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Thread: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

  1. #1
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    This girl has been driving me crazy for a year now....please help

    A little background about myself: 21 year old pre-med college student, athletic thin muscular build, decent looking, not alot of money right now, unfortunately live in a one story house with my Mother for now with very little privacy, still a virgin although I have picked up a decent amount of girls and done everything else. Have been flirted on and offered sex before. Just didn't feel the connection with those girls. I have loneliness issues, childhood issues, and abandonment issues due to being an only child with a divorced Mother.

    A little background about her: High maintenance, VERY attractive, insecurity issues, childhood issues, loneliness issues, and daddy issues. She was adopted and just lives with her two parents. Her dad is an abusive alcoholic who used to hit her. She loves sex. She's a nympho that has tons of toys and loves to mess around with girls as well.

    A little background about the situation: Started being strongly attracted to her last summer and liking her. She unfortunately got a boyfriend right after that who ironically had no money, lived alone with his mother, and was a college student (see above). The difference between me and this guy though is that he was a scumbag who smoked weed every day and treated her like shit (maybe that's why she liked him). She would still come over and be all over me in my bed but would never kiss or anything due to respecting the relationship. Long story short they broke up around last winter; her and I started hooking up and liking each other (little did I know she was doing the same thing with another guy) then she leaves with some guy who has a shitload of money a year older than me because she can't stand living at home with an alcoholic Father. Talked to her throughout the 6 months she was gone and now she is back. She states she felt nothing for the guy but just loves money like any girl. Now that she is back we are in the same situation as before except she states that she doesn't like me and likes the other guy (she probably felt the same way before just never got the chance to tell me since she moved away with the rich guy out of nowhere). He offered her to move to CA in Sept with him and she doesn't know if she is going to or not yet. I know she likes me but wants her cake and a strawberry on top too. I know this because she calls me every day to hangout, (sometimes ditches at night to hangout with the other dude though :/ ), wants me all over her, we still hook up, she wants to cuddle all the time, and she wants me to hug her all the time; I get the feeling I am very comforting for her to have around, someone stable unlike the others in her life. Also the other guy found texts between the two of us saying that we were slowly getting to know each other better and like each other and made her promise not to talk to me anymore..... but she still secretly does

    Breakdown: She is the sexiest girl I know and I love her flirty personality as well. I feel so comfortable with her when I am with her. I care deeply about her and want her body like a madman. We barely know anything about each other because we hide it from each other and the fucked up things we do know about each other we find out from mutual friends. I get along with her family great and she has stated several times she finds that extremely attractive. Her Father is a racist and the other guy she is seeing is not the same race as her. Even if she does move with him in Sept I do not think it will last.

    I wish I could tell her everything about how I feel about her, when I do she gets scared I want more then a friendship, which I understand, you just can't tell someone everything at once. Yet when we hangout she is always flirty, she invites me over to family dinners, calls me everyday, gets jealous when I'm with other girls; shit doesn't make any sense. At the very least I could probably share my past with her and get to know her better as well but every time we hangout all she wants to do is drink and have fun with me. She never really wants to just chill and talk and every time I do think we have a chance I get the feeling she has other plans with the other guy and I get pissed and want her to myself for the night.

    Overall I have made progress with her since before we weren't even talking due to the guy not wanting us to and I was barely around her parents before as well. Maybe she wants to hangout with me so often is because she isn't supposed to. She makes sure she looks 100% before seeing me often taking an hour or two to get ready.

    I want to convince her to stay but I don't have as much to offer as the other guys besides my compassion, stability, and caring. I know I am the better long-term choice but she might just not be looking for long term right now. I don't know. She did date that other guy for one year and thought he was the one and he is very similar to me lifestyle wise. I know things will not work out with either guy and I will probably have another chance in the future but I am sick of not being with her. My only ideas to win her over are to: start acting like a jerk and badass, ignore her calls and texts and make it seem like I am unavailable so she wants me more (this would drive her crazy since I am the only stable and comforting thing in her life right now), or just talk to her and share with her my past, get to know hers, and let her know that I am the better choice and she should think about things deeply before making a decision to move anywhere (this might scare her away though)

    Sorry about the long post guys, this is just making me crazy even though I shouldn't let it be. I know the smart thing would be to just move on but it's been a year and I haven't been able to remove my feelings from this girl so it must mean something. I am in my last year of school and will have money in a year and a better life but I want her now. I am impatient. I deserve her more than any other guy and it sucks not to have her. I will do anything to have her so any methods or tips just to start the relationship would be appreciated. I know this should come naturally between us but maybe we just need a push to get to know each other better and bond. I'm afraid I am getting pushed into the friend zone if not already there. I did her a favor today and she made me take money for it..... One more important detail is that she lives one block away from me and the other guy lives an hour from her. Thanks for the time reading this.

  2. #2
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    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  3. #3
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    Interesting. I will try this. She doesn't really have any girlfriends so I would have to introduce one of the other girls I know or just pretend I met someone amazing. I know for a fact this would get to her because she shows jealousy very obviously. When we are out on our dates whether they be friend dates or more (who knows in her mind) if somebody texts me I immediately get a "who is that?" "Is that one of the zillion girls you talk to?!" "Is that so and so girl?!" "Why are you so popular?! I always have to text people to get plans!"

    I'll just have to stop being available so often so that she gets the point I am the cake, not the strawberry on top and that I have better things and better girls to hang out then her. Easier said then done though when you like a girl and you are bored on a weekday when she lives a block away....

  4. #4
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    Hey Bud,

    I wish you the best of luck. Theres a lot of work that needs to be done in order to make this work. I would unfortunately say that you are definitely in the friends zone. And that your in love with her. Being in the friend zone doesn't mean you can't become lovers, but it s going to be a little harder. I suggest reading a lot of stuff on how to get out of the friend zone.

    It was a long post and its kind of hard answering your Q's as you didn't really structure them as Q's.

    I get your story, Ive been in a similar situation. Lets look at the facts:

    1- She knows 100% that you like/love her- That being said you cannot, I repeat CANNOT tell her how you feel about her. That will just push her away and make it uncomfortable for her. She already knows you love her, but voicing it will change things for the worst. Its better left unsaid. Its not like a Hollywood movie where she;ll instantly reciprocate those feelings.

    2- If she wanted you, she could have you- .....You have to understand this to better apply your game with her. Ask yourself this; If she felt about you, the way you feel about her, you would both be in a relationship. You can argue that "she hooks up with me, even though she has a boyfriend" blah blah..... it doesn't matter. Women are emotional, they want to feel good and depending on what kind of girl they are, they will hook up with other guys if they're fighting with their boyfriends or are feeling low and want to feel better about themselves etc..... don't let this fool you.

    3- You let her cry on your shoulder and are always there for her. - Don't do this so much. That screams friends zone.

    4- You said her exes are a "weed smoker who doesn't give a fuck, and some other bad boy sounding guy. Do you see the trend of attraction? .... ..YOu just have to turn these bad boy switches on in you to attract her, but you don't necessarily have to be the baddest boy on earth. Just a little.


    That being said: I think you should freeze her out a little. Start seeing other girls and see what you feel. IF she starts responding with hooking up with you and escalating sexually, then reward her with time spent with you. If she doesn't then, just make your interactions shorter until she starts coming around.


    Also bro, you've known this girl for over a year. You haven't had sex yet? Why? How far do the hookups go?? Do you know how to handle LMR? If you give more specific info you will get more specific and direct responses. Please take my advice, but with a grain of salt. As I don't know your whole situation. For all I know she's playing games, Loves you, and makes you jealous with other guys cause you haven't farked her yet and she thinks your not attracted to her??? ....Who knows , girls are weird. The only thing I do know is that if you have OPTIONS with different girls you won't be NEEDY or fear that if you don't GET this ONE GIRL you'll go crazy. And what do you know, you STOP CARING and girls just flock to you. Its weird. I guess when it rains it pours. CHeers

    Inter1010

  5. #5
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    Also forgot to add,

    YOu can get this girl. Just read up on that friend zone stuff and calibrate with her. You've build up a tremendous amount of comfort with her. NOw you just have to flip some attraction switches again and build sexual Tension and your in. Most importantly try Freezing Her Out and making her a little jealous...

    Cheers

    inter1010

  6. #6
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    Inter1010; believe me, I want to have sex with her it just hasn't happened. I do not know what LMR is, please share. I have been attracted to her and liked her for a year but out of that year she has only been around and single for probably two months. I did try to go further this summer twice with her both times she stopped me. One was because it was daytime and we were in her pool and she was afraid her neighbors would see and the other was because her parents were waking up and getting ready for work. I do think I could have sex with her if I played the day correctly but the other guy is constantly getting in my way with phone calls and text messages checking up on her, she feels we are in a freind zone right now (although it is slowly becoming a friends with benefits zone) and in order to have sex with her I need to hangout with her. So we need to figure out if I should freeze her out for a bit or hangout with her and go for sex to seal the deal. (she's pretty flirty and horny almost all the time I just need the right situation, living in a one story house with my Mom makes it hard, thank God only 1 more year of school). You are definitely right though, she knows she could have me at any time and that needs to change. I'm bad with girls but smart enough to know if you think you can have someone at anytime it's a turn off.

    My plan as of now is to respond to her texts with one liners such as "busy" "can't hang out today have other plans" this will get her curiosity up. She texts me every day and almost every day I am available so the sudden change will throw her off. Then she will ask what I am busy with and I will tell her I am going downtown and dressing up for dinner with the girl she is jealous of. She loves to dress up and go out to dinner, this will make her even more jealous and wonder why I never ask her to. Then after Freezing Her Out a bit more I ask if she wants to dress up and go out to eat, and try to have sex with her in the same night.

    I was originally planning to take her out to dinner and tell her the pros of staying here with me compared to moving to CA but you said this might freak her out, then again I feel like if I don't tell her upfront she may move and I"ll regret it. I guess the best time would be after sex anyways and if we had sex then I know something is there....so sounds like sex is the answer.

    Also, like an idiot. I told one of my best friends everything I feel about her. He blabs constantly to her but in the past this has played to my benefit since he was telling her I was hanging out with other girls and partying downtown and she got jealous. He feels for me and usually makes me sound good to her so I don't know if he will share to her what I told him or not but if he does it may play to my advantage....or scare her off.

    Let me know what you think of all this. Really appreciate your time. As you know this situation sucks when you really care about a girl and are the nice guy but play the game wrong. Seems like if you are going to be the nice guy you have to do it AFTER you get the girl.

  7. #7
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    More details about the sexual Tension between us: She knew I was a virgin 6 months ago. She is constantly asking if I still am one even going so far as to ask my friends. In the past she was strongly attracted to virgins. I do not know anymore if she is but do know she implies I still am one. This is a double sided question. I don't know if she wants me to still be one or not so I just always answer with a mysterious answer like "you'll find out soon

    In the beginning of the summer we were hooking up every day like boyfriend and girlfriend and were all over each other. This stopped when the other guy she is seeing found text messages between the two of us stating that we would hangout more and see where things go. She told me we couldn't hang out anymore after the guy went psycho and made her promise not to talk to me anymore. She then texted me two days later saying she couldn't stand not seeing me. Ever since then the sexual tension has been down. At first due to her stating "friends don't kiss" after Freezing Her Out accidentally it seems she is attracted again and wants me to make a move. She always wears her 500 dollar jeans for me. Takes hours to get ready, and is very flirty. Definitely going in for at least the kiss next time we hangout and going to make sure next time we hangout is at a bar or social then transition into private.

  8. #8
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    And what do you mean by calibrate with her? I was planning on opening up to her about my fucked up past and hearing about her fucked up past to make us bond emotionally then once she is emotional use a psychology trick and let her know everything is going to be ok, that I am here for her and then slowly make the moves on her.

  9. #9
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    Hey Bud,

    Hmm where to start... LMR is Last Minute Resistance. Its basically a thing every girl has preprogrammed in their brain to Resist them from SEX. Almost every girl does i to not feel like they are slutty. If you have been hooking up with the her that is a GOOD sign! you MUST read older threads on how to defeat LMR. There are a bunch of them just do a search..... Also, If the other guy she is seeing is always calling her and txting her to make sure she is not with you, that is a GOOD SIGN. He feels threatened by you, and the stuff he's doing will only push her closer to you, even though you feel like she's backed off a bit. You MUST never bad talk her boyfriend or get mad at him. You should also do some searches on the Boyfriend Destroyer technique. It will blow your mind. I've done it before I even knew what "The Game" was with girls and they would always want my attention. So read up on that.


    Quote:
    "My plan as of now is to respond to her texts with one liners such as "busy" "can't hang out today have other plans" this will get her curiosity up. She texts me every day and almost every day I am available so the sudden change will throw her off. Then she will ask what I am busy with and I will tell her I am going downtown and dressing up for dinner with the girl she is jealous of. She loves to dress up and go out to dinner, this will make her even more jealous and wonder why I never ask her to. Then after Freezing Her Out a bit more I ask if she wants to dress up and go out to eat, and try to have sex with her in the same night."

    I think your on the right track. FREEZE her out a bit. Throw a little jealousy in their and then gauge where things are. If there is any chance she can hear that your going out on this date through a third person would be ideal! If not, don't worry its ok. Also, be very careful not to sound like your going on this date to SPITE her! Be as friendly and nonchalantly as possible when you txt her your plans on going out to a nice dinner with this other girl! Throw some jokes in their and make it like sound like your used to doing stuff like this...... Take it one step at a time. If you get the girl you love out to a nice dinner after, have FUN and take it from there. Don't make SEX the GOAl, because you'll be thinking of OUTCOME the whole time and base your success on whether or not you bang her.... Just concentrate on being in the moment and having fun building sexual tension and calibrating her feelings towards you(Ill explain this in a bit).


    * Its obvious she knows she can have you whenever she wants. So you should probably be upping the sexual tension between you guys. You have to make her think she can't have you when she wants. After doing the whole Freeze Out/jealousy thing and you guys hang out, build up the tension. You should use some push/pull techniques. ex: grabbing her hand, then after hiding it for 20 seconds, or whatever, throw it away(softly). You be the ONE who ends the KISS first. Rest your arm on her thigh, and after a little bit take it away and have something else capture your attention.(like a conversation with a friend, or getting up and going to play a song on the jukebox/whatever).....

    *Calibrating: is basically being on the same level of understanding each other and reacting accordingly. Many mistakes guys make is not calibrating accordingly, and GOING for the KISS when she's not ready. OR pushing for SEX when they haven't build up enough tension. Or trying to hold her hand, when she is not FEELING it. so basically, its just an understanding on how you both feel about each other and escalating things further based on how your interactions/ date have gone so far.

    Dude, you'll be fine. One step at a time. Cheers

    Inter1010

  10. #10
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to make this girl my girlfriend. Long post

    You are a genius. I have read The game by Neil Strauss and have the mystery method just have not read it yet. I have never implemented the techniques therefore I am still a newbie and I am very appreciate for your help although it may be in vein if her mind is secretly made up about moving in Sept. Practice makes perfect and I need to practice routines and techniques because honestly girls at my age (young 20's) are just looking for a good time not Mr. serious or Mr. let's talk about feelings like I was about to do. I have about two weeks- one month to play the game with her; and if she is going to move I at least want to make an impact on her mind so she is thinking about me when she is gone and when things don't work out with that guy and if I'm still available when she moves back we can pick up where we left off. Or I at least want to have sex with her because she is the only girl I feel something with and she is extremely hot as well.

    This girl is the ideal girl to use this sh1t on too because (not to be an asshole) she has daddy issues and family issues being adopted and all therefore she falls very easily for games. She needs a guy in her life CONSTANTLY to fill the gaps in her life hence calling me all the time and texting me. (today is the first time she did not text me in a week, not text back but text me in the morning to initialize hanging out or talking)

    It's funny you mention never talk bad about him because I talked bad about him once when he went through her texts and found the stuff between her and I and the next day "hey we should not hang out anymore"

    Everything you said makes sense and I want to implement it... it's just I don't have alot of time to do so. If I do not act quickly she'll either make up her mind about moving in Sept or move in Sept. Therefore Freezing Her Out is going to be difficult. I also need to figure out how to get her to myself on nights. Right now I am available in the day and she is hanging out with the other guy on nights putting me 2nd. Nights are when everything happens and when all these techniques can be used. I was going to invite her to come with me and my buddy to the bars in downtown Chicago since she wants to see the crazy side of me and not the mellow chill guy that hangs out with her in the day. This would be this upcoming Thur which I do not think is enough time to freeze her out. I run the risk of her making other plans if I don't ask her soon yet I need to freeze her out.

    Read up on the boyfriend destroyer. The only problem with that is she is probably the one that does not want the relationship because her dad is racist and she has options. Right now she has three guys she is toying with. The guy that offered her to move to CA with him; who has a decent amt of money and a decent job that her parents hate because they are racist, the guy that has a TON of money who she lived with before, and me. I am the most stable option since I am here to stay and she wants to stay local for family and stay local to go to school. As a girl who loves money and loves traveling staying here is obviously a hard decision to make. The suburbs of Chicago are boring and she probably knows in the back of her head that I am going to be extremely busy with school starting in two weeks.

    I was just going to wait until Sept to make any moves or play any more games with her so I do not get crushed when she probably does move. Hell why not just go for it now though and maybe change her mind about staying or at least get some good ol fashioned action.

    So the final two questions I guess I have are: Should I still stick to freezing her out even though I do not have a good time span to do so? If I offer for her to come downtown Thur I could show her a good time and put the moves on her in a social setting that she has been bugging me to show her for awhile now. And how can I make myself seem more appealing to hangout with at night? Bringing her downtown is a good start but she loves sex and right now she is having sex with this dude, not me (ASSUMING). I feel like if I had sex with her even once she would prioritize me more thinking in the back of her head "Maybe at the end of the night I will get some pleasure" right now she is probably thinking "ugh at the end of the night I am getting no action from this prude when I could be hanging out with Guy B getting some at the end of the night" The Push Pull techniques will be good to get her attraction up and want me more but at the end of the day she could just be thinking enough games I"m just going to hang out with this other guy and get some for sure sex. I need to add some mystery to myself for sure, as it stands I am just the bland, boring, prude, guy that comforts her when she needs it. Why I thought downtown bar would be a good idea. Show her the crazy side of myself. (she has never been to a party or been around my friends)


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