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  1. #1
    TheRealDeal87 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default How to convert my FWB to my girlfriend?

    Whats up crew?

    My only post here was in January of this year, in assisting help in closing things out with a girl. I closed it out successfully on the first night we met and again on the day two, and it turns out this girl has become not only a FWB, but we have become one others best friend. She gets me, and I get her. there is no jealousy. She'll see other guys occasionally, I'll see other women occasionally.

    She's been in two serious relationships...One with a girl, and one with a guy that she has a child with (Yes, she is bi) both of her LTR's the following has happened:

    1. She cheated on them with me, multiple times.
    2. She was given an ultimatum by both of them to leave me out of the picture. There were suspicions of she and I sleeping together (it is VERY obvious) and both times, she told them to hit the road and that I would always be in the picture because I'm her 'best friend' etc.

    The guy she was with, they have a child together. A great 1 year old boy that loves me. He has accused she and I of hooking up together multiple times and she has explained it's really none of his business since they are not together. He laid an ultimatum on her yesterday and said if they were to ever get back together, I would have to be out of the picture. She told him to never speak to her again and that would never happen and that I would always be in the picture no matter what. Girls are the same way when it comes to she and I, they have laid ultimatums on me about her and I've told them to hit the road also. So, we are both willing to tell everyone else to fark off to have one another in our lives for good.

    We both have very strong feelings for one another, but we've known each other only nine months so I want to take things slow but I still want her to consider me as a future boyfriend. She's been in the hospital the last few days with a torn kidney and I've came and stayed with her when I've got off work, and we've had some heart to heart talks with each other about who we are, how lucky we are to be best friends, etc. I get home and I check up on her, and I get the following:

    Her: You know me n u sleeping together isnt a good idea.. but ill never let someone tell me I can't hang out with you. Your my best friend and u care about me more then they ever did .

    Me: it's never been a good idea for many reasons and we both know that. but we still do it..but lets me real here for a second..You and I can't have a relationship together right now. You don't want one and neither of us are ready for one. let's just keep things the way they are and see where things go.

    Her: I just want to be friends.. were good friends now. I don't ever wanna ruin it

    Me: No matter what happens we'll always be close friends, nothing is gonna change that.

    We have tried to actually go in REVERSE and make the transition from being FWB to just FRIENDS because of the feelings we caught so fast for one another in the beginning.

    This was the total PUA in me coming out months ago when she said we couldn't sleep together anymore, we should be friends, she wanted to be 'good' etc...

    I told her sure, no problem. I won't touch you. I think the AFC way to be would have been to make it a big farking deal, so I played it down like I didn't care

    After being in her home with all of our friends, this lasted about 30 minutes before we locked ourselves in her bedroom for the night

    I want everyone's analysis here but this is my own: It sounds to be as if she is terrified of making the transition to being best friends with benefits, to being together, in fear of losing one another by having things going to hell and I can totally relate to that because that is my biggest fear too. This girl is my best friend, and I don't want to lose that, but I don't want to lose her as a future gf either.

    My question is, how do I make her comfortable enough to make this transition and stay in her sights for when the time is right? I don't want to rush things but I don't want to back step on this either. Keep in mind she's a single mother so she's definitely got another to think of besides her own needs, but her kids love me, family loves me too.

    Sorry so long, thanks for looking. Hope to get some good info here


  2. #2
    Conquistador82's Avatar
    Conquistador82 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to convert my FWB to my girlfriend?

    You don't do anything...if she is interested in going exclusive she will bring it up. But why would want to settle down with one girl, when you can have two or three. If you bring it up....she might end up getting freak out because of your neediness. You might end up without a girl all!

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to convert my FWB to my girlfriend?

    I admire your relationship with this woman. It's very rare and you are both lucky. I do have some thoughts though...

    Right now the fact that you have this "us vs the world" attitude is what drives you together. The fact that you aren't together makes the relationship challenging and that's stimulation for both of you. Becoming exclusive runs the risk of the secret ingredient to your relationship completely disappear. Now you both will technically be allowed to get jealous and maybe even possessive.

    You already know she has cheating habits so when you guys start to have problems (and you will. Every relationship does) the first thing one your mind will be if she is going to cheat on you. Monogamy creates an illusion of ownership over the other person, which some people are just not built for and that's ok.

    You already have basically everything you want with her and still have the freedom to date if you choose. The title I believe would only degrade the special connection you two have. But that's just my opinion and I could be wrong.

    As for HOW to get her to want to be in a relationship. I can tell you that one of the biggest reasons for people wanting to be exclusive is "fear of loss." If you start to show indifference (never be malicious) and that you aren't interested in her anymore she will be afraid that she will lose you and will want to "lock you in" somehow and that is to have the official title of your girlfriend. Hope this helps and good luck.

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