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  1. #1
    roland82 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need advice, really complicated situation...

    Here's my background...

    I am still married, legally, and will be for some time (6+ months) for financial reasons. We have a child together, almost 2yo. We are completely out of love, and friends at best. She's setup a mini apartment in the basement of our house until she can move out. She is currently dating another guy for like 4+ months... like I said we're done.

    Anyway, I just started a new job, and have been there almost a month. There is a girl who works in my department who completely and utterly blows my mind, makes my heart beat faster, etc etc... She's very pretty and has a simply amazing personality. I have been trying to go out of my way to talk to her, but have a hard time keeping the conversation going and I bail before it gets awkward. We work on different projects so there really isn't to much in the way of work I can chat with her about. She's been very friendly and smiley, laughs at any jokes that I make so on and so forth. I personally think she is just being friendly at this point.

    From what I can tell she is single, I haven't gotten a confirmation on this, but she's got no ring on her finger, and listening to her talk I believe she lives alone.

    From the first day I've started working there, I've not wore my wedding band. I have mentioned that I have a son, but avoid mentioning or saying anything about having a wife, although it's quiet possible she knows that I am, in some sense of the word, married.

    Here's the issues I got...
    1.) What girl in her right mind would want to date a still married (even if only legally) guy? However, I've never met a girl like this before, I can't explain it, she literally gives me butterflies...

    2.) How can I find out if she's single or not w/o being creepy? I was thinking of sending her flowers anonymously to work and having it say it's from a co-worker. Then I could approach her and be like, "Cool... flowers from the bf!" and find out like that.

    3.) I almost just want to ask her out to diner... just to talk and get to know her, because I really don't know all that much about her and would love to find out more. But being we work together, I don't think I've established myself enough as a friend to not make things awkward if I am shot down.

    4.) How do I address my situation? I am not a liar and refuse to lie about my home life, but I don't want to take myself out of the running just because I got some loose ends to tie.

    It's not like I am trying to wife her up or anything... but I would really like to start a friendship, going to the movies together, out to eat... stuff like that. By the time things actually got serious, I would be divorced. I don't want to sit this out until I am divorced because I don't want to miss my chance if infact she is single, and she might not be, and in that case this whole message is moot!

    I know a lot of people are going to think that I should just suck it up and wait, but I can't explain it... this girl literally has me entranced...

    Thanks in advance,
    Ro

  2. #2
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    Sitfab is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need advice, really complicated situation...

    Answers to your questions :

    1) That's not an issue. It happens quite a lot. I think they see the married guy as an "unattainable good".
    2) You could just tell her in a teasing way "Your boyfriend's not spanking you enough" when she gets a bit feisty or done something "evil" and wait for her reaction. Do NOT send her flowers in ANY WAY.
    3) Don't linger around too much the friend-zone, just do it
    4) You don't mention anything. If it ain't spoken, it's not a lie.

    Good luck

  3. #3
    roland82 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need advice, really complicated situation...

    Thanks for the advice...

    I tried to get her (in a group of co-workers) to go out on Cinco de Mayo, she said she would have totally been down for it but couldn't tonight. I wasn't sure if she was just bailing or if she really did want to go but had plans. I found out the next day that she did have legit plans, so I am still hopeful.

    I feel like if I could talk to her outside of work, I could work it a bit... but in the work setting... I got nothing.

    Thanks,
    Ro


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