I'm new here. Is this the right place to ask for help in my situation? I'm in my early 60's but young in looks and spirit. I'm enamored with a good looking former co-worker in her early 50's. I'm confident we'd be great together but before that can happen I first have to steal and seduce her. This isn't just about the pursuit. I'm looking for something stable and long-term and I know she is too.
We worked together for 3 years until she quit 10 weeks ago. We had a great rapport, but she wouldn't date me even though she showed interest, because she was conflicted by her on-again, off-again relationship. She sometimes called him her friend-boy because "He's a friend, and he's a boy, but he's not really my boyfriend." 5 weeks ago we had lunch at her suggestion. At the end, I asked her for a date and she said, "I'm not saying no, but . . ." then proceeded to tell me about how she's still kinda seeing him and she'd like to think it over. When we parted I didn't even try to kiss her. I've been divorced a couple years and haven't dated much so I was awkward and uncertain if I should. Now I'm beating myself up for that.
For the next 3 weeks I called and e-mailed a couple times and got no response. I wrote her a very nice letter in which I told her all the reasons why she should go out with me, and contrasted myself positively with the friend-boy. She e-mailed me expressing what I'm certain is genuine appreciation and said she's flattered, and I've got a lot to offer, and I'm the best friend anyone could ever ask for (AAARRRRGGGHH). But she said that she discussed me with friend-boy and now he wants to try harder to prove his love and she wants to focus on that relationship. I responded with "I understand" (which I don't), and "if anything changes . . ."
Do I have any power? Any options? I figure on e-mailing her occasionally letting her know what I've been up to and making my life sound fun and interesting. It generally is, compared to hers. And I'll also subtly let her know that I'm dating others, which I will be doing. Is that a good strategy? Anything else I can do? Did I mortally wound my chances by not kissing her?
A final question - I know that by my showing interest in other women it may help to get her more interested in me, but how can I keep that principle from working in reverse? You see the irony - it's my interest in her that inspired her friend-boy to try harder. How can I keep that from happening and having it gum up my plans in the future?
Thank you so much.