point of view or even some kind
    of dating advice.

    I need to decide what I want out of this but while I think on that I look forward to seeing
    what you all have to say.

  2. #2
    Morrisb is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: back to being friends?

    Friends rarely works.

  3. #3
    DuncanIdaho is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: back to being friends?

    When you were making out did you keep the vibe fun, or did you start getting too "realtionship-y?"

  4. #4
    Magnum is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: back to being friends?

    I concur with duncanidaho, the "I can't be friends" response comes off as needy. It sucks, but sometimes being too honest (as in open) can be detrimental. If there was a relationship-y vibe before that point, it could have been a factor. HOWEVER, I wouldn't rule out hubby-- you say yup don't know the state of her relationship? Well, that's a big unknown that could be the major factor in her change of heart.

    You're situation is fairly unique, and especially difficult since you work together, yet I'm still inclined to offer the boilerplate breakup advice, because it really is usually the best approach: agree with the breakup. Then take some time apart as best you can. No contact if at all possible, or certainly as little as possible, in your case just be professional at work. Do that for four weeks. I know it sounds like a long time, but right around week 3 or so she is going to start to miss you. Use the time to better yourself and work on keeping away the needy vibe once and for all. The gym is always a good place to work off those thoughts. Also, work on your marriage, or if you must find someone new to have a fling, but don't wave it in this girl's face, the point is not to make her jealous, ant least not in an obvious or direct way. Again, do not contact her until 4 weeks is up, or until she contacts you first. Do not bring up the topic of your breakup again until she does first. After the four week mark or whenever she contacts you and is clearly missing you, arrange to hang out together, but keep it friendly until it's obvious she's ready for more again. Use the same attraction techniques as you did when you first got together.

    The other bit of advice for the future-- you said you called her when you were already having a bad day. Never do that until the relationship is rock solid (and even then, use her proverbial shoulder to cry on sparingly). Always call a girl when you are in a great mood. Positive attitude is contagious, and she will unconsciously learn to associate your voice with good feelings.

  5. #5
    jredline is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: back to being friends?

    it was fun. i'm not sure what the problem is. haven't really had a chance. she just says that what we're doing is wrong. i have to respect that but i'm getting mixed signals.

    we went to talk about this at lunch and only got a little talking done. we had more fun making out, copping a feel. she did ask me "where our thing will go?" - I said wherever she wants it to go? I told her let's just enjoy this. let's have fun and see what it is. it's barely even starting.

    and then we kissed some more and headed back to work.

    this morning - i text her "good morning gorgeous" and she texts back "good morning but I told you it's over"

    so I guess it's over but I go out there to do some work and I catch her staring at me and then she ignores me. so it's cool. i'll let it end for now and follow your advice.

    i just wish she would have never kissed me in the first place. things would've been so much easier.

    a while back she tried to give me the cold shoulder and make me jealous and i think i overcame this by being cool and being confident and enjoying life.

    so maybe i should do that again and see if we can restart this thing of ours.

    any advice or insight on this would be welcomed.

    i know I could probably save my marriage if I put work in into it. I need to think about that. i have a lot to ponder.

  6. #6
    Magnum is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: back to being friends?

    Well if she's sending you mixed signals and when you went to talk about the relationship all you did was go back to making out... It may be that she's attracted to the naughtiness of it, the danger of being caught, rather than specifically to you.

    Women have a thing for barriers. There's few things that are a bigger turn on than saying "that'd be so hott, but we can't because of ____" where blank could be anything from "I have to get up early" all the way up to "what if our spouses found out" or even "we'll be caught by the Russians and executed".

    Based on what you said, she's likely attracted to the excitement of it all, not you. If you're ok with that, then freaking go for it, man! If not, well, you can still go for it but be prepared for it not to turn into anything long term. And if you don't go for it, be prepared that she might find someone else to fill this void with.

    If you want to go for it, just keep the excitement level up. Tease her with things you *could* be doing, but can't because it would be wrong or you might get caught. Take slightly bigger risks. Don't just find some quiet place to make out, but be a little more public (though do go somewhere that you won't ACTUALLY be caught or recognized). Find other ways to increase the risk or excitement, maybe a little light bondage, or make out at a different time of day or in the supply closet instead of the car. Slip her dirty notes (not romantic ones) and see to it she creatively destroys them before anyone finds out. When you're sure no one is looking, smack her on the ass.

    Just make sure that after you've had a good day screwing the secretary or whatever at work, come home and give it to your wife just as good. If she's happy she'll not bother to pick up on your signs of cheating.

  7. #7
    jredline is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: back to being friends?

    This whole tale just get's weirder. I'll try to break it down evenly.

    When we last off - this relationship was pretty much over. I let it be and went on about my life. Had lunch alone. Tried to avoid her. I was kind of upset and it showed but I was cordial. So little by little we start flirting again. Catching each other's eye. Waving.

    Then she texts me that she misses my kisses. That she misses me. I tell her she can have them whenever she wants. I know - not a good thing to say. But I meant it so I said it. She won't go out with me at lunch but we meet up at work in dark corners for a quick kiss. It seems like we're back on track. It seems playing it cool works. Yay.

    And then she doesn't come to work one day. And people are kidding around. Congratulating me. I don't know what's up. Eventually one of her friends tells me that the girl is pregnant. It's not mine but you know how people are. I didn't believe it until later that same day The Girl texts me that she has to tell me something. That she's pregnant.

    I really do like her so I say that's fine - that it doesn't change the way I feel. Blah Blah. I meant it - so I said it. I knew she wanted a kid, and I knew I couldn't give that to her, and I knew our relationship was just a fling, and I wanted to screw her. And I was trying to work my way to that and didn't want to eff up the momentum. She's about 6 weeks into her pregnancy.

    So she comes back to work the next day and she tells me that her being pregnant HAS to change the way I feel. We go off to talk and we don't freaking talk much. I like to talk things out and figure things out and she just wants to make out. But I tell her that I like her, and I'd like to be there for her, and that whatever. You know, I just want to be in her life. I say what I mean. And I hate goodbyes and I hate endings. So it seems we've come tot an agreement.

    Next day she doesn't come to work. She fell and her doctor puts her on bed rest. I call her. Ask her if she needs anything. She's fine. I was supposed to see her the following monday but don't cause she has Dr. appointments.

    She comes into work on Tuesday for a lunch. I almost lure her to a spot for a quick make out. I can tell she wants to come but someone sees her. We make eyes at the lunch and then she leaves.

    We text a bit the next few days. Now that I think about it I would make first contact. Hmm. But the texts go well. She gets jealous of things people are saying about me. I assure they're lies. She believes me. We flirt. She calls me corazon. She wants me to teach her things. She's kind of young. I tell her I'll teach her all kind of things.

    And then something happened this weekend. I'm not sure what. But she doesn't return my texts. I text maybe 4 times a day. I don't try too much. But I send a few. We talk a couple of times. It seems her husband or whatever he is has her on lockdown. He's sent her to her sisters in Las Vegas. It's understandable. Afterwards she wouldn't answer my call.

    And then today happens. Her friends, the ones that really know her, and I guess have a soft spot for me start telling me all kind of sh1t cause they see I'm a little worked up over not hearing from her.

    They tell me she's a player. That she was with a guy at work. All I got was kisses, this guy got the whole thing. Bastard. Not sure if it was before me or during me. Not that it matters. I had no claim on her, she can do what she wants. They tell me she goes after whatever guy she wants and normally gets him. That she likes to play. They're her friend and they say she's no good. I find out she's not even in Vegas. I think she told me that so I wouldn't go by her place. This is understandable. They try to convince me to let it go.

    I was thinking two things. 1. Games are fun. This girl puts out and I want some of that after she has the baby. And deep down I do care for her. She's coming back to work so I'll be patient and see what happens when she comes back. I'll play the game.

    2. This sucks. I suck. I feel used. I feel like a schmoe. I got what I deserved. I want revenge. Let the bitch go and go on with my life.

    I go with thought number 1. I text her that she may not here from me for a while, that I need to figure things out, and I thank her for being a good friend. I tell her I'll talk to her later.

    She texts back immediately. "I don't understand" I tell her again. I need to figure sh1t out. I'm stressed and confused. I really do need some space. She texts back for me to relax, forget my problems and to forget her, and to enjoy my family.

    I tell her that I don't want to forget her. I just need some time.

    The conversation goes on a bit and then she tells me that she has already forgotten me and is happy.

    I tell her I don't believe her, that it's not that easy. She says it's true, sorry, and that if she can do it I can do it too. Bye And now I'm here seeking advice.

    What would you do?
    I like the girl and am a little pisses some guy screwed her before me? I want to know who the guy was, how he did it, and if she's worth it. I shouldn't have taken so long. I'm an idiot.
    From past experience this girl just says things. So I think if I give her space she'll come back to me. I don't know if I want her but I'd like to know I can get her back.
    Should I be patient or should I tear sh1t up. I could wait for her to come back to me or wait for her to come back to work and see how it goes.

    I want to go to her house. I know that if she sees me she wouldn't be able to resist me but I don't want to screw up a future chance.

    I don't know. I'm pretty certain of what I should do. But what are your thoughts guys?


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