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  1. #1
    Codes&Chaos is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    So here's the situation, sorry in advance for the length, but I want to provide as much detail as possible.

    So I traveled with this random girl I met through a ride-share to a music festival, and we got to know each other quite well, got along great etc., she's single. So far so good.

    One thing I noticed being around her is that she has a LOT of friends and is very touchy/feely with all the guys. The insecure part of me thinks she's screwed them all, but the other part of me thinks they're just friendly (she has an incredible personality).

    Anyway, we get stranded for an extra night traveling back (just the two of us), and end up having sex (amazing, btw). However the next day, while I'm showing her affection she tells me she's seeing some guy (long distance relationship). I basically just say "that's understandable" and we don't mention it again.

    After we get into town she drops me off at work, then picks me up after and I stay at her place (we do everything except have intercourse, as I had been given advice not to as to make her want it more).

    We spend the night apart then the next night I stay at her place again (this time we do have sex). The next day as I'm showing her affection again she says that she's available for the next two weeks but when she comes back from this next festival things will have to be totally different and she doesn't want me to get hurt. I'm already hurt at that moment as I really dig this chick, but I don't press the issue.


    The next night when we go to this party is when things really got messed. It was a HUGE party and we barely saw each other. At the end of the night I see her sitting by herself, all sad looking. She's drunk, tired and says she just wants to go home (it's only 12:30am, before the big after party). She's planning to take the bus and I wanted to go to the after party (probably a mistake there).

    Then while I'm sitting with her some guy comes and sits on the other side of her and starts rubbing her back. They made plans to leave in the same direction as he apparently lives not far from her and they're talking about snuggling (I'm right there, FFS!). Then some other dude comes up and starts talking dirty to her, they talk about snuggling too, but he can't that night cause he already has plans. I'm right there the whole time, a little drunk, pretty high with my heart crushed feeling like sh1t.

    I probably should have ditched her right there, but I knew I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the after party as all I would be thinking of is her 'snuggling' with some other dude.

    The guy she was originally planning to leave with goes to say bye to some people and I made the the AFC move of offering to pay for a cab back to her place if she'll snuggle with me and she agrees, but says she's not farking as she's really tired. As soon as we get back she crashes right away. We fool around the next morning but no sex.

    We hang out for quite a while the next day then she drops me off at home. That night I go to a house party at one of my friends house's and she surprisingly shows up (even though she said she wouldn't be coming, and doesn't know anyone there). Things are a bit awkward as I'm still a little mad/hurt/pissed from the night before. She leaves with her chick friend a bit early and I stay.

    The next day I see her at this place that serves free lunch (we mentioned going, but never confirmed it). It's a little awkward still and she doesn't look very happy to see me. Afterwards we chat for a bit and she leaves with her chick friend and I go home.

    Today she messages me on FB sending me some music I wanted. I ignore her for 5 hours then reply with a quick thanks, log-off and here I am.

    The thing is I really like this girl a lot, and she gives me lots of IOI's as well (talking about things we should do together etc), but I really don't know how to handle the situation right now. She's had a number of boyfriends in the past so it's not like she won't have a relationship, which is ideally what I would like, but she could also be a great friend with benefits if I could just get my heart off my sleeve and my head in the right place...

    My plan at the moment is to freeze her out (we've spent a LOT of time together since meeting), then when she contacts me and asks whats up I'll be honest with her. I'm thinking of saying something like "you're obviously free to snuggle with or fark whoever you want at this point, but you kind of lost me the way you threw it in my face that night", but I don't know how that would work. Freezing her out could also backfire as there a probably any number of people that could take my place in an instant.

    Advice???

    What's up with this chick? How should I handle her, and if it's obvious it could never be anything serious how can I stop feeling like AFC and retain a friendship with benefits AND my dignity?

    thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    ThePrep is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    To be honest dude, the most you could get from this chick by the sound of it is a Friend wit Benefits deal!!! She seems like a cool chick, but a real tease and when drunk, she seems out right like a slut!!

    I don't mean to be harsh dude, but she def enjoys playing hot and cold. Flaunting her other offers right in front of you should've sent alarm bells ringing for you. I would've passed a condom to the guy and told him to "shower afterwards" and left!!!

    I think you should focus on other girls, who value themselves a little more....most guys won't agree, but a girl who values herself will value you higher as well!!

  3. #3
    In The Tropics's Avatar
    In The Tropics is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    Yeah man. You should just use her as a FWB.

  4. #4
    Codes&Chaos is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    I thought I would update the situation.

    I froze her out, then the next morning she texts asking if I was ignoring her. An hour later I texted back saying I was crazy busy and that we should hang out.

    She asks me what I'm doing that night (yesterday) and we make plans for me to go to her house.

    A few hours later she texts me saying something has come up and she needs to reschedule. She says "maybe sunday?". It was only wednesday so that seemed pretty lame.

    5 minutes later she sends me another text saying "or maybe tomorrow, I'm supposed to do something with my friend but I think she might bail"

    I keep ignoring. I get another text saying "meow?" Then later she texts saying her friend was having boy troubles but decided to go drinking again so shes free again if I'm still available.

    I turn my phone off. When I turn it back on at 9:30 she has sent another text "Dude, where are you?". I turn my phone back off wait till I get home from the party I was at (just after 11) then send her a text "have plans. some other time".

    I turn my phone back off for 20 minutes and she has sent me 3 more texts.

    "that wasn't very nice"

    "U could have told me earlier so i could make other plans. Wtf man."

    And the last one was simply:
    "Douche"

    I text her back. "Was at the party, phone was in my bag"

    She never answered back not surprisingly.

    How to proceed from here? Is this salvageable, or is it a lost cause? There is a good chance I'll see her tomorrow at a big outdoor party we'll both be at. Should I wait for her to come to me, or go and try to talk to her if I see her?

    Otherwise it seems the only thing I can do is wait it out and see if she contacts me again.

    Any advice on what I should've done differently (I have a few ideas)?

  5. #5
    churkers is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    i think shes knows that ur trying to play games with her , acting cool n shit... and shes trying to do the same thing. I would recommend u nt to iniatate conversation for awhile and she will come back to u.... humans want sth they cant get ! we are all bitches in that way lol

  6. #6
    ThePrep is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    "Douche"

    She sent that coz you didn't respond? either she's playing games or is just used to guys falling over themselves to comply wit anything she does!!

    not in any circumstances should you initiate contact with her!! let her come to you and untill she acknowledges how spoilt she's acting, i'd say just be civil, but dont show her absense bothers you a tiny bit!! once she realises this, she'll be begging you to take her out!!

  7. #7
    Codes&Chaos is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Cool Re: HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    So it's been since Wednesday with no contact. She's leaving late next week for a month so I'm wondering if I should try to initiate some kind of contact before then?

    I'll be able to see her at a festival during that time, but other than that it will be a while.

    She probably suspects I'm ignoring her so I doubt she'll be the one to initiate contact and I think if I leave it too long any connection/attraction will be gone (if it's not totally dead already).

    Instead of direct contact, I'm thinking of maybe liking a few of her FB statuses and maybe sending her a link to an album she wanted and try to thaw the ice a bit.

    I'm a little frustrated since it seems following advice from a friend and blowing her off the night she wanted to hang out is what really wrecked things the most.

  8. #8
    ThePrep is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HELP! How do I handle this complex situation with an amazing new girl?

    Quote Originally Posted by Codes&Chaos View Post
    So it's been since Wednesday with no contact. She's leaving late next week for a month so I'm wondering if I should try to initiate some kind of contact before then?

    I'll be able to see her at a festival during that time, but other than that it will be a while.

    She probably suspects I'm ignoring her so I doubt she'll be the one to initiate contact and I think if I leave it too long any connection/attraction will be gone (if it's not totally dead already).

    Instead of direct contact, I'm thinking of maybe liking a few of her FB statuses and maybe sending her a link to an album she wanted and try to thaw the ice a bit.

    I'm a little frustrated since it seems following advice from a friend and blowing her off the night she wanted to hang out is what really wrecked things the most.
    at the end of the day dude, if you wanna game her, you gotta be prepared to let her go!! remember, she's only THE girl in this one moment, otherwise she's just A girl!! the moment you start to overthink, analyse everything, second guess your game, you go from PUA to AFC!!!!!

    msg her or like her statuses if you want, but remember, it still means you're chasing her and no PUA shouls really do that!!


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