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  1. #21
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    Default What's the big idea…? I wonder…

    This story probably has bored you to death. Though I'm diving in this experience as an invaluable source for my future, if anything.

    I will go in super summary mode:
    The night before this girl's boyfriend was scheduled to come visit, I met her. I walked her to her place at night (we were holding hands but not more) and she invited me over.
    « Ok, but just for a tea. » I said.
    « Actually, I don't have any tea. » she replied while walking before me.
    « Whatever. » I said.

    At some point in her kitchen, drinking tea (she had tea), I escalated and we started making out. I took her shirt off, but, when we started to make too much noise, she became too self-conscious and stopped me (she has flatmates) and sat on a chair with her head in her hands.

    Then we moved to the bedroom. A few make-out sessions and LMRs later (on which I should point out she at some point said: « I want to f**k you so badly… but I can't! ») I was going down on her… and she was thoroughly enjoying that, pushing my head and stuff.
    When suddenly her alarm clock rang: she was supposed to go to the train station and get the train to the airport to pick up her BF in like 10 minutes.

    So she stopped. She stopped the alarm clock. Waited a bit, then jumped on me and grabbed my junk and we started escalating. Five minutes later, her phone rang and, you guessed it, it was her BF.
    She goes in panic mode, answers to him like she was sleeping and I get dressed.
    Before going she says this thing that perhaps is worth noting: « I have never been so immoral in my life. And the fact is that I don't feel bad about it and I don't want you to go away. »

    Between then and Saturday I opt to send her a funny email, just to act cool, and give her good feelings while reminding her of her time spent with me. She answers with a funny text message.

    Saturday I go out to a club really close to my house; since my house is quite far from the city center, reaching that club is not an obvious decision for your average Saturday night (I went there to make sure not to meet her and to game other girls).
    But she was there, with her boyfriend and other friends.
    I was really flabbergasted by the careless way she introduces her BF to me… but, nevertheless, I act cool.

    Actually I act so cool that, when we go outside of the club and start walking, her BF and me were speaking about all sorts of stuff in isolation, having fun. He says goodbye to me with a sincere smile, saying: « It was wonderful to meet someone like you, tonight. »

    Today she sends me a text message saying: « That should never have happened. I'm sorry. »


    I'm really confused. I thought that purposefully going to this club with her BF was like some kind of sh1t test; or maybe a way so that next time we meet and escalate (if we do), she could share the guilt with me and maybe feel a bit better about it (since, from now on, I am also doing something immoral). Though her text message isn't consistent with those conclusions.

    I really wonder what's the big idea in her mind, and what the scenario turned to now.
    This has really thought me a lot of things about relationships, morality and women. Not that I want to say they're all the same, but it opened to me a few scenarios I would have not understood if this hadn't happened.
    I know for sure my aim with this girl is definitely not an LTR, and the way she's conducting her own LTR right now is bloodcurdling.

    As usual, any insight appreciated.

    神羅

  2. #22
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    Default Re: When to fight and when to next?

    Not sure but i think you're right on the second option

    She chose that club for a reason but it could be one of many, very good work playing it cool tho if it was a test you passed

    What she said to you matters, I think between those you may be able to proceed with an understanding between you two about what this is
    For now keep the tone you have had, be funny, next time you end up hanging out and the bf is gone you can probably escalate with less resistance
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  3. #23
    The Red Baron's Avatar
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    Default Re: When to fight and when to next?

    And a note - I think she regretted going to the club after, but she did go for a reason
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  4. #24
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    Default Re: When to fight and when to next?

    Just a question, then: how should I deal with this event? Should I ever bring it up? Probably not.
    What if she brings it up? Should I tell her something like: « Yeah, definitely it should never have happened. » or « What was going on in your mind when you decided to do that? », or disqualifying in some aggressive way, like: « If you wanted to find a way not to ever have sex with me, you just did: now that I know him we're not getting any further » or maybe, explicitly sympathizing with her sense of guilt?

    I don't know. None of these reactions sounds optimal; actually the do sound quite bad. But also acting as if I didn't care if she brings it up doesn't sound that good. Besides, I do care a bit; though I don't know him, I kinda feel a jerk for having shook hands and smiled and kept eye contact with someone whose girlfriend I had gone down a few days before.

  5. #25
    The Red Baron's Avatar
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    Default Re: When to fight and when to next?

    Hey sorry I missed your post here a bit ago

    My best guess if she brings it up, say like "it's cool girl, just... Don't let it happen again" (wink when you say the second part).
    You have to say the second part as teasing, maybe prod her on the shoulder or whatever. But above all you want to seem unaffected. It leaves doubt in her mind about your actual feelings on it which is beneficial, and you avoid coming across as a guy who gets caught up on drama

    Hope this advice is still timely let me know what's developed recently
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  6. #26
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    Default Re: When to fight and when to next?

    Yeah, thanks for the advice Red Baron: it was timely to the extent that I didn't need to deal with it, as she never brought it up again, and we pretended the whole thing didn't happen/exist.

    The development is: I f-closed her.

    Just for the FR sake, and since you followed this story all along, you may be interested on how the last step happened: I'm not sure about it, but I basically think it is because of this.
    We decided to go to the cinema together to see a movie we thought a lot about. I was waiting for her at the cinema, and she got there with an orbiter of hers. Ahah, super shit test.

    I played the interaction really cool and smoothly, though, and actually used the orbit's presence to my advantage (though he did a lot of kino on her, and stuff like this, while I never touched her, though not looking any disappointed/jealous).
    At the end of the movie, I was the first to eject by saying that I was going home. But she insisted that we come at her place to eat dinner, because her flatmate made homemade pasta. I accepted, but on the “yea, but just for the dinner” terms.

    At her place there were her flatmate/best friend's parents visiting her from abroad. I totally lead the interaction, got their interest, acted cool, made everybody laugh, while the orbiter never spoke. As her parents were about to go away, back to their hotel, I though: what am I going to do after they go away? It's just going to be an awkward situation of chitty-chat, from which at some point I'll have to eject; and that point would probably be together with the orbiter — which is like saying I'm another orbiter as well.
    So I'll just proptly took the chance and told them: « If you'll wait me a second, I also have to go, so I can walk you to the hotel. » they were more than happy, as my city is kinda infamous for being a dangerous one.

    The whole thing was a huge DHV.
    The next day her flatmate even sent me a text message thanking me and saying she had no words.


    The night I spoke about in the last post, I was actually walking her home from a friend's party she had invited me to. People at the party seemed to have liked me, as one of them invited me to another party the other day, to which she was invited as well.
    But I guess that being invited from her friends was another DHV.

    We had almost no kino going on at the party, but after we went out together at night, we started joking and laughing and I kissed her all of a sudden.
    We had some more serious make out sessions in the streets and then she whispered: « tonight I'm going to walk you home ».
    I smiled and we started walking.
    Though, as I mentioned, my place is really far away (about one hour walking there from the party place), so I was a bit concerned about losing the state.
    But we didn't, it took much more time to actually get to my place, as we continuously stopped making out.

    Well, that's about it.


    We had a really good time and she somehow managed to be really relaxed about that. I'm not sure if she broke up with her bf, or she just decided to let the tension go. I think it is the latter, though.

    Today — i.e. the next day — she sent me a really emotional email. It is kind of confused, though, and I didn't get the whole meaning of it.
    Though she mentions things like “breathlessness of waiting for your emails. With the heart beat when I though you appeared in the corner of the eye.”

    She ended the email on an unclear note, however:

    « I don't know what to do.

    But there is the 12/18 and then just one more breath and my "impossible love", [city-name], so full of your presence will be far away again. »


    She is referring to the fact that on Dec. 18th she's going back to her home country for three weeks (not where her BF is). And, after that, she's going back to my city for "one more breath" (a few weeks more) and then back to the place where she lives with her BF. And, the "impossible love" part is a quote of a friend of mine we met just after waking up together, who tried to make a life in my city, but had a lot of problems. And so he called my city his "impossible love", as he's visiting back for a few days.

    I'm not sure what she means, though. Or, rather, what she feels.
    What is she asking for? Commitment on my part? Or, on the contrary, it's another way of saying: « We'll have fun until I'm going away, then it's over. »
    Or maybe: « Please give me a strong reason to stay here and not leave. »
    On the other hand, it feels like she's really afraid of these three weeks away from here.


    I would appreciate any thought on this. Though, yea, thanks for your advice until now, I guess it's cool things worked out and we followed the whole story all along. There is a lot to be learned here


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