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Thread: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

  1. #11
    DandyLion's Avatar
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Dandylion - no offence intended here but you are not only stuck in oneitis land but also stuck in sentimentalityland. You need to find new land and stop swimming in circles around your own life-raft of memories. What will satisfy you is allowing time to heal your love scars, allowing her to move on with her life and allowing other female opportunities into your life. Snap out of it now.

    After any long term relationship it is hard getting over someone, even if you were the one who broke up. If a relationship breaks up it is usually for a fairly solid reason and only very rarely does it ever get back together and work successfully. Rarely does it actually end in long term satisfaction. Your relationship will never be the same - not to you and not to her especially if you sexted her friends and keep writing endless apologies and pouring out letters of your heart. Its gone. The movie has ended and there is no sequel. There is a fear often that 'wow she was good and the more apart from her the more i realise this and I might not ever find someone else like her again!'. You will find someone better. What you are experiencing is youthful sentimentality for your love, probably a bit of lust too, likely some jealously towards her new boyfriend and also the feeling of enfactuation that comes from wanting something you can't have. If you want something too badly, you won't get it. And most of the time in life, you never even needed it in the first place.

    You are looking for a recommendation of what to do and it has been said already 'work on your inner game'. Move on with your life, shut her out of it and find new ground. It will take time, it may even be a lonely quest for a while. Eventually you will stop missing her. You will likely date some girls that don't satisy you and you will be pining for the good times in your past. But you will get better and will start to meet new girls. You will start to meet different girls. You will eventually sooner or later meet even better girls. Then one day... into the future...you will be more than satisfied...and perhaps even your ex will contact you out of the blue and the situation you will be in might be 'sorry, I'm with someone else and it is the best relationship ever' because it truly will be. And you won't care that she has called you up. You won't want to get back with her. The relationship you had with this ex in the fullness of time will be seen as just a 'girlfriend of your youth'. Snap out of your dilema, let your ex get on with her life if you truly respect her and enjoy your freedom of being young and single. Time.
    And what about the lust? Do you think that that too will go away with time?
    Regards,

    DandyLion
    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

  2. #12
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Quote Originally Posted by DandyLion View Post
    Hey,

    What do you honestly recommend I do?

    I think i'm just addicted to talking to her..if you know what I mean or know the feeling.


    I texted her a few days ago

    saying

    me: tell me your summer has been farking awesome...saw a famous girl that looked like you the other day

    her: of course...and no i doubt that.

    me: went surfing the other day..reminded me of you.



    I'm really serious about getting her back as you can see from this post and the foreword.


    I honestly don't think i can be satisfied until i have her.
    OHHH yes. Trust me... I know the feeling!

    There are a couple girls that I got "hooked on" & had to force myself to remain calm & cool because I was foaming at the mouth, just waiting for her next reply. (Not "exes" though... but HOTTT girls I went out with a couple times & totally felt the one-itis!!)

    So, you're definitely not alone.

    What helped me was, getting several other girls to keep as "text buddies". And if we went out & it became more, then that's cool. But if not, that was cool too.

    It helped keep me "entertained" & took my mind off of the couple girls I was on the verge of becoming "needy" over.

    PLUS- it drastically improved my text game!

    And, if one girls was slow to respond it was no big deal, because 4 or 5 others were blowing my phone up!


    The best way to work the "ex angle" (If you're coming back from "No Contact") is to keep the interaction at a minimum to start with.
    Always keep the convos polite & respectful, but try to inject some fun & humor into them. But only give her a little bit & then cut out.

    The next day (or a couple days later) do the same thing. A few quick fun texts & then cut out.

    Pretty soon she'll be initiating the contact & start to show more interest. (MOST OF THE TIME that is... and it does depend on the girl AND the situation with your history & stuff).

    But don't try to rush it & don't make her feel all weirded out by pushing too hard too soon.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #13
    DandyLion's Avatar
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Really agree with whitedragons advice.

    All throughout these years people haven't told me anything as useful and reasonable as what advice you have given me.

    Thank you.


    Thank you as well tmalonetn!
    Regards,

    DandyLion
    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

  4. #14
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Love is nothing to be ashamed about.We were programmed to have these feelings for women so we could pair-bond and reproduce. If we weren't then we wouldn't have survived this long. Men would just get women pregnant and leave if we didn't get stuck in oneitis--greatly reducing the child's chances at survival in a harsh environment with predators and all sorts of other dangers. Also, if the man didn't have oneitis, he would just leave and other men would just kill the child and fark the girl. Things have changed but we haven't evolved much since those days. There have been studies done that have shown that break-up's and drug withdrawal effect the brain nearly identically. That's why you can't tell anyone to just get over thier oneitis. Try telling someone that is addicted to something to just "let it go". No one listens until they actually want to change for themselve's. You do have the power within your brain to get over her though--but you will always be an addict.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  5. #15
    DandyLion's Avatar
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Thanks to everyone for the great insight!
    Regards,

    DandyLion
    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

  6. #16
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Quote Originally Posted by DandyLion View Post
    And what about the lust? Do you think that that too will go away with time?
    No problem on the advice, I went through all this in my early 20's. Took me ages to get over it. The lust will fade. I don't know if you ever forget some sexual encounters with ex's but they are good memories to have

  7. #17
    DandyLion's Avatar
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    No problem on the advice, I went through all this in my early 20's. Took me ages to get over it. The lust will fade. I don't know if you ever forget some sexual encounters with ex's but they are good memories to have
    And final question: if she does come back eventually, and all the power's in my hands, you still recommend to let it go?
    Regards,

    DandyLion
    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

  8. #18
    FLo KT is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    My girl(at the time) and I were together for about 19 months (not including the first time we met which was 2years before that, and the first time we hung out with was 6months before we actually got together). Anyway, a week after we got together I left for 10months, but after 9 months we broke up, which was the hardest following month for me.
    I came home for two weeks, we got back together (unexpectedly) and it felt like we were going to get married (yeah, it was a strong connection). Anyway, I had to leave again and we were separated for another few months. Safe to say, that most of our relationship was spent apart.

    Two months after being home (this is during the 17-19th months), we break up because (excuse: we kept hurting eachother; reason: we felt like we were wasting eachother's time). So we try to be friends, but it doesn't really work out. About 6 weeks later, she hits me up for a one-nighter.
    After that, I got really attached but she told me it was just a "going-out-with-a-bang" kinda thing. One month after that, we go out to the club together and I see her dancing with one guy (which was the only guy she danced with for the entire night; i assumed they had something going on), so I danced with her bestfriend (she was on me; i wasn't on her [lol]) and went around the club dancing with other females - actually got a number-close with an HB9. Later that night, she got really jealous after seeing me in the club dancing and actually asked her friend if she wanted to sex me - of course she said no. Anyway, I ended up taking both my ex and her friend home (this is the good part). I dropped my ex off at home FIRST - she stormed out the car and down to her house (not my fault she needed to get home in 10minutes). She thought I was gonna lay her friend (which I could have, but I have a heart).

    A few days later we go to the club together, where she meets up with her friends, including the guy she danced with at the club nights before. I do my own thing on the dancefloor and game a few females there as well, paying very little attention to the ex. I stumbled on her "guy" in the bathroom - he even introduced himself to me, shaking my hand AFTER he washed his hands but after I zipped my pants up ). She later told me that he's scared of me and thought it was awkward that we came to the club together. I take her home later that night trying to get a k-close with her, but she says that she promised the guy that she wouldn't do anything with me.... yeah I got irritated and immediately took her home, but she knew I was mad and I finally let her kiss me after I walked her to her doorstep (I always did that - it's polite), even after I dodged her previous kisses.
    Anyway, she nagged me about the previous night and she still does today. I continue to pay her very little attention, and neg her when I do. She's seeing the same guy that she danced with in the club, which doesn't bother me because I'm keeping myself busy, reading up on the material here on the forum, reading books for leisure, working out, and hanging out and gaming on the weekends. I set a few goals for myself (which is very important if anyone ever wants to improve themselves).

    The advice from everyone in this thread is great. Calibrate it to your situation and your personality and you will do great things.

    But this is just my success story - and it's only getting to the good parts.
    An optimist says the glass is half full...
    A pessimist says the glass is half empty...
    An engineer says that the container is twice the size it needs to be.

  9. #19
    DandyLion's Avatar
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Quote Originally Posted by FLo KT View Post
    My girl(at the time) and I were together for about 19 months (not including the first time we met which was 2years before that, and the first time we hung out with was 6months before we actually got together). Anyway, a week after we got together I left for 10months, but after 9 months we broke up, which was the hardest following month for me.
    I came home for two weeks, we got back together (unexpectedly) and it felt like we were going to get married (yeah, it was a strong connection). Anyway, I had to leave again and we were separated for another few months. Safe to say, that most of our relationship was spent apart.

    Two months after being home (this is during the 17-19th months), we break up because (excuse: we kept hurting eachother; reason: we felt like we were wasting eachother's time). So we try to be friends, but it doesn't really work out. About 6 weeks later, she hits me up for a one-nighter.
    After that, I got really attached but she told me it was just a "going-out-with-a-bang" kinda thing. One month after that, we go out to the club together and I see her dancing with one guy (which was the only guy she danced with for the entire night; i assumed they had something going on), so I danced with her bestfriend (she was on me; i wasn't on her [lol]) and went around the club dancing with other females - actually got a number-close with an HB9. Later that night, she got really jealous after seeing me in the club dancing and actually asked her friend if she wanted to sex me - of course she said no. Anyway, I ended up taking both my ex and her friend home (this is the good part). I dropped my ex off at home FIRST - she stormed out the car and down to her house (not my fault she needed to get home in 10minutes). She thought I was gonna lay her friend (which I could have, but I have a heart).

    A few days later we go to the club together, where she meets up with her friends, including the guy she danced with at the club nights before. I do my own thing on the dancefloor and game a few females there as well, paying very little attention to the ex. I stumbled on her "guy" in the bathroom - he even introduced himself to me, shaking my hand AFTER he washed his hands but after I zipped my pants up ). She later told me that he's scared of me and thought it was awkward that we came to the club together. I take her home later that night trying to get a k-close with her, but she says that she promised the guy that she wouldn't do anything with me.... yeah I got irritated and immediately took her home, but she knew I was mad and I finally let her kiss me after I walked her to her doorstep (I always did that - it's polite), even after I dodged her previous kisses.
    Anyway, she nagged me about the previous night and she still does today. I continue to pay her very little attention, and neg her when I do. She's seeing the same guy that she danced with in the club, which doesn't bother me because I'm keeping myself busy, reading up on the material here on the forum, reading books for leisure, working out, and hanging out and gaming on the weekends. I set a few goals for myself (which is very important if anyone ever wants to improve themselves).

    The advice from everyone in this thread is great. Calibrate it to your situation and your personality and you will do great things.

    But this is just my success story - and it's only getting to the good parts.
    That's an awesome story man, but i think whitedragon's advice can be tailored to fit all of our situations.

    If you love someone, set them free. If they love you, they'll come back one day.
    Regards,

    DandyLion
    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

  10. #20
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: No contact with ex girlfriend success stories

    Quote Originally Posted by DandyLion View Post
    And final question: if she does come back eventually, and all the power's in my hands, you still recommend to let it go?
    It's really up to you and whether it's what you both want and will work out


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