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  1. #1
    Jaz
    Jaz is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel bad?

    Last night I had one of those nights that everyone dreads, when your oneitis snogs another guy. There is this girl at work who I get on exceptionally well with, loads of IOIs (see this old thread about her http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...hen-drunk.html) and sheís even kissed me on the lips at a previous night out. She almost was a oneitis, I thinkÖ.

    And to make matters worse, she has a long term, long distance boyfriend. But thatís not the farked up thing! Last night when we were out after work with some colleagues/mates, she was all over me, gave me another kiss on the lips, a big wet kiss on the cheek and kissed my hand. She was very drunk at the time and when she is drunk itís clear she is a slut. Afterwards, she told me to come with her to the dance floor and wanted to dance. However, as I was feeling very drunk, but more so because I didnít have the confidence to dance and try it on with her (lack of experience and fear of looking like an idiot with the one girl you donít want to look bad in front of), I didnít really dance with her and stood their talking. Then, another colleague of mine (who she had talked to earlier) sees how drunk she is and starts dancing with her. I go back and sit down and then to my surprise/horror, I see them making out.

    To sum up, I donít know what Iím more upset about.

    1) My kind of oneitis gets it on with someone else.
    2) Knowing that should have been me with her instead of him, and I should have taken the chance!!!!!
    3) When a girl youíve wanted for a long time you donít get, but then someone else does easily.
    4) Knowing now that given she is in a long term relationship and does that kind of thing, she is clearly a slag, and what am I doing getting hung up about over a slag.

    Your thoughts?

    How do I make sure this doesnít happen again and move on?

    P.S. This is a completely different girl than the one mentioned on this recent thread (http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...-get-girl.html) where it looks like I may have missed my chance with this other girl as she is leaving the country. When you combine both these 2 situations, Iím really starting to think why is life so farked up. Though, the only saving grace could possibly be that both these situations prove that neither is a oneitis.
    Last edited by Jaz; 01-14-2012 at 12:05 PM.

  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel shit?

    Youre falling for the first girls to flirt with you. Yes she's showing you IOIs, but you gotta learn to filter. You're falling for the flirts, classic chump mistake

    This is one-itis in a sense but slightly different, it's less you're hung up on the girl(s) and more about your own inner insecurity, this is something you need to be aware of so you can see it when you're falling for the next girl

    Those girls can be fun, you coulda even been the one making out with her (possibly more if you play it right), but they're not consistent or worth getting hung up on, they're a kids toy you shouldn't get invested with

    I put up a post on inner game discussing similar issues if you want to keep reading http://www.puaforums.com/how-talk-gi...html#post32986
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    Bradders's Avatar
    Bradders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel shit?

    Dont worry old boy! but remember taht there is more then one guy out there too! one that isnt afraid to push when he should push.
    by all means play it safe in unfamilier territory but dont be surprised if someone that was willing to take the chance got their before you.

    example

    man A flirts with girl, girl C is interested and wants to kiss,
    man A abit unsure calls his fake time constraint and wanders off leaving her in a good place but still leaving her all the same
    man B(radders) flirts with girl, girl C is interested and wants to kiss
    man B takes the chance and goes to kiss her, BANG bang bang

    you'll do fine if you get IOI's escelate to kino and mild sexual tension
    you still get IOI's kiss that girl!

    here are some nice little wayst o gauge if shes ready

    1: if you lean in, she will either stay where she is, or lean in too(you can pretend your just leaning or takeing dirt of her shoulder or waving who cares) - this is becasue she no longer minds you being in her personal space, and prephaps wants you there
    2:did you shake her hand? shake it, bodly language is sucha tell, especialy if they cant control it, the feet are the best way to tell, does she step away? hold her ground? does she step in? she steppd it? kiss her!
    3:centers her body on you, moves in close, brushes her haira way from her mouth, puckers her lips, cares more about her physical appearnce infront of you, she wants to look good for when you kiss her face off! HA!

    little tips im sure you can work on. good luck old boy! let me know how it goes
    "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most
    responsive to change." Charles Darwin

  4. #4
    Fratstar is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel shit?

    She's just like most girls out there who just want to have fun. She clearly wanted you more than the other guy hence why she tried to get you to show her a good time. Because you failed to go out and dance with her, another guy saw the chance and took it. This is good, because now you know how easy it really is.

    All you had to do was show her a good time. Girls just want to have fun. Don't get oneitis with this girl, but you definitely still stand an equal chance to hook up with her next time. But next time get your ass out on the dance floor and have fun. Trust me, you'll have a more fun dancing and hooking up than you would "talking" on the side.

    If you're a bad dancer, just say something like:

    "I'm a really good dancer so I hope you can keep up" and drag her out there.

    She'll laugh when she realizes you suck, and you can joke about it.

    FS

  5. #5
    Jaz
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    Default Re: Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel sh1t?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Red Baron View Post
    This is one-itis in a sense but slightly different, it's less you're hung up on the girl(s) and more about your own inner insecurity, this is something you need to be aware of so you can see it when you're falling for the next girl
    That is exactly it. It has always been partly about doing it for myself, for my own pride and confidence. Now, that is the case much more so. It's about getting a girl that I really should have got with, as I'm getting sick and tired of being in situations where I really should have got the girl and never did.

  6. #6
    Jaz
    Jaz is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel sh1t?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bradders View Post
    Dont worry old boy! but remember taht there is more then one guy out there too! one that isnt afraid to push when he should push.
    by all means play it safe in unfamilier territory but dont be surprised if someone that was willing to take the chance got their before you.

    example

    man A flirts with girl, girl C is interested and wants to kiss,
    man A abit unsure calls his fake time constraint and wanders off leaving her in a good place but still leaving her all the same
    man B(radders) flirts with girl, girl C is interested and wants to kiss
    man B takes the chance and goes to kiss her, BANG bang bang

    you'll do fine if you get IOI's escelate to kino and mild sexual tension
    you still get IOI's kiss that girl!

    here are some nice little wayst o gauge if shes ready

    1: if you lean in, she will either stay where she is, or lean in too(you can pretend your just leaning or takeing dirt of her shoulder or waving who cares) - this is becasue she no longer minds you being in her personal space, and prephaps wants you there
    2:did you shake her hand? shake it, bodly language is sucha tell, especialy if they cant control it, the feet are the best way to tell, does she step away? hold her ground? does she step in? she steppd it? kiss her!
    3:centers her body on you, moves in close, brushes her haira way from her mouth, puckers her lips, cares more about her physical appearnce infront of you, she wants to look good for when you kiss her face off! HA!

    little tips im sure you can work on. good luck old boy! let me know how it goes
    Thanks for this. As you can see from my previous reply, this is turning into a situation more about me than this girl. I feel like I really just wanna nail her now (even knowing now she is clearly a slag) just so I can live with myself.

    And thanks for those tips, I will hopefully used them on this girl or another girl very soon!

  7. #7
    Jaz
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    Default Re: Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel sh1t?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fratstar View Post
    She's just like most girls out there who just want to have fun. She clearly wanted you more than the other guy hence why she tried to get you to show her a good time. Because you failed to go out and dance with her, another guy saw the chance and took it. This is good, because now you know how easy it really is.

    All you had to do was show her a good time. Girls just want to have fun. Don't get oneitis with this girl, but you definitely still stand an equal chance to hook up with her next time. But next time get your ass out on the dance floor and have fun. Trust me, you'll have a more fun dancing and hooking up than you would "talking" on the side.

    If you're a bad dancer, just say something like:

    "I'm a really good dancer so I hope you can keep up" and drag her out there.

    She'll laugh when she realizes you suck, and you can joke about it.

    FS
    Thanks, I will use how bad I feel now as motivation not to be a pussy next time.

  8. #8
    Bradders's Avatar
    Bradders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis makes out with another guy! Should I feel sh1t?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaz View Post
    this is turning into a situation more about me than this girl. !
    thats PUA for you, its rarely about the girl. there are plenty of them! its you that changes adapts and gets better for them, dont treat them like they have to change, if anything ever goes wrong assume its you, and change for the better. thats adaptation my friend
    "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most
    responsive to change." Charles Darwin


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