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  1. #1
    startupguy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Mixed Signals + Out of Practice = Help!

    Hey all,

    This is my first post here, although I've been lurking for a while. I had an interesting date Friday and I'm trying to suss out what happened.

    About a month ago I broke up with my long-time girlfriend. We were dating for years, so that's why I'm out of practice.

    A few weeks ago I met this great woman at a conference. She was smart, funny, extremely attractive, and working in a similar space as me. Part of the conference involved breaking into small groups and brainstorming specific ideas, and we were in the same group.

    We exchange cards before the end of the conference, and I shoot her an email a few days later asking if she wants to grab drinks and brainstorm more ideas this Friday (May 20th). At this point I'm still thinking of this in a professional context -- in my industry this sort of interaction is pretty common.

    I learn she's driving across town to meet me at a bar near by work, which sort of surprises me. She arrives at 8PM, we get drinks, and start making small talk. We soon move into brainstorming: talking about our industry, ideas, what's going on, etc. etc.

    The conversation was fantastic and extremely productive. I have three pages of notes.

    Slowly the conversation starts getting more personal. She gets a text from a friend informing her of a private party nearby and asks me if I'd like to join her.

    We head over to this party, 10 blocks away. It's 10PM now. The conversation along the way is pretty flirtatious. Lots of personal questions, questions about what we each like to do with our time, I tease her lightly about how cold she is (we're in California but her family is from Moscow, "Your parents must make fun of you when you complain about the cold like this, etc."). Lightly touching her arm -- she doesn't move away, but at no point during the night did she reciprocate.

    The tone of the conversation is very light, but we've clearly moved from "professional conversation" to "first date conversation."

    We get to the party, she pays for my cover. She introduces me to all her friends. The party, however, is terrible. Everyone thinks the music is painfully loud and undanceable, so we decide to leave.

    She says she's heading home for the night and I walk out with her. My plans at that point are to go out dancing with some friends, but she offers to drive me to my car since we're now so far away.

    Up until this point, it seems like a nice first date. Here's where it gets confusing for me.

    As we're driving I ask, "So, are you really done for the night?"

    Her: "Are you going out to party?"

    Me: "That was my plan. Want to come?"

    Her: "I need to go to bed, but why not party Saturday night instead?"

    (Right here is where I get thrown for a loop)

    Me: "Why, what are you proposing?"

    Her (sounding nervous): "That you go out Saturday instead..."

    Me: "What are your plans for Saturday?"

    Her (still nervous-sounding): "I'm going shoe shopping and have a friend's birthday party"

    Me: "If you want some company, give me a call. I'd love to go out."

    Her (mumbling): "Yeah, sure, mumble, mumble"

    At this point it's sort of a blur. She was clearly upset/annoyed/disappointed with my response, the atmosphere got very tense. By then we're at my car, so I somewhat awkwardly thank her for a good time tonight and get out of the car.

    Driving home, I start nodding off, so I decide to skip going out that night.

    Realizing I had messed something up, or misinterpreted something she said, I wait until I get home around 12:30AM and send her a text: "Good luck shopping for shoes tomorrow. Remember, you're on the clock." (she had said earlier that she was going to shop for shoes tomorrow but didn't want to spend more than two hours on it).

    To my surprise, she responds right away: "I know! Wish me luck, but something tells me I'll have to buy them online. Have a good night!"

    I respond: "Good luck! I decided to just head home -- maybe I'll take your advice and go out tomorrow. 'Night!"

    The next day I send her a in the evening, around 6PM, after I'm done with my afternoon: "Shoe success?"

    And later, around 9PM: "My day was insane. I'm going out dancing in a bit -- interested?"

    I did in fact go out dancing, but never received a response to my last three texts.

    So, uh, there are four ways I can interpret what happened:
    1. She is attracted to me and wanted me to go home with her, that night, instead of going out dancing
    2. She is attracted to me and wanted to do something Saturday, but my texts came too late
    3. She was attracted to me, but I said or did something that totally turned her off
    4. She was never attracted to me, and I'm just confused.

    Any help?
    Last edited by startupguy; 05-22-2011 at 06:37 PM.

  2. #2
    startupguy is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 81, Level: 1
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    Default Re: Mixed Signals + Out of Practice = Help!

    In terms of IOI's she definitely:
    * Re-initiated conversation when I stopped talking (I did this deliberately)
    * Laughed at my jokes
    * Tried to build rapport and get comfortable with me

    Reflecting on this the next day, I feel like she was definitely attracted to me, was inviting me to escalate, and I wimped out.

    Any thoughts on how to bring this back from the brink? Or did I miss my chance?
    Last edited by startupguy; 05-22-2011 at 06:49 PM.


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