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Thread: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

  1. #21
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by V0x View Post
    Let her re-initiate. Sounds like potentially she's not that interested or is sh1t testing you.
    Yes about letting her re-iniciate.

    Interesting point of view about the interest/sh1t-test but I don't think so. I believe she's got deep values and really don't want to feel like she's cheating. She wants to deal with the breakup first, methinks. Then she'll be open for me again. Remember that she's basically leaving her BF for me - if you've read the whole story. Of course I might be wrong, you never know.

    I am actually happy about this turn of events. I was hoping for a clean transition and right now, I think everything is going smoothly. It's actually going faster than I expected so giving her time is not something I fear.

    It's just the notion of "giving her time" that is a little shady to me. I have this B-Day present I wanted to give her... and today I decided I wouldn't give it to her or talk about it until we meet again, on her own initiative. Just to make sure I don't do any kind of pressure.

  2. #22
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    *** Update ***

    Well once again I followed Xavier's advice and it pays off.

    Like I said earlier she is taking care of her transition and she asked me to be patient.

    It's been like two weeks and I sent her only one email on her birthday, and I made sure to make it casual.

    Then I waited for her to send the next mail... and she did after more than a week. I made her wait for two days before I answered this morning and we've been exchanging emails since then.

    I played the sexual innuendo game and she gave a bite on my hook After a few emails that definitely made her feel hot and wet in her pants, she told me she was eager to see me (even though I know it won't happen until she moves into her own apartment).

    The sexual convo was really "between the lines" and somehow I understood from her replies that she needed reassurance that I was still solid as a rock in a romantic way so I gave her what she needed.

    I ended the last email by telling her to close her eyes for a few seconds so I can kiss her in thoughts.

    Everything seem to go as planned and I can't help but to think that by following your advice I am now living a dream

    I really love that girl and I know she loves me as well. It's now just a question of time, but also I need to make sure not to ever appear needy or make pressure.

  3. #23
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Easy, just concentrate on not being needy try thinking about other things, distract yourself, before u talk to her ask yourself have i been talking to her a lot? and answer in an OBJECTIVE way, give her some space understand that u letting her be independent means the world to her. Don't tell her you love her before she does or at least before you sleep with her (remember denier=her sex means she is crazy about you). When you are in the relationship make sure u keep it alive don't get dull and boring and don't loose your frame, the Alpha male frame, that's the most important thing not only in your relationship but in life.

    I'm happy for you, you get to have your happy ending with your high school sweetheart a lot of guys get into pu for that same reason but rare are the ones that do get it (think about that too being needy will ruin youre happily ever after)but then again they didn't have me as a mentor and let's face it, I am one hell of a mentor .

    I better be a best man in that wending!

    That's about everything i can think about right now if you want anything else you know where to find me.

    Have a nice life man
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  4. #24
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    Easy, just concentrate on not being needy
    Easy, you say?
    I'm having a hard time gauging between keeping email contact and making sure I don't write too much so I don't appear needy. There's no magic recipe, I know, but which is the most important: Not needy, or keep contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    give her some space understand that u letting her be independent means the world to her.
    Xavier, I don't know where your wisdom comes from but again you surprise me with your precise understanding of her situation. This little piece of advice is worth gold.

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    but then again they didn't have me as a mentor and let's face it, I am one hell of a mentor .

    (...)

    That's about everything i can think about right now if you want anything else you know where to find me.
    Actually I have another question. Of course anyone else can chime in - all help is appreciated.

    Last weekend, she moved into her own apartment. She didn't tell me if she left her boyfriend of 4 years or not. She told me she was happy and that she liked her new place, so I'm guessing she's still on the right path (the path that will lead her to me!). My feeling is that it's going to take a few more weeks, even probably two or three months before she feels like she's "over him" enough to start a new relationship.

    I know I have to be her rock, I have to be fun and playful, I have to be alpha and confident, I have to be flirty AND be empathetic to her situation (by the way, how can I translate empathy in a email? I have no clue!), etc.

    Basically, I have to be PERFECT. I have been pretty solid so far but yesterday we had our 1st misunderstanding and I saved my as$ at the last minute... but it made me realize that if this situation really stays like this for months... it will be impossible to avoid any kind of mistake on my part. I can't read her mind. At one point I will be flirty when she'll need comfort or whatever. Do you get what I'm saying? How does normal people deal with all this stress?
    lol
    I just wish there was a way to fastforward time or a super-elaborated plan for mistake-free email convos!

    Being perfect is just something I know I won't be able to pull off forever I guess. hehe

    That being said, my Oneitis is a beautiful illness so far. I don't want to complain too much!

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    I better be a best man in that wedding!
    I wish you'd be the best man but first she needs to come to me... and then I need to find a way to make sure no one knows you were my coach or else she'll dump me for you! lol

  5. #25
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by ronthepen View Post
    Easy, you say?
    but which is the most important: Not needy, or keep contact?

    Last weekend, she moved into her own apartment. She didn't tell me if she left her boyfriend of 4 years or not. She told me she was happy and that she liked her new place, so I'm guessing she's still on the right path (the path that will lead her to me!). My feeling is that it's going to take a few more weeks, even probably two or three months before she feels like she's "over him" enough to start a new relationship.

    I know I have to be her rock, I have to be fun and playful, I have to be alpha and confident, I have to be flirty AND be empathetic to her situation (by the way, how can I translate empathy in a email? I have no clue!), etc.

    Basically, I have to be PERFECT. Being perfect is just something I know I won't be able to pull off forever I guess. hehe
    You don't have to be perfect. You don't even need to be a rock. She split up with an ex - she didn't have her leg amputated! She must like you for who you are. You dont need anything more than sheer naked confidence and the risk taking ability to gamble all or nothing.

    Women get over men faster than most men realise. Your tricky situation is that you could easily be in the wrong timing - where you are around her when she's going through the short window in between relationships.

    See as it stands she is not directly moving out from her ex and into your life yet. She is not moving in with you or relying on you completely. So you are not a rock yet even if you try to be. I would not recommend giving her any empathy for her move or breakup. It's a maelstrom you dont need to sail into. She will see you as being too easy...too much of the past. easy to rely on but not neccessarily a potential future long term partner.

    Ultimately it makes little difference to you - you are attracted to her on a much deeper level and she should be too. If she is attracted to you on that deeper level she will let herself go to you completely and it wont take weeks or months. Your still in limbo. Real love waits for no-one. Make it happen or move on and ignore her. She'll track you down if she's truly interested.

    Perhaps you have a fear of hurting her and also yourself. I would ditch that weak attitude. Start thinking more about what YOU WANT instead of reacting to her and dont worry about what might or might not happen. Boy meets girl. Is their chemistry? That's all you need. The rest is irrelevent. Engineer everything towards being together in person rather than worrying about what you say or dont say in a text or email. Engineer it so she is inviting you over to her new place for dinner (and stay the night etc). Right now. Ask her to come over and see her new place - you'll bring snack food. Stay the night. Engineer it so you also have a plan B if she says she is busy. The easiest way to avoid oneitis is to have more than one girl. Simple.

    I wouldn't hesitate to go NC for a while rather than trying to comfort her during her 'situation'. Again her situation is nothing that stops her from being herself or falling in love. I also wouldn't be afraid to escalate things along more aggressively. Make a definitive move. The worst position to be in is limboland. If she really likes you she will not mess you around or keep you in limbo. That's where you are.

    Waiting 2 days to respond to an email - honestly it makes no farking difference - you need to get it to where she texts you constantly. Communicate naturally and as you see fit. Sometimes you're busy sometimes not, her too, but as soon as you start forcing it you loose the energy of what you are actually saying. I write to girls whenever I want, I rarely sit around with a calender and clock timing my responses. Respond naturally and go with the flow.

  6. #26
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Whitedragon, I understand that you have a perception of the situation that makes everything simple. As if natural attraction, the chemistry of love, will do all the work by itself. I surely hope you're right

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Real love waits for no-one. Make it happen or move on and ignore her. She'll track you down if she's truly interested.
    After reading your post, everything seems to be more simple than I thought it was. The only problem I see with your advice is that she asked me to give her time, and by being more aggressive with my moves it might be perceived as pressure, and my experience (as well as Xavier's advice about her independence meaning everything in the world to her) shows me that making pressure is bad in these situations.

    Other than that, I realize you're right about many things, especially the part about not giving too much thoughts on my texts and realizing that I ultimately have to do something in order not to stay in limboland.

    I'll plan a strategy and then post it here before I put it into action, since you guys can always pinpoint the flaws and help me re-focus the goals.

  7. #27
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Not suggesting you give her pressure but I would be wary about her saying she needs time and how you fit into that. She may want independence and some degree of space to get her new life rolling but I'm not convinced women need months to choose to fall in love.

  8. #28
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Not suggesting you give her pressure but I would be wary about her saying she needs time and how you fit into that. She may want independence and some degree of space to get her new life rolling but I'm not convinced women need months to choose to fall in love.
    I've been thinking for the last few days and I have come to some newer conclusions.

    I realized that my main problem right now is a question of phasing. "Phasing" as "not being on the same wavelenght".

    Here's my current gut feeling: After our day together - the day where we really reconnected and where she realized that I was a real potential BF - I asked her out for a date and she declined. She sent me an email telling me she needed time to do her transition of both her belongings (as she was planning to move out) and her feelings (I interpreted that as a change of boyfriend).

    Now here's the small detail that didn't really catch my attention at first: She ended the email saying "Have a great Autumn".

    A few weeks ago she sent me another email where she told me she was moving to her new apartment in early November. I think that this is when I kinda started to fantasize about November: I thought she would take the opportunity to start a new life right away, and that I would be an integral part of it.

    So since November came through I was expecting something to happen. The phasing problem is probably that in her subconscious, the time lapse she's given herself for her change of heart must have been longer, probably until late December.

    I know, Whitedragon, that you have a bad feeling about taking time to make a move when there's passion...

    ...but the way I see it, this girl is so authentic that if she tells me something, I'd better listen and believe her. She's not playing games. Never. She does what she says she'll do. I am confident that all I have to do is to keep it casual and fun - making no pressure whatsoever - and that when she'll be ready she'll give me a sign.

    Of course if you guys think I'm all wrong I would like to hear your take on the situation.

  9. #29
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    I aven't read what u and WD talked about if there is anything imporatant i missed tell me:
    Easy, you say?
    I'm having a hard time gauging between keeping email contact and making sure I don't write too much so I don't appear needy. There's no magic recipe, I know, but which is the most important: Not needy, or keep contact?
    U HAVE to keep contact and not be needy! Look, just e-mail her every 10 days or 2 weeks and update her on our life kind of like telling her whats happening with u (in a dhv way) but not really expecting a reply. Just talk don't ask for advice, don't say whats up in the beggining nore what about u're week in the end nothing!
    Xavier, I don't know where your wisdom comes from but again you surprise me with your precise understanding of her situation. This little piece of advice is worth gold.
    I know you're way older than me but son i have read countless psychology books and tried everything on every type of women. I think i uncounsciously had the pandora's box system in my mind vin just wrote down what i knew i should do and gave a name to the types of women and there conflicts, seriously i had:
    - attention whore (tester)/normal (investor)
    - party girl (justifier)/church girl (denier)
    - i didn't really pay much attention to the i-r factor but i just knew how to keep the convo going with both from the way they talked
    Actually I have another question. Of course anyone else can chime in - all help is appreciated.

    Last weekend, she moved into her own apartment. She didn't tell me if she left her boyfriend of 4 years or not. She told me she was happy and that she liked her new place, so I'm guessing she's still on the right path (the path that will lead her to me!). My feeling is that it's going to take a few more weeks, even probably two or three months before she feels like she's "over him" enough to start a new relationship.

    I know I have to be her rock, I have to be fun and playful, I have to be alpha and confident, I have to be flirty AND be empathetic to her situation (by the way, how can I translate empathy in a email? I have no clue!), etc.

    Basically, I have to be PERFECT. I have been pretty solid so far but yesterday we had our 1st misunderstanding and I saved my as$ at the last minute... but it made me realize that if this situation really stays like this for months... it will be impossible to avoid any kind of mistake on my part. I can't read her mind. At one point I will be flirty when she'll need Comfort or whatever. Do you get what I'm saying? How does normal people deal with all this stress?
    lol
    I just wish there was a way to fastforward time or a super-elaborated plan for mistake-free email convos!

    Being perfect is just something I know I won't be able to pull off forever I guess. hehe

    That being said, my Oneitis is a beautiful illness so far. I don't want to complain too much!
    I get what you're saying look no ones perfect u will make mistakes and u will loose u're frame at times just be sure to get it back and make sure to dhv more than dlv and always be confident. You don't have to be her rock in this situation, in fact beeing her rock in this situation is bad.
    I wish you'd be the best man but first she needs to come to me... and then I need to find a way to make sure no one knows you were my coach or else she'll dump me for you!lol
    Naaaaaaaaaaaaah she won't i am training u well or at least u'll put up a good fight
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  10. #30
    ZenzeY is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    O M G W T F R U D O I N ' !? okok guys lets work in something


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