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Thread: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

  1. #31
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    U HAVE to keep contact and not be needy! Look, just e-mail her every 10 days or 2 weeks and update her on our life kind of like telling her whats happening with u (in a dhv way) but not really expecting a reply. Just talk don't ask for advice, don't say whats up in the beggining nore what about u're week in the end nothing!
    I'm updating just to tell you again, Xavier, that your are a pure Genius!

    Like always I followed your advice and it paid off. I use to write her emails with questions (ping) so that she would have to "pong" me back. She use to reply with short answers and short emails.

    This time I waited two weeks before sending her an email (giving her an update + DVG) and I asked no question at all. The result: She replied the same day with her longest email yet.

    I just wanted to share this experience with the other aspiring PUAs. You guys definitely have to try this advice if your target puts your in limboland.

    Xavier, I wonder what's the psychological basis for that advice? Why is it working better than asking questions? What made you think that it would be a good idea to try that? Please, share your wisdom! And Thank you again!

  2. #32
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by ronthepen View Post
    I'm updating just to tell you again, Xavier, that your are a pure Genius!

    Like always I followed your advice and it paid off. I use to write her emails with questions (ping) so that she would have to "pong" me back. She use to reply with short answers and short emails.

    This time I waited two weeks before sending her an email (giving her an update + DVG) and I asked no question at all. The result: She replied the same day with her longest email yet.

    I just wanted to share this experience with the other aspiring PUAs. You guys definitely have to try this advice if your target puts your in limboland.

    Xavier, I wonder what's the psychological basis for that advice? Why is it working better than asking questions? What made you think that it would be a good idea to try that? Please, share your wisdom! And Thank you again!
    It's all about the alpha state of mind, alpha males don't ask a lot of questions they just assume they know everything and alpha males just talk about them selves that way others will feel comfortable talking about themsleves in return and if the other person doesn't talk then to hell with him, don't care it's alll about u. Plus if u ask questions it shows that u are asking her to invest in the convo wrong she should invest on her own.
    Word of advice: When in doubt about what to do think of the weakest most insecure thing u would do and then do the exact opposite. More often then none u will be on the right track.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  3. #33
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    I'm just updating to say that for the last few weeks I managed to get the email convos going with success, especially with the latest advice from Xavier.

    I have realized through these convos that my Highschool sweetheart really gave herself a time frame that will keep us from seeing each other before late December or even January. I based my analysis on many clues that leads me to this conclusion. Right now, I'm acting as her weekly inbox vitamin and her replies are getting longer and deeper. I can tell she's going through a lot, with her moving away from her ex-bf (she didn't confirm this yet I'm just assuming and I don't want to ask) and getting through personal issues as well.

    My only struggle is to find a way to bring back some sexual Tension in the texts but I feel like I'd better wait until she gets better hehehe

    I'll update again if something interesting happens.

  4. #34
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    *** UPDATE ***

    My HS-sweetheart finally suggested we see each other this Friday night. My analysis of the situation was pretty good

    Quote Originally Posted by ronthepen View Post
    my Highschool sweetheart really gave herself a time frame that will keep us from seeing each other before late December
    I am afraid and excited... and really happy and relieved. I know I can win her heart. Xmas time is a good time of the year to get close. Lately I've been sarging a little and I have got great success but never went further than to Number Close. I mostly did this to feel confident, and I've been very good at it, but all that time I was still thinking about my oneitis.

    I would really like to get a little warm up advice from you guys before I see her! Anything! I'm too excited to think right now :P

  5. #35
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Take a deep breath and chill. Take charge and control of the conversation when u guys are alone and steer it into a sexual direction with some Kino and go for the kiss.
    P.S: I know I've told u this a million times b4. DON'T LOOSE THE FRAME!
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  6. #36
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    Take a deep breath and chill. Take charge and control of the conversation when u guys are alone and steer it into a sexual direction with some Kino and go for the kiss.
    P.S: I know I've told u this a million times b4. DON'T LOOSE THE FRAME!
    *** UPDATE ***

    The second date went a little bad.
    My analysis: She just spent the last months breaking up with her boyfriend, going through suffering phases and sadness - I think she subconsciously put the responsibility of her problems on me. Also, I think she's not ready to start a new relationship just yet - she wants to have "fun" (I guess a few rebound farks) before she gives herself to me.

    Here's what happened: We met and she was energetic and happy to see me. We got into the bar and even though I pretty much kept my frame, she started to try to break my frame. All of it was done in a fun way, and even though it felt horrible to me, we kept strong eye-contact + smiles + hands touching.

    Even though I was leading the convos, she kept bringing out all of my shortcomings, telling me that I am in a denial phase, that I am overly confident and positive (which is in her mind a good thing but it shows I am in denial of reality), she talked twice about a very fun hipster guy at her working place that invited her to dance and shared some music discoveries with her... I even asked her in a "I don't care" attitude if she would have preferred going out with him and she said "no! that's not what I meant!".

    Basically it was a disaster, but I honestly don't think I could have done anything different: I believe she needed to spit out some frustrations and make me feel bad. Still, everything happened with a smile and I kept calm and true to myself. Until I spilled my beer on her knees by accident.

    She was cool about it and I didn't make a big thing out of it. I just moved on and cut the date short before it went further downhill. I told her I would take her back to her apartment - and she didn't wanted me to because it looked like a tactic to get into her bed so I told her I would never let a girl go home alone at night and she complied.

    Fortunately, this is when things started to get better! As I was walking her home, we re-connected, we talked about deeper stuff, she told me directly that I had farked up her life and I said I was 100% conscious I had done that but that I had done it because I believe it was the right thing to do and that I was 100% honest with myself. It calmed her and liked my answer. I also told her she had given me a hard time at the bar and she became nicer to me all of a sudden.

    Later I told her I was happy that we take our time because I wouldn't want to be her rebound and she told my I was a wise man. We flirted and she admitted she had sexual fantasies about me. I gave her an object that has a emotional value to me(emotional anchoring)and it really made a huge emotional connection between us because she could also relate her own emotions to it. I was also clever enough to organize another date on the spot so I don't have to worry about how to see her again.

    Finally we shared an intense goodbye hug, I told her she should realize that my arms were made to hold her. She laughed and squeezed me even more. Then I put my hand on the side of her head, under her ear, as if I was going for the kiss... and I pushed her gently away from me (about 3 feet) with a smile and said "You've had enough hugging for tonight".

    I took a cab and got a text from her saying thanks for the evening and goodnight with kisses.

    Overall, it wasn't all that bad I guess but I am not happy with how it turned out. I had higher expectations. I decided not to kiss her because she didn't deserve it and didn't felt like she wanted it anyway. I believe that she'll probably be nicer with me next time - I think I showed her she had been a bad girl.

    I am afraid about the future because I feel like she needs some crazy nights, kissing boys on a dance floor or something. I don't really know what to do next. I'll see her in two days and I am looking for a new strategy. Ideas, anyone?

  7. #37
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    You only made one mistake, u had expectations that is it. Through out my read i saw NOTHING wrong with what u did u acted like a pro in every single situation. I wouldn't have done anything other than what u did.
    As for the she needs crazy nights things no not really she just want to blow off some steam like u said earlier. Don't worry if u still show her that u're 'her night in shining armor' she wont need them.
    Don't worry and don't get inside u're head keep it up! Next time u see her she will try to ride u and not the other way around trust me.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  8. #38
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    You only made one mistake, u had expectations that is it. Through out my read i saw NOTHING wrong with what u did u acted like a pro in every single situation. I wouldn't have done anything other than what u did.
    As for the she needs crazy nights things no not really she just want to blow off some steam like u said earlier. Don't worry if u still show her that u're 'her night in shining armor' she wont need them.
    Don't worry and don't get inside u're head keep it up! Next time u see her she will try to ride u and not the other way around trust me.
    Woah! What a relief to read your analysis, Xavier. It's really weird how your reply made me feel better with myself. I feel like an apprentice getting a tap on the back from his teacher. Thanks, I needed it!

    I'm going to her place tomorrow evening for the second date. I'm going to go there with a smile, I'll show the best of me and find a way to kiss her. I don't know how it will happen, I think I'll just go with the flow (and read a few threads with K-close ideas beforehand to put me in the mood).

    Love is such a strange animal. I know I put way too much thoughts about her reactions to my actions... but honestly I also believe that my analysis are pretty much on the spot.

    I'm slowly finding reconciliation with my inner alpha-maleness. This year has been an awakening of my consciousness and I owe you guys a lot. This forum is full of knowledge and great thinkers.

    One last thing: Is it possible that showing her that I'm still 100% ready for her and interested will diminish her interest in me? Cat-String theory tells us to be a little out of reach, and I wonder how not to give her too much attention and loose her.

  9. #39
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    -You're welcome.
    -Use the three smiles routine hopeful romantics eat that sh1t up (and the cinderella also)
    -they were
    -It is
    -I strongly advocate push/pull but in u're case fark theory, i think u should but don't seem needy for it and let her know that and that u'll be ok if she doesn't want it.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  10. #40
    Xmrider is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by ronthepen View Post
    Long story, sorry.

    I'm 32. When I was in High School, there was this brunette HB8 with whom I shared my first french kiss. At that time I was a natural - I had some Alpha vibes going on and I would just have to take that girl by the arm during parties to bring her to closed doors and make out with her. I didn't know this back then but she fell in love with me... and it lasted for years without the two of us ever farking or going out together.

    I pushed her in the arms of my best friend of the time. I went out with another chick. For two years she was with him while being secretly in love with me even though our lives took their own path.

    A few years later I met her again and I was stunned at her beauty. I definitely had butterflies in the stomach. A year later I saw her again and her ex BF (my former best friend) told me it would be a good time for me to realize she and I have a connection. I'm stupid... so I missed my chance again.

    Years passed and we happened to share some university courses. That's when I really got to know her and fell in love with her (in a mature way). At the time I was sure about my feelings I told my friends about it and EVERYONE told me to back off, to stay away from her since I had made her suffer in the past (which I was clueless about). Society can lead your decision making sometimes: I stepped back and went out with another girl. A few years later I met her again and she told me about the fact she'd been in love with me for years. It made me think... but I was happy with my GF so I didn't make a move then.

    Then I got engaged with my GF. I really thought we'd live a happy life together, but somehow I had this tiny feeling I was doing something wrong... because I kept thinking that the girl I should be with might just have been the other gal. Later, my fiancée got into a depression. For a whole year I was living in hell and had thoughts about the other girl. It's not rational but somehow I think I would have been happier with her.

    My fiancée then dumped me a month before she told me she was pregnant from another dude and it ruined my self-confidence for a few weeks. Then I started dating new girls. I'm slowly getting back into the game. I've been single for about 5 months now.

    Here's my issue:
    The girl I truly love is my highschool sweetheart. About a month and a half ago, the AFC in me wrote her a love letter. In that letter I told her everything - my point of view of our 16-years connection and how I somehow felt like she was "the one" and that I was deeply in love with her. Don't throw rocks at me, people! I'm a delusional romantic at times.

    A few days after I gave her the letter (that was awkward!) we spent an evening together to talk about it - and it went great even though I was pitiful.

    The bad points:
    1- She started by telling me she had "found her man". Yeah, she's in a +/- 3-4 years relationship with A PALE COPY OF ME (yeah some of my friends saw him and she's totally compensating! The guy is almost my clone and has a similar persona, but not as great!)
    2- She kept saying I was a dreamer (which I am)
    3- I didn't do kino, didn't make long eye-contact, looked depressed and went there thinking I had no chance to win her.
    4- She was leading me physically, in convos etc. I was beta all the way.
    5- She admitted that my devotion was pleasing her because she wished for that to happen for so long.

    The good points:
    1- I saw in her starry eyes that she still have feelings about me.
    2- I was %100 honest with her, telling her all of my feelings... which is bad for seduction... but it made me feel so good inside.
    3- Our emotional connection made a GIANT LEAP FORWARD and I managed to save a year of emails and fluffy talk to get back to her core.
    4- Still... I'm not in the friend zone! I never was and never will be, and I kept being a funny, cocky + sexual despite my depressed mood.

    A few days later I've been AFC again and sent her an email saying it was good seeing her and (argh!) asking her if it was okay with her if I keep writing and asking her for a drink once in a while. ...Luckily she didn't answer that email.

    Two days later I made a cover of a song (I'm a musician) about us and sent it to her (facebook) saying it was for her. The song talked about two lovers who missed their chance to be together and that are living their love in a dream world.

    She replied by saying:
    1- That I was a dreamer... and that she knows that because she's one as well.
    2- That she adores that song
    3- That the song belongs to a world where nothing hurts, a perfect world.
    4- That it was beautiful because it was inaccessible.

    I snapped my chance and replied by saying that I know that in the world she's talking about, her and I are already together. That in that world I was already cuddling and kissing her etc. I ended by saying: "It makes me wonder... who needs reality?". I definitely played the romantic cards and since then, I made a Freese Out and we didn't write or talked since then. It's been a month now. No sign of life.

    -

    My current plan is to:
    1- Find a way to see her casually. We live in the same city but besides that we have no social connection anymore. I have to find ways to routinely see her! I need ideas!
    2- Use the Boyfriend Destroyer technique on her when the time is right
    3- Go out with her and start a family (yeah I'm at that age!)
    4- Learn more from the PUA Forums to know how to keep her. She's very special to me and I don't want to fark up things with her anymore. I want to be her man!

    My question is this:
    Do you guys have any advice to give to me? I am very serious about being honest with her and I know I don't have any control on her decision making. What I want is to change myself so I can win her heart again.

    By the way she's a Hopeful Romantic (Pandora's Box), she's a giver, she likes bio food/community work/honesty/simplicity/biking/artists/travel/romance/me... she dislikes money/players/clubbing/bars/cars.

    I made a lot of mistakes but in the last 3 weeks I've been addicted to this forum and I know I can win her. I just need all the help you guys can provide!

    Come on! Everyone: if you have something to say, an Idea or advice, please say it!
    That is a cool story to read and to see the advances you are making! Nice advice from Xavier! Hope it works out for you. Keep us posted as it is very interesting to read!
    Make the impossible possible!


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