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  1. #1
    dawg87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Regarding Comforting/Pampering (Relationship)

    Hey all, this section is the only sectioned that seemed appropriate to ask my question in so here i go: I am in a committed relationship and my girlfriend constantly tells me that "U dont know how to comfort or pamper me. Its not rocket science, other guys can do it easily i dont know why u cant"
    To her i always tend to come of as a lecturer....for example a scenario and this almost always tend to happen during pms times when shes all not herself and is all blah and moody. I guess because i care about her so much i always try to get her to open up to me about whats bothering her or whatever and i know i cant force her to open up but i just cant see her like that i mean i know its all mother natures doing but i still try to get her to open up to me and i guess thats wat im doing wrong? i know sumtimes i go on saying oh u know u gotta b strong life is tough and it will all b ok if we take one thing at a time and not overwhelm yourself....is that me lecturing??
    im lost and i would appreciate if i can get some positive feedback or negative per say but i really want to fix this.
    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Sitfab's Avatar
    Sitfab is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Regarding Comforting/Pampering (Relationship)

    Dude, either she is trying to out-alpha you or you've been completely out-alpha'd. She's trying to transform you into a big wuss.

    Comfort is one thing, pampering is completely another thing ( and bad, I might add ). Here's why.

    Comfort is like being a barrack during a windstorm that she can go to and feel safe and protected. You want that. Period.

    Pampering is like being an endless supply of goodies for her to have and take for granted at any given time. You don't want that. You'll end up in misery.

    Why? You just gave in to the fact that her happiness and her well-being is your responsibility. Guess what? It's not. It's not your fault she's in a crappy mood, whether PMS time or not. Best of all, it's not your fault she doesn't feel pampered. People want more than they can have, always, but this doesn't mean you have to take this kind of emotional abuse shit from a woman. I've learned that the hard way ( unless you're mistreating her, which I doubt you do ).

    The only thing you can do is kindly but FIRMLY put her back in her place. Enough is enough.

  3. #3
    dawg87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Regarding Comforting/Pampering (Relationship)

    Ok i get the difference between the two. I ofcourse dont want to be taken advantage of and hence my question is can u define firmly with example some ways in which i can put her back in her place without getting things messed up?

  4. #4
    Sitfab's Avatar
    Sitfab is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Regarding Comforting/Pampering (Relationship)

    I find it kind of hard to give you a specific phrasing of words, because I don't know too much about your relationship, but I'll give it a try, because I had almost the same experience with an ex.

    She complained that I'm too authoritarian ( if that's even a word ) and she gave the example of one of my friends who was treating his gf like a wuss and she wanted that. I only said "I'm not him and if you want that kind of guy, just go to him and be with him". Never complained about it after that.

    One thing you can say is something in the lines of this :

    "Honey, I know you feel somewhat dissatisfied. I want to add that I don't want to assume this kind of drama for myself, because I feel that it's not my sole responsibility for you to feel happy, both in general and with me. I'll listen patiently to whatever you have to say, if you have to say something, but keep in mind that I don't like taking shit from anybody, especially from you."

  5. #5
    keepurcool is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Regarding Comforting/Pampering (Relationship)

    i always thought you were a very knowledgeable dude when it comes to game and stuff sitfab. and now after reading this i respect you so much more! i too was in this sort of relationship where i was treated like shit (my first girlfriend) and i just dealt with it all thinking i could never get with another girl and when i finally had enough of it i broke up with her and introduced myself to this lovely community. anyways just saying its nice to see other people who were in the same situation as i once was, and learning from their mistakes.

  6. #6
    Sitfab's Avatar
    Sitfab is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Regarding Comforting/Pampering (Relationship)

    Thank you very much, dchen. I appreciate your kind words.


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