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  1. #1
    Laws0n is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Nice guy who people don't take seriously

    Hi I am new to the forum, hopefully there are some people here that can give me some tips and hopefully help me with my frustration.

    So I have a problem with girls not taking me seriously, categorizing me as a "nice guy" whatever. I was raised by my mom and have 3 sisters, I am in not any way girly except maybe with how I treat women, am very nice and agreeable.

    What basically happens is that I get pushed in the "friends zone" very quickly and get comfortable with it usually mistaking it for something else and end up caring way too much and everything going downward. All of the girls I know I have written off as anything more than friends, they don't take me seriously. And I don't mean like literally, I mean like they see somethings bothering me and don't care, people that they meet pass me up even though I have known a lot of them for a long time they don't value my opinions and I guess value me very highly. They say they "value me" and they do but I guess when it comes to taking me seriously they just blow it off "oh that's just Lawson" or whatever. Its hard to explain the feeling he has, I hope someone here understands what hes trying to say.

    He over thinks things a lot and if something is bothering him, like a friend not taking him seriously it will always be on his mind and wants to confront them, tell them its not okay, but I then when they come around to talk to me again Ill either blow them off trying to make them mad like they did me, or Ill tell them and it will end up in a misunderstanding.

    So basically I'm trying to have more self confidence and meet new girls, I got a new job so I'll have money to go out and stuff and am making it a goal to not to have this happen again, I mean with some girls its fine but the ones I'm attracted to I want them attracted to me as well, I would rather have someone blow me off then be friends with them.

    Im starting from the beginning, Im ready to do something else than complain about it and hopefully new girls I meet wont view me in the same way. I am showing more self confidence and less sillyness, I think its just in the way I act that automatically sends girls into the friend zone.

    Also I was wondering if I should tell off the girls who dont take me seriously, I have talked to one girl before and she said "your sweet, your nice, you remember things that most guys dont, your always there for me, and I love hearing a guys opinion" <---- Translation: Your great when I need someone but not good enough for me personally.

    Its hard throwing yourself out there and having self confidence when time after time things go weird, I dont know whats going wrong but Im willing to try anything I can to stop this from happening in the future!

  2. #2
    nik's Avatar
    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Nice guy who people don't take seriously

    Quote Originally Posted by Laws0n View Post
    Hi I am new to the forum, hopefully there are some people here that can give me some tips and hopefully help me with my frustration.

    So I have a problem with girls not taking me seriously, categorizing me as a "nice guy" whatever. I was raised by my mom and have 3 sisters, I am in not any way girly except maybe with how I treat women, am very nice and agreeable.

    What basically happens is that I get pushed in the "friends zone" very quickly and get comfortable with it usually mistaking it for something else and end up caring way too much and everything going downward.(1) All of the girls I know I have written off as anything more than friends, they don't take me seriously. And I don't mean like literally, I mean like they see somethings bothering me and don't care, people that they meet pass me up even though I have known a lot of them for a long time they don't value my opinions and I guess value me very highly. They say they "value me" and they do but I guess when it comes to taking me seriously they just blow it off "oh that's just Lawson" or whatever.(2) Its hard to explain the feeling he has, I hope someone here understands what hes trying to say.(3)

    He over thinks things a lot and if something is bothering him, like a friend not taking him seriously it will always be on his mind and wants to confront them, tell them its not okay, but I then when they come around to talk to me again Ill either blow them off trying to make them mad like they did me, or Ill tell them and it will end up in a misunderstanding.(4)

    So basically I'm trying to have more self confidence and meet new girls, I got a new job so I'll have money to go out and stuff and am making it a goal to not to have this happen again,(5) I mean with some girls its fine but the ones I'm attracted to I want them attracted to me as well, I would rather have someone blow me off then be friends with them.(6)

    Im starting from the beginning, Im ready to do something else than complain about it and hopefully new girls I meet wont view me in the same way.(7) I am showing more self confidence and less sillyness, I think its just in the way I act that automatically sends girls into the friend zone. (8)

    Also I was wondering if I should tell off the girls who dont take me seriously(9), I have talked to one girl before and she said "your sweet, your nice, you remember things that most guys dont, your always there for me, and I love hearing a guys opinion" <---- Translation: Your great when I need someone but not good enough for me personally.(10)

    Its hard throwing yourself out there and having self confidence when time after time things go weird, I dont know whats going wrong but Im willing to try anything I can to stop this from happening in the future!
    1. How old are you? This is just part of the learning curve.

    2. You presume they can read you. I would guess you are an extreme introvert. Most introverts are viewed by others (including other introverts) as self-absorbed. While you may feel you are wearing your emotions on your shoulder, in others' eyes, you have probably blown them off without reengaging them.

    3. You just transistioned from referring to yourself in the first person (as you should) to the third person. Later, you transistion back and forth. Why? You tell me.

    4. Once again, much of this is just a learning curve. No matter your age, this is all a problem with social interaction. You don't know how to talk to people. Do you have any close friends? Guys you drink beer with? What does your circle of friends consist of?

    5. Good start. What's the new job? Good goal, but know that you will never appease everyone. Be realistic. Failure is not worth missing.

    6. Watch what you wish for. I've found I don't care for either option when I'm really attracted to a woman.

    7. They won't. They'll view you as you are presented; my guess is, the others did as well.

    8. Elaborate on "silliness".

    9. I wouldn't do that.

    10. My translation: You're great and possess many things I look for in a man; however, you haven't made me see you as someone who is dateable.

    That's enough to start.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  3. #3
    Laws0n is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Nice guy who people don't take seriously

    First of all I would like to say thanks for reading my thread and taking the time to go deeper trying to help.

    Quote Originally Posted by nik View Post

    1. How old are you? This is just part of the learning curve.

    I am 21

    2. You presume they can read you. I would guess you are an extreme introvert. Most introverts are viewed by others (including other introverts) as self-absorbed. While you may feel you are wearing your emotions on your shoulder, in others' eyes, you have probably blown them off without reengaging them.

    I wouldnt say Im an extreme introvert, I would say that I am talkative but my brain goes crazy when it comes to girls so I try to tone it down afraid they would be shocked if they knew how I really was with my guy friends. Afraid to say something inaprop and stuff like that.

    3. You just transistioned from referring to yourself in the first person (as you should) to the third person. Later, you transistion back and forth. Why? You tell me.

    I was trying to look outside of myself I think, to see if I could get a generalization rather than just my opinion, Also kinda tired last night hahah.

    4. Once again, much of this is just a learning curve. No matter your age, this is all a problem with social interaction. You don't know how to talk to people. Do you have any close friends? Guys you drink beer with? What does your circle of friends consist of?

    Yeah I have a handfull of close guy friends and a group of guy friends that I hangout with regularly, girls too mostly from old jobs and highschool, so they have known me for a while and know me well. I would say 10 guy and 4 girls I hangout with regularly and probly 3X more that are considered close friends but I might see monthly. I was refering to how girl friends dont take him seriously, my guy friends take me seriously and if they didnt or thought I said something dumb I wouldnt care as much since I care more what girls think than guys.

    5. Good start. What's the new job? Good goal, but know that you will never appease everyone. Be realistic. Failure is not worth missing.

    Dominos driver, not the best but better than no job or working for friends of friends which is what I was doing before.

    6. Watch what you wish for. I've found I don't care for either option when I'm really attracted to a woman.

    Yeah true, I would say girls that know Im attracted to them give me the run around and then just want to be "friends" in the end. I wouldnt want to just be "friends" with a girl if I wanted something more in the first place.
    7. They won't. They'll view you as you are presented; my guess is, the others did as well.

    Ok ill read up on presentation, I would say I have good style, I need to work on my posture and body language, touching girls I have realized reading on here that when I talk to girls I dont touch them on the hand or anything like that which I heard is crucial to letting them know your interested.

    8. Elaborate on "silliness".


    I do make jokes and people generally think Im funny but I can be immature at times. I think its more of showing weaknesses to girls that I meet, that makes them not want to take me seriously. I have a really good girl friend that I talk to alot, and I think she doesnt take me seriously bc I would go to her when I had a problem, I stopped doing that and I feel she still views me as "weak" Its hard to describe not taking me seriously, I dont even mean be a possible option, I just mean treating me like their on the same level, like not a brother sister relationship. I guess one example would be when going to the bars she asked me to drive since everyone else wanted to drink and I already did last time, but she had the nerve to ask because my other friend whos really selfish didnt want to drive. Then when I asked him why he doesnt drive he said "bc I dont want to" then when she asks if were going and I say "no because my friends being selfish" she says "oh well its a far drive" vs with me she would say a different comment "I dont see why he wouldnt drive" or something. I know really long haha.

    9. I wouldn't do that.


    What can I do to change their mind then? I guess I feel like I dont need any more "friend zone" girls, and everytime it gets more and more frusturating.
    10. My translation: You're great and possess many things I look for in a man; however, you haven't made me see you as someone who is dateable.


    I want to change that!
    That's enough to start.

  4. #4
    jkwan23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Nice guy who people don't take seriously

    You can't verbally convince a girl to like you or to see you as "more than a friend". You need to showyour female friends that you can be flirty, unpredictable, even a little bit cocky from time to time. Instead of always hanging out with them as friends, try making some guy friends and spending time with them. Make some new friends and show your current friends that you are cool, and confident hanging out with all kinds of people (men and other women).

    You will appear as independent rather than needy (which is good) and they might begin to view you as a potential "mate" rather than just a safe friend.

    If they still don't change their minds, that's fine! Don't ditch your good friends, keep them and try to meet new women who haven't already formed an opinion of you.

  5. #5
    Laws0n is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Nice guy who people don't take seriously

    Thanks, thats what Im trying to do, I actually have 2 jobs now and am doing sidework, I just got out of a fling with this Brazilian girl I really had a thing for, I cut her off and am not talking to her anymore due to complications.

    Ill read on where to meet girls and stuff like that, its hard because alot of my guy friends are either not 21 yet or have girlfriends or something that complicates the situation.

  6. #6
    Bumac is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Nice guy who people don't take seriously

    It sounds like you are slowly getting things squared around away. Right on.

    It sounds to me like you have a twofold issue here. First is that you are going timid when it comes to getting what you want from a girl and second is that you sound to be a bit too available. I've got a buddy with the same issues, one of the big reasons he isn't having success is that he is always there to listen, helps them when they need stuff done, etc etc. Do that for your girlfriend, not your girl friends. At one point I convinced him to tell a girl that he was interested in, (even though she only called him when she was having guy problems) to say "Listen, when you are ready to be treated like a woman call me, until then you keep making the same mistakes and I don't want to hear it" They dated for 6 months.

    Lastly, make and hang out with more guy friends. You learn a ton about women by hanging out with them, this is good, but until you can actually use what you learn you'll always end up putting yourself in the friend zone. If you have specific situations in mind shoot me a message and I'll help as I can. Remember, you set the rules of a relationship in the first moments of meeting someone, make sure they are YOUR rules, not theirs.

    Good Luck!

    P.S. If your current social group has the "Oh its just him" attitude you should pull a group freezeout and change your social scene for a while. If you decide to come back it will be as a person with value on terms that you set.


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