So I'd like to share a case that I'm in the middle of with you all here, it's particularly interesting because it involves trying to use what I now know as an aspiring pua to fix what I did as an AFC (I personally use the term Beta) and it involves peaks and valleys of interest:
This girl I used to hang out with in high-school posted on my facebook wall one day. I had not really spoken to her in a couple of years. She was always this very sweet (but also in demand) girl and we were friends (her with a boyfriend, who was a friend of mine and me well... I guess the honest answer would be a beta's projection of a pissed-off but lovable rebel without a cause teenager)
Also, this may be relevant: the day we met, back in highschool, we ended up kissing. At that age I was very awkward and had a lot of non-sensical hang-ups (for instance, her being a freshman when I was a senior was a big-deal to me). So when we next saw each other I kind of indirectly blew that back down to friendship status (this was like 5 or 6 years ago)
So, we texted a bit, exchanged numbers and then she came to my place to visit me that very day.
I should preface that at this point in time I had no idea what PUA was or the horribly sabotaging (or sometimes coincidentally helpful) communication I was guilty of sub-consciously.
Anyway, I thought to myself I should keep it civil. It was short hang out session, but she must've caught me looking at her with intent cause she kind of smiled and said "X, don't even think about it" she was kind of giggling, I thought she was trying to be nice or maybe she was nervous. Anyway, I was lucky cause even in that time of pua-ignorance, my natural reaction was to just kind of brushed it off with an admittedly awkward smile..
When she left (it was a wednesday), we tried to make plans (she has a day planner, which is actually a huge plus in my book), but she was busy thursday and I was busy friday (this was communicated to her directly) so we set for monday.
Anyway, on thursday, she texts to say her plans fell through and to see what I was doing. She comes over, we go to visit a friend of hers and then go for a hike. We come back and she starts gearing to leave, but I say "come on, watch one episode with me"(I said something less needy, but I don't remember what.) So, she does and we end up making out hardcore. Now at the time, I had no idea what PUA was, I had options for sex so I wasn't too worried about that, and I had had a crush on this chick for years, so my beta voice stopped me from escalating with "Don't ruin this by trying to sleep with her right away" So we have a great make-out session, good connection... and my dumb ass let's her walk right on out.
So the next day MY plans fall through, and in true-to-form beta mentality, I immediately text this chick to see what she's doing. She says she's busy, but since I hadn't made plans with her or anything, my beta-alarms didn't go off and I just said "cool, no big deal." She asked if we we're still on for monday. I said yes.
So monday comes around and she meets me at my place, the "I can't kiss you enough" vibe had clearly died down. We hang and talk for a few. I'm awkward about it (internally, I don't think I was sub-communicating that so much, but I could be wrong), but I work up the gusto to just lay one on her despite no signals and she seems to like it. Then, we go out.
Now, When making the date, I made the all-time beta faux-pas of suggesting a movie and she took that bait. So, we went to catch an afternoon drink and going to see Bad Teacher at the local mall (I know, I deserve every berating thing you have to say about this...)
The bar was pleasant again, but at the time physical contact in public was REALLY uncomfortable for me (this is probably still a sticking point, but now I know WHY I can't afford to be that closed off) so the vibe died down. In the theater, after about 20 mins I finally told myself "for the love of god, please find your balls and put your arm around this chick!" So, I did, awkwardly, and the theater seating was not AT ALL conducive to the maneuver so she almost immediately removed my arm (which was admittedly in an uncomfortable place for the both of us) and just held my hand instead (dead fish style). It stayed that way for half the movie till I broke contact to take a piss. When I got back, she seemed to be engaged in flick and I had already found my nuts to no avail once that day, I was not the type to try again. So, we just quietly sat next to each other like people from different planets on a planet that neither are from....
When we walked back to the car, we stopped for a smoke and I got her to make out with me a little bit (this was NOT dead fish style . I let it go back to casual convo for the short drive back to my place (and her car), and then we did that awkward-but-fun-makeout-while-you're-trying-to-leave-but-you-have-a-lot-of-trouble-leaving-as-a-result dance. At this point, I go full-blown nutless beta....
I start saying that we should "proper" go out one of these nights like on a real date (as opposed to what we had done, which were more like afternoon hang out session). I know NOW how much that move lowered my value, but then I thought it was just the gentlemanly thing to do. And trying to set a date (trying to GET something from her, asking for a high investment). She is smiling and says yeah and that she'll let me know.
I catch her on facebook a couple of days later to see if she's got any idea when she wants to hang. She says no. I ask again a couple of days later (I know.... just hammering that coffin shut), again she indicates she's really busy but she might be able to swing by on monday. I respond that monday could work and make some approval-seeking bid for confirmation, only to get none. Now monday rolls around, and I haven't gotten a confirmation so I'm just assuming we're not going to hang out. She texts me out of nowhere to tell me just that (work or something). I respond with "Oh, I didn't even know we were supposed to hang out today" (this was probably a good move on my part)
She says "Oh good, no big deal then"
Then I say "Nope, but let me know when you're free and we can raincheck?" (this was probably not)
No response.... As I expected. I am in some strange dodge-and-weave limbo where she's not avoiding me, but she is avoiding hanging out with me.
the next day, I discover PUA. I read for a week about all kinds of game and text and phone game. Then I start trying to "ping" her and seeing If I can use my newfound understanding to salvage this situation.
Here is how that has gone:
-no comm for a week-
Last Sunday June 17th, 12:43 pm:
Me: Whoa..... Dude, I just saw you're twin.
-I know, I don't have any openers of my own yet... sorry
Her(some 5-10 mins later): Lol what! Total twin or jus alil bit twin lol
Me 1:12pm: Total twin. You have a stronger back tho, kiddo. You should beat her up! I told her you would when she started talking to me
The "stronger back" comment was my first attempt at a neg, I clearly did not fully understand the concept at this point in time. The girl talking to me was my attempt at showing preselection and social value, I knew it wasn't subtle, but I couldn't think of any suaver way to do it.
Her (again a few minutes later): Lol get em!
Meimmediate response): Way ahead of you.... Gotta go! Don't stay out too late now, ms. Grandma routine. it almost 2 PM!
(She likes to say she's an old grandma because she always goes to bed early since she works in the morning)
Her 1:56 pm: Lol yepp I know. I can feel a nap comin on. Somefriends n I r eatin sushi now n then im headed hom
TWO DAYS LATER, July 19th
8:36 am (when things were good we confirmed plans via facebook around this time):
Me: Hey granma! I think I just found your dentures in my couch!!
Today: July 21st. 4:09 pm.
Me: Weirdest thing just happened.... I saw this rascally lookin cat on campus.... And it reminded me of you...
Her: Yep. That's purrrrdy weird.
Me: Lol...That pun was so bad it turned around and became funny again.
And that gentlemen, is where I am at with this girl. Now I don't know if it's appropriate to say I have one-itis as I am currently chasing other chicks. But I do want this one kind of badly ( maybe I shouldn't). She's a solid 8 and has a wonderful spirit (that actually DOES bring her up to a 9). She continues to be friendly and somewhat responsive towards me, but she is also the type of person who does that kind of thing.
Let me know what you all think about the totality of the interaction and what, if anything, I can do next. Also, if you happen to think there is hope for me yet and have some thoughts on text/phone game that can get me another meet up (I will def not screw that up this time), please share.
Am very excited to be part of this community.
Hope this wasn't too much of a chore to read.