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  1. #1
    OpenRock is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Smile College interactions - need help

    There is this HB10 in my college to whom I used to walk with from time to time (usually every month, one time we were apart for 3 months). We didn't use to talk much apart from those walks. And every time we walked we would talk for about one hour.
    Lately (in the past 4 weeks) we have been getting closer... talking every week the half to one our time (excepting last week).

    It is very easy to have an interesting conversation with her and I fear I get caught in the friend zone.
    Here is the last conversation we had in full detail:

    "Me acompaining HB from university until a spot midway to our homes.

    Me: The way your ears come out of your hair is funny. You seem like a monkey.

    HB: *laughs* Oh...I'd rather seem like an elf like a friend of mine. She has pointy ears.

    Me: What's the color of her skin?

    HB: Very bright White.

    Me: What kind of mytical criature do you think you are?

    HB: I don't know...An Ogre like in lord of the rings.

    Me: *laugh* No, they have funnel-like ears. What girl would you be?

    HB: They don't have much girls in lord of the rings ...apart from the elf and the queen of the forest.

    Me: Well, I don't know much about lord o the rings

    HB: No? I thought you were like me and liked lord of the rings...

    Me: I saw all 3 movies just don't remember them very well

    HB: I tried to read the book, but I didn´t like much the kind of writing. I guess it was kind of reading intended for guys. I don't know if I saw all of the movies.

    Me: And you were talking about me? You haven't seen all the movies.

    HB: Still, I tried the book and it wasn't for me

    Me: What was the writing like. Was it like Game of thrones?

    HB: No. I liked reading Game of thrones. And the series was cool. But they altered a lot of things from the book. Like the beautiful girl with white hair (she meant Daenerys Targaryen).

    Me: (Fail) The queen?

    HB: No, the one who married he big guy.

    Me: (combo fail) That's the queen. The king is uge.

    HB: No... I read the two first books.

    Me: Me too.

    HB:I read them before the series came out.

    Me:*smiling* Uuuhhh. How hipster of you.

    HB:*laughs*

    Me: My younger brother was reading the fifth when the series came out. He is really into that kind of stuff.

    HB: I like reading a lot. Know that I have a lot of work, it's difficult to find the time...But when I have the time I like borrowing books from BLCS (a library, had to restrain myself not to interrupt her since my father works there). I even tried reading "War and Peace". "Tried"... it wasn't my style.

    Me:*laughs*I had a phase in my life in which I was more into fantasy. Know I'm more into boring stuff.

    HB: What kind of stuff?

    Me: Philosophy.

    HB: Like what?

    Me: Like Fedon, about the talk Platon had with his disciples before death (fortunately she knew nothing about it...it was actually socrates who died, Platon only wrote it).

    HB: Oh, stuff you like but you think other people will find boring. I remember some stuff from philosophy. I liked that argument I was taught about reason vs senses and feelings.

    Me: Are you a reasoner?

    HB: I think both are important.

    Me: There is a known neurologist who believes them to be equaly important. Senses and feelings are important for gathering information. If you feel something is wrong, you migth have already noticed it and just didn’t rationalized it yet.

    HB: Sometimes i feel something is wrong and don't know why. It is probably it.

    Me: Like a 6th sense.

    HB: Guys and girls are different in the way they react to that feeling: Girls usually are more cautious about it...

    Me: And guys just say: "I don't care. I'm doing it anyway!"

    HB: *somehow metions she had already went to a psychologist*

    Me: *smilling* You went to a psychologist?

    HB: Not a psychiatrist...

    Me: Those are for the crazy people

    HB: They would try to put me on drugs...I don't like that

    Me: Yep. Psychologists are the ones to go to.

    HB: It was actually a psychotherapist.*pau ses to start saying something*

    Me: What...*she starts saying it and stops immediately because I talked* Sorry continue.

    HB: No, say what you were gonna say.

    Me: What's the difference between a psychiatrist and psychologist?

    HB: *Says something I don't remember*

    ----------From now on we are at the place where we should part away (I don't remember very well the chronology of what it was said) ----------

    Me: But why did you go? What's wrong?

    HB: Well...I didn't want to go. My mom did. Because I am a sad.

    Me: Why? What's wrong? How can I help.

    HB: It as nothing to do with anyone...I'm just usually not happy.*Sees I am starting to worry* But sometimes I'm happy.

    Me: Yep. Happiness is just a feeling. Not an objective in life like some people put it. I think I can help. There are 3 fields that need to be fulfilled in order to be happy: first, intellectual which I presume you have fulfilled since you have very good grades...*she interrupts me*

    HB: Well, not exactly. People presume that, just because a person has good grades, she is intelligent and is a cult person. I don't consider myself to be cult.

    Me: *smiling* Never did I presume you were cult *she laughs*. If you have good grades that only tells me two things: You are intelligent and you are hard working. Do you feel unhappy because this is not the course (In my country, when you go to college you apply for a course. If you enter, it will last 3 years and have different subjects that you can pass for semester) you wanted? Do you still want to change to communication? (at least she wanted last year).

    HB: I am just unhappy.

    Me: I used to be depressed... Are you like "Josh"(fictitiou s name of a guy I know who is always on the down side)?

    HB: No, not like him. He is always complaining about his life to people he just met...

    Me: And always expecting the worst from people. Remember when I got wasted? He actually though no one was there for me.

    HB: Sometimes I would be talking to him and he would be complaining about how nobody cared about him. I mean... I was there for him plus he had all of his friends.

    Me: Yep...

    *me and her talked about the fact that he started to have seizures recently, I guess it doesn't matter right now*

    Me: Are you just like me and have that deep dark feeling inside that overpowers you when you are weaker…

    HB: I think every person has that. I don't think it is that.

    Me: Ok so...you are not intellectually satisfied...There are two other fields: your physical needs, like eating, drinking, bathroom needs and s*x.

    HB: *says something*

    Me: Yep, s*x is a tricky one because it is also part of other field: social needs...Have you ever felt generally happy?

    HB: I guess… when I was a child...(found this weird since she had a boyfriend just 4 months ago)

    Me: Like when you use to hide in your uncle's bus?

    HB: yes. I´m always happy when I am at my grandma’s house in the countryside

    HB: I don't want you to go home and start thinking you are going to cure me.

    Me: Why would I think that?

    *talk I don’t remember*

    HB: I don't want you to think you are going to cure me.
    Me: The natural thing is for you to feel good.

    HB: Oh...why did I talk about the psychologist?
    HB: You want to ask me something I can see it.

    Me: *don't remember*

    *we talked about something I don't recall*

    HB: I have to go know, we have a test tomorrow *gives me 2 goodbye kisses and says* Look, a dog.

    Me: *I look at the dog in a funny way, look back at her and say* Goodbye *She smiles and we part away*"

    She also said somewhere near the end how she woories to much about what other people think and how she doesn't like people who just ignore her or talk with her having an agenda.


    I did almost no kino at all, and I don't feel I flirted enough.
    I would like you guys to tell me if have a shot, based on the conversation I showed you. And where can I improve.
    Plus, could I use her unhappiness to my advantage while making her happier at the same time?

    I would be very thankful if you could help me

  2. #2
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: College interactions

    Few notes:

    Platon? You mean Plato? (I'm sorry if this a difference in names translated through different languages across countries, just wondering)

    Is English your first language? (Whether or not to look into the specific words you use, or just the general idea. Like were you speaking English?)

    Anyway, realize that the majority of what we do here in PUA is appeal to women's emotional side, not logical. Generally speaking, people are emotional creatures, not logical ones. But there ARE exceptions (Socrates.) The fact that this girl was even capable of openly admitting that she is an emotional being proves her more logical than most. Accordingly you will want to alter your approach to the situation (slightly.)

    Sidenote - HB10 tried to read Tolkien?!? Get her on lock-down.

    Brought up sex - good job.

    2 goodbye kisses? Unless you're French, good work and I doubt you're stuck in the friendzone.

    As you already noted, try to impliment more Kino. It's important.

    Before I go any further I'm going to need to know whether or not you want a LTR with this girl. Is this just a hit it and quit it or do you want her to stick around?
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  3. #3
    OpenRock is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: College interactions

    Thanks for the reply

    English is not my first language and I wasn't speaking English.

    About the goodbye kisses... She always does that to me when she says goodbye and we are alone (even the first time we walked, back when she had a boyfriend).

    I want a LTR with this girl, mainly because she is logical.

    Note 1: I ignore her a little bit when we are at the college and we don't talk much, specially when she is with her group of friends since her attention quickly shifts to another person as does mine (I think I was the one who started doing this first. My bad I guess). The almost only interaction we have is when I look at her and she looks back at me and smiles and makes a funny face, I smile back and she looks away.

    One of my fears now is that she thinks I'm not into her, since we use to have this kind of conversation before and then we wouldn't talk for about a month.

    Ps- she is used to being chased (mainly by texting since she doens't go out much) and having guys complementing her even though she acts as having low self esteem ( She might just like to be complemented and acts like that so people say that she isn't ugly).

  4. #4
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    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: College interactions

    Alrighty,

    Well first thing to consider is if she was willing to kiss you while with another guy, could the same thing happen to you? That's something to be concerned about.

    I always tell girls if I'm not paying enough attention to them they aren't captivating enough.

    The main thing to take from your specific interaction is as follows. Do not solve her problems. I'm going to repeat that again because it's that important. Do not solve her problems. I'm not saying that was your plan, but as you probably well know most AFC's like to play psychiatrist thinking if you fix her she'll fall in love with you. No. Hell no. You'll get friendzoned fast. Let her fix her own problems. If you fix them for her you rob her of the chance to grow into a stronger woman.

    Other than that it just sounds like you need to openly display your interest in her. Go Kino. Eye contact. Look at her lips. Trianglular gaze. etc. If you don't know that stuff there's plenty of it out on the net or just here on the site. Good guys here to help you out with everything you need.
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  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: College interactions

    Yes you have a shot with her and yes you can use her unhappiness to your advantage as long as it's not by talking but with your body. She can't possibly accuse you of having an agenda because you have known her too long. Make a move, hold her hand next walk as a start. Do it at the beginning of the walk like it's nothing unusual, like her kissing you goodbye is nothing unusual. You don't have to rely on college, do something fun outside of college with her. She trusts you so she shouldn't say no. Don't ask her out to a candlelit dinner or anything but show her a good time. She may even be waiting for you to make a move so learn about how to read her body language. I agree with Mr1000 on not helping her problems. If she talks about that stuff, you just listen and don't say anything else, that's all you need to do and mostly what therapists do anyway

  6. #6
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: College interactions

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    That's all you need to do and mostly what therapists do anyway
    So true lol. My psychiatrist is originally from India. He listens to me for about five minutes than gives me drugs. That's it lol. (I know he's a psychiatrist, not a therapist, but still. Same vibe.)
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  7. #7
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: College interactions

    Word of advice: this will sound harsh, but you need it.

    This is already coming for the far reaches of the friendzone.

    You just quoted word by word a half-hour long conversation, that's ridiculous. You are too close, too close, and not the good kind of closeness. You guys only talk, when she wants to, and only about her and her problems. See how she started bringing her problems to the conversations? Who would do that with someone they wanted to date? On a date with a girl you like, would you start telling her that you feel depressed and stuff? It feels like you are already her psychiatrist.

    Also, let's be clear on the "goodbye kisses", are we talking "on the cheeks"? Because again, depending on the country it's just a sign of friendship. Where I come from, I do four goodbye kisses to people from my family, and even to some of my bros (and girls see it as manly haha). In that case, as the other guys said, try to add some Kino to it, like putting a hand on her waist while you do the kisses, in a totally "this is NBD way", works well.

    And as Mr.1000 said, don't solve her problems, that's not your job. That's a best friend job, a psychiatrist job, but not a boyfriend job. If she continue talking about it to you, seriously ask for 60 effing bucks Maybe even more, because a normal psychiatrist can sit down and relax, while she makes you walk

    More seriously, last advice: get a life! (I warned you I would be harsh) It sounds like these walks and conversations are too important for you, and she feels it. You're like an addict and she is feeding you just the minimum you need to keep you addicted. She must feel that you have your individual and interesting life, and that she is just a part of it. Talk about people she doesn't know. Leave at the middle of your walk back home because you have somewhere you need to go to. It will also prepare you for when she gets bored of it, or moves away, or finds a boyfriend, or whatever.

    You won't like the harshness (ouhlala), but people don't realize they are in the friendzone until you kick their ass out of it. Don't make me do it

  8. #8
    OpenRock is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: College interactions

    Ahah... thanks Mikalichov x)

    Indeed I had an AFC mind set when I wrote this post.
    I figured out my mistake soon enough and have being solcializing and playing a lot more.
    Even got the number of one of the girls who was supervising a test, while I was taking that test xD

    About that HB10, the only time I talked with her this week was yesterday. I asked her on a date and shortly after went on my way to meet some friends of mine (I didn't took her home).

    Now, I have a date with her Monday. Since I asked her however I have been starting to get an AFC mind set again. But you just saved me.

    Thanks!


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