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  1. #1
    ANDREWMONTE is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need Help Keeping Her Interested

    Hey fellas. I'm a noob and still consider myself an AFC. I've been separated and living on my own for about 4 months now and I've closed with a few women, all I met online.

    Right now I have a few girls in my life, all single mothers by the way. It's funny cuz they're all 30 years old. I'm 33. The one girl in particular I want to focus on is, I'll call her Amanda. She winked at me through Match.com. We eventually started texting. And the texting became very frequent. We met a few days later, and it went ok, but we both made it clear that we were looking for different things. She is ready for a relationship and I told her I wasn't having just becoming single after a 9 year relationship. I told her I was just looking to make friends and keep things casual.

    So after the date I thought that that was it. She texted me later that she was sorry if she was too harsh in telling me what she wanted. I didn't respond for several hours. I eventually sent her a wink smiley face. And she sent me a pic of her in a bikini, and said maybe she'll let me waste her time or she can waste my time. So from there we just continued texting. We would see each other every so often. We'd go run together sometimes. She's a single mom so her time was limited but I really went out of my way to spend time with her because she lives about half an hr from me. The third week in of pretty steady texting and seeing each other, she asked me again what I was doing with her. And I re-affirmed that I was just looking for friends. And she said that that is why she has refrained from physical contact.

    Even though I had try to get a kiss out of her and we actually did kiss at my request a time or two. Nothing heavy. Though she did give me pecks of my neck and let me hold her with my hands on her waist. There was definitely some sexual tension. Well, the big day was on a Saturday(3 weeks in), I had my son with me that weekend and I ended meeting up with her and her twin boys. We spent the day together with the boys. We had a great time. We ended going back to her apartment. We started having some wine while the boys played video games. Eventually we put the boys to sleep and she lured me into her bedroom and we played around a little while. She jumped on top of me.

    I forget what we were talking about but we were being very playful. We eventually slept together though it took a while because she actually backed off of me and I had to re-engage her. Well long story short, I was really getting into this girl emotionally. We had a great time, had a lot of laughs, a lot of physical intimacy that night with the kissing, holding, etc. While we were lying in bed afterwards she actually said that she was ok, and that she thinks we will be able to handle just being friends. Because up to that point, she told me she didn't want to get physical without a commitment.

    But I was getting caught up emotionally with her big time and that's not what I wanted to hear. So, a couple days later, I approached her and asked her where she thought we stood, and she said that we are just friends. And I told her cool, but if she wanted to make this exclusive, that that is something I'd be willing to explore with her. And that's really what I thought I wanted. She hesitated, though she didn't say no. But I took her hesitation as rejection and I pulled away for a couple of days without texting. She got upset about that and we met in person to talk about it and things seemed to get back on track for a little while, but they quickly deteriorated. She was losing interest. And it got the point where I froze her out for over a week. No texts. Nothing. She texted after 8 days saying that she thought about me while watching a movie with an actor I liked. I just responded "oh yea? lol. i like that movie."

    And that was it. She made a comment under one of my FB statuses, and I would make a comment here and there on one her FB status. It was also obvious through my FB updates and check-ins that I was out living my life, having fun, and going out. Even though I did think about her a lot. We actually started texting again a couple of days ago. Her interest seems to be coming back. She lost a few pounds a sent me a pic with her in her panties showing me the weight she lost. This was just yesterday. I told her that it's too bad we don't see each any more because I've been working out too lol. She responded "We will". I also told her that she's wearing too much clothes in those pics. She responded, "silly man". So as her interest seems to be coming back, I definitely want to play it right this time.

    I know I gave away my hand to her and that is why she lost interest. I made myself way too available to her. I was no longer a challenge to her. I let myself get caught up with her emotionally by texting too much and just thinking about her too much. I need to keep pursuing other women and not get "oneitis". Like I said this all new to me. I'm only a few months in, and I'm learning by my mistakes. I appreciate any suggestions and advice you have for me.

  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need Help Keeing Her Interested

    Good observations and reflections, right on on giving away your hand

    She's sending you pics, you really need to re-engage, invite her out again on a date or something, out for drinks, play

    I think you need to reframe the situation again, obviously she wants something, but not fully defined yet

    I would bring it up again, something like ... " listen, I really like you, and I want to keep seeing you. I don't know what that means right now, but can we keep hanging out and see what happens?"

    Don't define it specifically, but something open like that lets you keep your intentions honest. You get to give her what she wants but take back control

    And yes by all means keep dating other people until she pushes the relationship on you. If she asks right now don't step too far into it, tell her something like "I think we should hang out if we want to see each other, I dont wanna worry about definitions just yet"

    Let me know what you think
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  3. #3
    sammytucker is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Need Help Keeing Her Interested

    I completely agree. . . somewhat. You did reveal your hand. When it comes to dating always leave it up to the woman to put the label on the relationship. Never ask! You keep playing your part correctly. Don't reveal your hand. Keep seeing other women. Live your life. The more she's attracted to you the more she will open up to you. Eventually she will confront you with wanting to label your relationship as a "couple". As a man its not your job to worry about the label. Let her decide she wants you exclusively and then let her playfully earn that label.

    Do you follow me?

  4. #4
    ANDREWMONTE is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help Keeing Her Interested

    Thanks fellas. I totally agree with you. UPDATE: We went out for an early afternoon drink this past Sunday. We hadn't seen each other in a few weeks. We hugged when we saw each other and we had a lot of good conversation and laughs for a couple of hours. We both opened up about some recent dates we had, one thing that we never did before. So she is actively dating as am I. One big mistake I've learned on this forum, is that I came into this relationship claiming I was only looking for friends. So her walls were up because of that, even though she admitted to me more than once that she liked more that that. And then when I started to really like her, she was a bit taken back when I asked if she wanted to be exclusive(another big mistake I know). So back to Sunday, I gave her a ride back home, and before letting her go up to her apartment I put my hands on her waist and pulled her toward me for a kiss and we kissed a couple of times, no tongue. I joked that she was holding back, and she told me that I need to kiss Teresa, another girl I told her I was dating. And that was that. It was all cool and fun though. I had a little buzz going which helped. The next day I texted her that I had fun and we exchanged texts sporadically throughout the day. I told her that I landed a date for that night which was the truth. She mentioned that she had a date set up for Fri night. Then the next day, she texted me about 1:30pm asking how the date went. I told her the truth, that I had a great time. She mentioned that she hadn't heard back from one of her dates the past weekend. So we're just kind of acting like buddies right now, but I definitely don't want to be in the friendzone with her. I am going to take it slow. I'll look for opportunities to spend time with her. But I feel I have to take it very slow. Because before I made myself way too available to her, and made her feel like she was my only option. When she told me that she had a date set up for Fri night, my response was "look @ u! ur my hero lol" and she responded "ha ha no i dont like to be the little girl that sits at home and cries." That was on Monday. I didn't really acknowledge that text until today, Wednesday, I said "i doubt u will ever heave to be the girl who sits at home and cries, but if u ever are, u know my #". she responded "lol, i do at times. but i try my best not too" and I didn't respond all day. And that's all we've texted today. Though she liked one of my comments on FB and I made a funny comment under one of her FB updates. I don't think it was a good idea to send her that text today. What do you think? And any other advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

  5. #5
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need Help Keeing Her Interested

    It's time to set her up for multiple LTR

    She already knows your dating so you may have to modify your discussion, but check this out- its how I tell every girl that I'm also dating other people, and they are all cool with it

    http://www.puaforums.com/dating-advi...exclusive.html

    Let me know what you think
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval




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