I have a complex LJBF that I’d like some objective input on.
So let me put all the cards on the table here for you guys, I’ll spare no embarrassing detail.
This girl who we’ll call Amy has long been on the distance fringes of my circle of friends. I’d see her once, maybe twice a year. I always really liked her but until recently I never had the nerve to do anything about it.
The reason being that up until recently I was a virgin, as in never been kissed virgin (This is no longer an issue hehe) Nonetheless I couldn’t stand it any longer and had decided to make it a priority to change that.
We ended up going on a few dates which were great but I was in an AFC mentality and seeing as I lacked any sexual experience I didn’t know how to Kclose. On our final date she holds a long intimate hug and then we both mutually go in for the kiss. I was feeling really strongly for this girl so when it happened my mind exploded. This kiss was quick and not good but for whatever reason it sent me to another dimension. I remember telling her that I thought she “was an amazing girl” and she responded that she thought the same about me and we parted ways. My memory after the kiss is extremely fuzzy.
Anyway after that things went immediately south. She didn’t respond in any way to a text or phone call over the next 3 days. I decided to just back off. I had been teasing her flirtingly quite a bit about her having an OKcupid account so I decided it might be funny to make one because I knew she’d find it. Sure enough she did and it got us talking again.
I asked her out again and she happily accepted. We locked down a time, what we were doing, just not a meeting location since her boss walked in while she was on the phone. Afterwards she ignores my text to lock down an exact place. I call her about 30 minutes before 5:00 when we had agreed to meet, she doesn’t pick up. I’d received some rather bad news about my Dad’s cancer diagnosis so I text that I need to cancel. She responds but with apathetic condolences.
I text the next day that things were feeling tense and complicated between us – that I’d like to see her again and if that she felt the same, to call me.
A few hours later a get a huge wall of texts boiling down to a LJBF.
I respond telling her “If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. Attraction is subconscious so I get it. But I can’t just turn it off, goodbye and good luck”
The next day realizing that we share common friends I decide to smooth things over with another text letting her now that I’d enjoy keeping her as a friend. Especially since I’d just Fclosed another girl and wasn’t feeling so attached.
Amy responds she’s so happy I want to be friends yadda yadda yadda. I decide to let things sit for at least a week.
10 days go by and I send a simple “hey how’s it going” type text. She responds quickly and it turns into 2 days of on and off text flirting. Yesterday she texts me “Hang out tonight?” I’m skeptical so I invite her along to come out with some mutual friends. I wasn’t going to plan my night around her. She accepts, but seems cold. I suspect she’ll no show or cancel and sure enough I get this text “Scratch that. I can’t really come out tonight”.
I don’t respond since that is one bitchy cold text. A few hours later she calls me about some drama that happened at work and that she just wants to take some time to chill out at home. I tell her “sure, fine – just do whatever you need to do.” I honestly didn’t really care as it’s clear to me she’s just playing games.
I’m now consistently having sex with another girl who I really enjoy but there are some complications abound to arise and it can’t really go any further than it currently has.
I still like Amy but MUCH less than I use to after all this BS. I wish it could go back to when I first met her and do it all over properly. Getting to know her was wonderful but this is just a total train wreck of a situation that I think may not be salvageable.
My questions are:
1. What do you think she wants from me?
2. Is she trying to just set me up in orbit as an option?
3. Is she confused and doesn’t know what she wants?
4. Am I actually in the Friend Zone? Or in like Friend Zone Limbo?
5. What are my options? I feel like a Freeze Out is my only choice just to get the message across that I’ve seriously lost most of my interest.
Part of me wishes I could just explain have an honest discussion with her and then just walk away from it all but I think it’d just make things worse in new ways.