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  1. #1
    obreorb is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation Need some help with my Gf

    So I've been together with this girl for a couple of months now.
    And now I have noticed that things are bad. Before, when we had been
    together for like two months I could call her and ask: "Do you wanna do
    something tonight" and she would agree on that and we would meet up.
    Now, when I call her and ask this she says that "I don't have
    time right now, but maybe another time" and things like that.

    I have also noticed(after going through some topics on the forum) that
    it's good if she initiates a conversation..she has never done that during
    the time we've been together. I am the one who has called and texted her.
    When I text her and asks if she wants to hook up during the weekend she has
    started to reply "I'm sooooo sorry, but I have a thing this weekend".

    I do meet her, because we go to the same university and when I meet her, she gets really happy and is very talkative and such..so I don't get it..what am I doing wrong?! I could really need some help.

  2. #2
    Jar_Of_Flies is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some help with my Gf

    Well you're at a university, so finding a replacement girlfriend shouldn't be hard if need be. She really could be busy, but I'd be very skeptical of the whole situation in general. Her not wanting to hang out is definitely not a good thing, though you always being the one to initiate communication and spending time together is the prior track record, when they give up lame excuses to not to see you, that is not a good, it could even mean she's cheating. I would start looking for a new girlfriend, but that's just me. You may not be doing anything wrong at all, you just don't have her interest, or no longer excite her, it's not your fault though, don't beat yourself up. You need to decide if she's really worth chasing and investing the work in to "spice" up your relationship, or just finding a new girl and starting from scratch. I'd also be on the look out for her seeing someone else, that's what it sounds like to me.

  3. #3
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    Pierrot is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some help with my Gf

    reading jar of flies i must agree.

    if shes confusing by being available sometimes and at other times not so much, then shes just being honest.

    you want to avoid girls who are always available and the ones that are never available if youre seeking a LTR.

  4. #4
    obreorb is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Post Re: Need some help with my Gf

    Thanks guys, I appreciate your help.
    As much as I don't like it, maybe I should try to find someone else.
    We'll see what I do, but I still appreciate your help, thanks again.

  5. #5
    DamonNZ is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some help with my Gf

    There is another possibility (I actually say probability) here. There are a couple of things that tip me off that she is actually a "rules" girl, because I have known people who are, and they do exactly what you have said here. For a start that she makes you initiate the interaction, and even the way she says "I'm sooooo sorry, but I have a thing this weekend" - it's not a rejection, but more of a "try harder and do better next time" prompt. That line is literally out of The Rules book, being mysterious, and insinuating that other things might be happening, but really saying that she has a busy exciting life (when she probably doesn't have anything on at all). That combined with the fact that she's warm when you're around her means that she probably likes you, but she's trying to make you commit, which is what the rules is about - making guys who might be a bit playerish behave and realize how much they like her and commit.

    I've dated a girl who used them on me, and honestly they frustrated me greatly and gave her all of the power. That said I have a friend who uses them and I understand now that it's just to make sure that they keep their dignity, because it's tough being a woman and thinking "why isn't he calling me, doesn't he like me, blah blah" thoughts, so it helps them to take their minds off it by not getting oneitis. It also keeps the guy chasing, and the girl the prize.

    Now in case you don't know what the rules are - they are from a quite famous book (check Wikipedia), and I'll put a few up and give you the gist. They're like PUA for chicks, except the purpose is to make sure they keep their dignity while dating. Take notice of numbers 2, 5, and 7 - seem horribly familiar?

    1. Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other"
    2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
    3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
    4. Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
    5. Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
    6. Always End Phone Calls First
    7. Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
    11. Always End the Date First
    13. Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
    15. Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
    19. Don’t Open Up Too Fast
    ... you get the point!

    Some of them are intelligent though:

    16. Don't Tell Him What to Do
    17. Let Him Take the Lead
    18. Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
    35. Be Easy to Live With

    Now realistically, the rules aren't too bad. If you want a date with her, bring it up on Wednesday, and then when she checks her rules book she'll see that she can say yes to that. Basically learn the rules and work around them if you just want to screw around with her and have fun.

    Oh and if you really want to be with her, find a way to bring the power back in your hands, because she's holding the cards for now. ie don't let her get everything out of you and have to give little back. I'd honestly just ask her casually "Oh how are the rules working out for you?" after sex one day. That way she'll know that you know, and that you're not affected particularly, but that her secret is out, and that she doesn't have any extra power over you because of it.

    Don't be offended. Have fun with it. You know the rules of her game, and all of the moves she will make, how she will make them, and why. Game over. You win.


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