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  1. #1
    AugmentedForCombat is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Single for way too long

    Hello all.

    I think I made a faux pas and included my entire life story in my introduction...If it needs to be moved or deleted, so be it, I can alway retype it elsewhere.

    Uh, if its not too much trouble, would someone who isn't as inexperienced as I (that is to say a pre-proto-pseudo-novice) be able to give me some advice on my introduction thread? An answer to every question and concern isn't necessary, just commentary on what seems to be the biggest problem or problems I have.

    The thread title is "I won't lie. I'm terminally AFC"

    Thank you very much in advance

  2. #2
    AugmentedForCombat is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Okay, I've waited around at the library long enough. I wish I could say I was going out to find women, but sadly I'm just going home to play Deus Ex until my eyes fall out and I need retinal enhancements. I'll be back to seek help tommorow!

  3. #3
    jkwan23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Dude, your post illustrates your biggest problem perfectly--you have no confidence and feel sorry for yourself. Look at you, asking for permission to introduce yourself a certain way, afraid to make an incorrect post on an anonymous dating forum--fark that dude, get real. I'm not a PUA at all, not an expert, but I have enough experience to know you need to make some serious changes before you do/read anything else. Here's 3 points regarding this and your other posts.

    1. Start doing things that make you feel good, eat better, exercise, do well at school/work, start a new hobby--anything that will build some confidence. Video games are fine, but don't waste all ur time with them but only play every now and then.

    2. Start socializing more and join a group/club. This is related to 1 because guys who play video games 24/7 often don't know anything about current events, sports, dating, and other topics because they haven't spent time reading/thinking about those things. This makes it hard to socialize when everyone is talking about the game last night or a movie and you have no idea what those things are because you were up in your room all week. I'm serious check the local paper or online for some social opportunities, ask random people on the street for directions, go to coffee stores and ask people for recommendations--anything to get you started.

    3. Improving your appearance, even slightly, will help in 2 ways. First, and most obviously, you should start eating healthier and exercising. You will not only look better but feel better (being overweight puts a lot of physical stress on the body and mental stress on you. Second, it is easier to socialize when you think you look good (get clothes that fit, get a decent haircut etc.). Say to yourself "Hey I look well put together, people are going to be receptive when I talk them".

    Finally, and most importantly, you have to make a sincere effort to see results. This goes for everyone on the forum, if you sit back and read posts and say "oh yeah I'll do this tomorrow" or "yeah I probably should do this" you'll get no where. Only guys who take action succeed.

    Best,

    Jkwan23

  4. #4
    AugmentedForCombat is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Well, I'm certainly not Chime, but I'll do what I can to address your concerns about my concerns. I warn that some of it will look defensive, but to that end I will elaborate some on my condition.

    The crux of the issue is that I have let Aspergers Syndrome (Which I was diagnosed at the age of 8, which was almost 15 years ago. I'm not a self diagnosis kind of a guy, well, except for knowing I'm WBAFC XD ) run rampant in distorting and destroying what social skills I have, what I think of myself, and my ability to learn fluidly.

    Confidence is certainly an issue I have, sometimes I feel I can succeed at anything if I try hard enough, but then I fail once at something and never try it again (I've been doing that since childhood i.e. riding a bike, roller skates, ice skating, boarding, hockey, sports in general, socializing, etc.). I have no idea how to break my fear of failure which in its entierty summarizes my fear of rejection. I will NOT enough look at women. I was at my library today, and this stunning hot blonde comes in when I'm talking to the librarian about why the new cellphone tower they built nearby is disrupting/interfering with the 802.11g transmissions from the libraries own wifi connection to its parent hub a town away, and I literally start saying "Its fixable if...you get...if you get someone...that uh...knows...how to change...I mean someone who works for you that is...to change the...uh...the channel you're um...broad...uh broadcasting." And then I said "I have to go, see you later!" and I left in such a hurry I didn't even pick up my laptop from the desk I was using. I had to wait across the street smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee until the blonde left so I could go back to work/research/writing/reading.

    Hmm...I am an 24/7 kind of video game player, and that certainly cuts into (exceedingly) my acquisition of the current events, but I do check every now and again from several sources to read up. But anyways, I'm deflecting the suggestion. I need to be honest though, I'm going to paste in here something I wrote today on another dating advice forum when they gave me the same suggestions about getting out and socializing.

    " I agree, it is so much easier to sit in front of my own computer and think of what may be, than to actually go and achieve what is. I do not like to underwrite my own thoughts with the achievement of mediocrity as the high point. To me, nothing I do is mediocre. I am either fantastic at something (reading, writing, analyzing music and events, playing bass, achieving gaming zen mode, etc.) or deplorable at something (self care, socializing, self worth [to a point], establishment of goals, undertaking risks, etc.). The reason they (my mental health professionals) do not attempt to change my attitudes on physical (and social) health is because I'm very good at wording things so people read between the lines and discontinue a pointless discussion. That is one of my worst habits. When they ask "How is your hygiene?" I answer "I do what I must, it has to be good enough. If I didn't make an effort, I wouldn't be here at all". If they ask "How is your social life?" I may say "I have my friend, I talk to God, and he illuminates me when I ready, what else could someone want?' "

    I go on to say about group interactions...

    " I appreciate your concern, but here is one of my many achillies heels, or if you will the tracing of the achillies heel on a spiralgraph. I do not like group outings. I feel hopelessly alone in groups. I can not permeate, penetrate, infiltrate, interject, include, disperse, converse, elude, format, reformat, or conduct an integration into a group setting. I am strictly a one on one, possibly two extrenuous people conversationalist. I used to play in moderately successful bands, and we were always invited to or (were) organizing parties. I was the one (The bassist obviously) that sat in the corner with a mickey or 40 (depending on my mood) of vodka and stewed over how easy all of it looked to the other people around me. When people would come up to me and try to initiate conversation I would either dismiss them "Can't you see I'm trying to drink here?", deflect "I don't feel like talking to both of you" or defend myself "I'm strictly here on buisiness". This is ingrained in me, but I will say that one on one I am a wonderful conversationalist. Sorry if it seems like I'm rebuking your suggestion. All of my mental health professionals have been pressuring me, or if you will, gently pushing me towards including my self in those groups and others that are in this area."

    I'm really quite stuck, and unfortunately I hope I don't become a canker sore on this site. I don't want to be the stupid WBAFC that mulls around and feels sorry for himself. I know what you mean "You need to make some changes before you do/read anything else". I've started reading excerpts from The Game and its so over my head its like triganometry to me. I know what the "newbie mission" is and I nearly swallowed my tongue at the thought of saying hi to a stranger...ESPECIALL Y a woman of comparable age to myself.

    In regards to your 3. : I've never excersised in my life and it shows, I'm overweight and wierd looking for a guy who has the body type known as an "athletic habitus". I have no muscle, which really shows up badly against my gut. When I mean I have no muscle, I mean I can't do a pushup or a sit up or even attempt a chin up. I have no idea how to excersise and I don't want to tell my doctor about it because I'm afraid to take my shirt off, (as an aside I stopped taking my shirt off to go swimming when I was around 11 or 12, and I haven't swam in almost 8 years). I smoke a pack a day, and I can't run a block before I develop a cramp. I can't run half of that. I know that this sounds like really, really, bad self pity. I'm sure it is, but I want out of it. If I was asked something intellectually (not math related, lol) then I'd have the confidence to answer. And then theres clothes...Thats a whole other issue. All of my pants are either falling off me because their 4 sizes to big (and I don't do the baggy jeans thing) or they almost cause contusions and abrasions on my waist because they are too tight. All my shirts are just t shirts, which I guess is okay, but basically I'm like a microsoft paint primary/secondary colour swatch. I used to have tremendous brutal metal hair that was well taken care of and it went down nearly past my ass, lol. (I know, thats too long) But now I've got this bad Shaggy from scooby doo thing going on, and I'm too afraid to go to a hair salon because I haven't found any male hairstylists in the area. Yes, its that bad that I couldn't let a woman (Even if she was 30 years older than me and like haggatha the mighty crone) even touch my hair!

    Last thing. If you were in this position and you were asking me the question, would you believe that I was sincere whether I said it or not? At this point, there is nothing I can do to convince anyone on this site, or mASF or anything that I want to get better. If my grammar and such didn't give it away, you'd all probably think I was a 13 year old pseudo-emo kid with pink hair and nipple spacers with TWILIGHT tattooed on my face just looking to write something that other people would read so I could stock up on my 3 A.M. cry myself to sleep blog parade. But sh1t! I'm not that, and never was, just another WBAFC. Hopefully, its not terminal.

    Thanks for listening to a semi psychotic rant.

    AFC

  5. #5
    jkwan23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Listen, I'm not a psychiatrist or specialist who knows anything about your condition, but I know this:

    If you are capable of forming intelligent thoughts such as those above, and if you are smart enough to know that the lifestyle you lead is an unhealthy one, then you can change. Period.

    People that are helpless are the ones that refuse to admit they need to change, the ones that wouldn't even bother to seek out this website. By posting here at all, you prove that you are capable of change, even subtle changes.

    So start making SMALL changes, pick one fattening food you eat and substitute a healthy one. Try playing an hour less video games a day and take a short walk instead. And if this means playing 23 hours instead of 24 then so be it, progress is progress no matter how little. Afraid to talk to a girl in person? Go into a chat room and talk to one there, just take baby steps.

    And finally--and I mean this--stop farking feeling sorry for yourself, stop lamenting your misfortune, and keep your damn head up. Your life isn't that bad, you aren't terminally ill, you aren't a slave, and if you have internet access at all, you aren't totally impoverished either. Keep that stuff in mind next time.

  6. #6
    Steve31 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Reading up about NLP is a great way to gain confidence and help relieve your fears. One thing NLP teaches you is that your perception creates limiting beliefs about yourself. Everytime you say i "cant" do something, think deep down, "this is really true" our perceived limits are not our actual limits. Think of it this way...if you put as much time into changing yourself as you do playing video games you could see improvement quickly! Stay positive and dont give up!

  7. #7
    AugmentedForCombat is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Thanks for the advice, everyone. There is a lot I have to do, and I'm still at that "I'm not sure what to do first" phase. Not only am I struggling with my social life, but I'm not in school (never finished high school), and I have no hope of getting a job, the longest I lasted at a job was 2 weeks. So now I'm faced with going back to school AND this. I don't even know when to start. I see so many good ideas from you guys, and then I think "I don't even know how to act upon it." I've went from way to many hours of video games a day to way to many hours on the internet searching for help and answers from multiple sites on multiple subjects, I think I'm just going to end up overwhelming myself. I'll look into what I can do next.

  8. #8
    Steve31 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Like i said before NLP will really help with your low confidence and it helps you set goals and achievable outcomes...i also think your video game playing is direct link to your unhappyness and as using video games as a way to escape your reality...some people use drugs to escape, others watch way to much TV and play too much video games..when you use a substance as a way to cover up and escape your problems you can never solve them...i noticed this in my own life...i used to be a heavy smoker of marijuana...when i wanted to become more social but thought it was too hard i would think "hey i can get happy from smoking why not do that" essentially i was using that as the "easy way out" i think the concepts here can apply to video game playing kind of taking the easy way out to escape your problems...since reading NLP i learned you can control your own feelings/moods/emotions just by yourself and since i havnt used marijuana as an escape from my reality...instead i can recognized a problem, and have a clear mind and motivation to solve it...since then i have joined alot more clubs in my school and have been a lot happier and more active.

  9. #9
    CalmCoolConfident is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Single for way too long

    Okay, I may be new here, however, when I read this entire thread I knew I had to say something. Yes, Deus Ex is a farking awesome game and I love games too. But playing them constantly can become a habit, and not particularly a great one, considering you desire such a social life. I am in the same rut as you. As I may not have Aspergers (I actually have ADHD, but I believe I've conquered most of it), I pretty much fall into that category of being a hermit crab. I stay at home most of the time, I don't have a job, I rarely go out and hang with friends, I play video games/internet surf throughout the day, God knows what else, this isn't even the extent of my sorry excuse for a daily agenda. Hell, I get high on Spice late at night and sleep in til 1 in the afternoon the next day. So please don't tell me we aren't at least in the same boat by even the slightest bit. We are in a rut/phase/trench that we seemingly can't escape from. Also, I've sort of always been socially secluded, slightly due to the kind of area I live in.

    Now, I may be one to talk here, but I believe that since we're practically going through the same thing, it'd be in both our best interests to help each other out. Here is a formula that has helped me before I REALLY let my life go down the shithole... The number ONE thing we absolutely need to take care of is how we view ourselves, only THEN will we actually be able to take action in our lives. We have to look at ourselves from different viewpoints rather than the same one we've been using this entire goddamn time. Let's put it this way, if you've been trying something for the longest time with little to zero results, then the method you've been using this whole time obviously isn't working - no matter how many more times you try it. My point: Switch roles. Switch your life around. Only YOU are in control of your life. Nothing else. Let's not get religious/philosophical here, this is strictly for guidelines. You are the man of your own personal world. You are the sun in your solar system, everything is revolving around you. Even physicists will tell you this as a proven fact, especially when it comes to quantum physics. This is self-evident and basic stuff that I have learned by doing some... "inner viewing", if you will, and countless days of research on self-motivation, psychology, philosophy and other stuff. Some helpful ways to change how you look at yourself would be positive affirmations, visual meditation, and energy channeling. This may seem a bit New Age-ish, but please bare with me. The positive affirmations are the easiest and most convenient for many people out there. You can practice repeating these affirmations in your head throughout the day while doing any kind of task, even gaming! Just create a list of phrases that actually seem uplifting! Don't list something like "I want to be confident" or "I wish I was successful". That tells your subconscious the same thing you randomly think about while you masturbate in a depressed state of mind to anime hentai porn late at night at your computer behind closed doors (LOL). Just joking of course, but you catch my drift.. Instead, what you want to list as a positive and influential affirmation is "I AM confident and successful!" or " I CAN do this!" or "I AM attractive!", "I AM a successful pick-up artist!"...stuff like that! This has actually worked for me, and I was very skeptical of this at first. Just write down a list of stuff like this and read that list over and over everyday whenever you can and repeat it in your head. Eventually, your subconscious will pick up on this and put that mindset into auto-pilot! Please try this - it really works. It takes a few days to see amazing results! Also, visual meditation helps too. You can look up videos on youtube about guided visual meditation and you can find and face fears deep down in the depths of your being and bring them to light...and other less scary stuff haha! Besides, actually BREATHING in and out is healthy for your body AND relaxing, so do it as much as you wish. Energy channeling is pretty simple and has absolutely NOTHING to do with occult or magic stuff, so don't get me wrong here. I pretty much just let myself get angry while thinking of how much I can do with my life yet not allowing myself to do anything at the same time, and channel that anger into productive activities. We all know that anger is a strong emotion. Just because it's negative doesn't mean you can't use it positively to your advantage. Let's say you want to start playing guitar or any musical instrument... Use the strong emotion with your Will to be channeled into practicing the instrument for a half hour everyday. Then step it up to an hour, maybe, if you so wish. Once you start doing all this (affirmations, self-motivation, etc.), you'll start setting things into a routine...almost automatically! (because you'll start having the energy to do so, due to the positive energy coarsing through your veins)

    The second step is to form a daily routine. I cannot give much advice on that except for this: You have to start out small. Otherwise, you'll psych yourself out by burdening yourself with too much work already. The subconscious mind is like an auto-pilot program. It works habitually. The only way to form a habit is by reprogramming your subconscious. The way to do that is simple. Just like learning how to walk when you were a toddler, by putting one foot in front of the other constantly for a while, you can form the auto-pilot command prompt to do anything like it's a second nature! It's so easy and natural, it barely takes up any time in a day to do so. If you're the impatient type, like me, you just have to get over it and keep it up. Hate to burst your bubble, but there's really no other way around it. You just have to be a Man and deal with it. As ego-ish as that sounds, it's true. Girls are attracted to men who DEAL with things, rather than complaining or self-pitying over spilt milk. Hell, MEN are attracted to guys who are calm, cool, and confident about anything that happens. Not to sound homo or anything lol.

    The next step....is taking action in your life in all things that interest you. Once you've conquered the previous steps, everything will already be laid out in front of you like "if you were to touch it, it would turn to gold" kinda thing. I am serious. This has helped me tremendously. The only reason I'm still in a rut is because I'm just starting out on this plan, and it's also due to the fact that I haven't been sticking with it for the past few years, obviously. Not only open your mind, but open yourself up to new opportunities, and get yourself into a good social group, whatever it may be. Basically, I have broken down what the people before me have posted here. This is just me adding to the help/advice they're giving you (and me, in some ways). I don't know whether you're religious or not, and frankly, I don't care, no offense. What many confident and successful men have learned in this world will tell you that God/Life/Universe only helps those that help themselves. Just like how Hermes Trismegistus said it,"Whatever is above is like that which is below, and whatever is below is like that which is above." Physicists will tell you that it's proven that the Universe is a macrocosm and you as a human being are a microcosm, meaning: The world around you reflects the world inside you. The Universe reflects the inner you, and vice versa. This is the ultimate advice I have ever heard in my entire life - hands down. Ever since I heard this, I have viewed my life completely different than I ever had before. Look, this post is coming from someone who pretty much understands where you're coming from and what you're going through. Please, at least take this into your consideration and try it out! I genuinely do hope this will help you out.

    Good luck and stay positive!


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