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Thread: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

  1. #1
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Long story, sorry.

    I'm 32. When I was in High School, there was this brunette HB8 with whom I shared my first french kiss. At that time I was a natural - I had some Alpha vibes going on and I would just have to take that girl by the arm during parties to bring her to closed doors and make out with her. I didn't know this back then but she fell in love with me... and it lasted for years without the two of us ever farking or going out together.

    I pushed her in the arms of my best friend of the time. I went out with another chick. For two years she was with him while being secretly in love with me even though our lives took their own path.

    A few years later I met her again and I was stunned at her beauty. I definitely had butterflies in the stomach. A year later I saw her again and her ex BF (my former best friend) told me it would be a good time for me to realize she and I have a connection. I'm stupid... so I missed my chance again.

    Years passed and we happened to share some university courses. That's when I really got to know her and fell in love with her (in a mature way). At the time I was sure about my feelings I told my friends about it and EVERYONE told me to back off, to stay away from her since I had made her suffer in the past (which I was clueless about). Society can lead your decision making sometimes: I stepped back and went out with another girl. A few years later I met her again and she told me about the fact she'd been in love with me for years. It made me think... but I was happy with my GF so I didn't make a move then.

    Then I got engaged with my GF. I really thought we'd live a happy life together, but somehow I had this tiny feeling I was doing something wrong... because I kept thinking that the girl I should be with might just have been the other gal. Later, my fiancée got into a depression. For a whole year I was living in hell and had thoughts about the other girl. It's not rational but somehow I think I would have been happier with her.

    My fiancée then dumped me a month before she told me she was pregnant from another dude and it ruined my self-confidence for a few weeks. Then I started dating new girls. I'm slowly getting back into the game. I've been single for about 5 months now.

    Here's my issue:
    The girl I truly love is my highschool sweetheart. About a month and a half ago, the AFC in me wrote her a love letter. In that letter I told her everything - my point of view of our 16-years connection and how I somehow felt like she was "the one" and that I was deeply in love with her. Don't throw rocks at me, people! I'm a delusional romantic at times.

    A few days after I gave her the letter (that was awkward!) we spent an evening together to talk about it - and it went great even though I was pitiful.

    The bad points:
    1- She started by telling me she had "found her man". Yeah, she's in a +/- 3-4 years relationship with A PALE COPY OF ME (yeah some of my friends saw him and she's totally compensating! The guy is almost my clone and has a similar persona, but not as great!)
    2- She kept saying I was a dreamer (which I am)
    3- I didn't do kino, didn't make long eye-contact, looked depressed and went there thinking I had no chance to win her.
    4- She was leading me physically, in convos etc. I was beta all the way.
    5- She admitted that my devotion was pleasing her because she wished for that to happen for so long.

    The good points:
    1- I saw in her starry eyes that she still have feelings about me.
    2- I was %100 honest with her, telling her all of my feelings... which is bad for seduction... but it made me feel so good inside.
    3- Our emotional connection made a GIANT LEAP FORWARD and I managed to save a year of emails and fluffy talk to get back to her core.
    4- Still... I'm not in the friend zone! I never was and never will be, and I kept being a funny, cocky + sexual despite my depressed mood.

    A few days later I've been AFC again and sent her an email saying it was good seeing her and (argh!) asking her if it was okay with her if I keep writing and asking her for a drink once in a while. ...Luckily she didn't answer that email.

    Two days later I made a cover of a song (I'm a musician) about us and sent it to her (facebook) saying it was for her. The song talked about two lovers who missed their chance to be together and that are living their love in a dream world.

    She replied by saying:
    1- That I was a dreamer... and that she knows that because she's one as well.
    2- That she adores that song
    3- That the song belongs to a world where nothing hurts, a perfect world.
    4- That it was beautiful because it was inaccessible.

    I snapped my chance and replied by saying that I know that in the world she's talking about, her and I are already together. That in that world I was already cuddling and kissing her etc. I ended by saying: "It makes me wonder... who needs reality?". I definitely played the romantic cards and since then, I made a Freese Out and we didn't write or talked since then. It's been a month now. No sign of life.

    -

    My current plan is to:
    1- Find a way to see her casually. We live in the same city but besides that we have no social connection anymore. I have to find ways to routinely see her! I need ideas!
    2- Use the Boyfriend Destroyer technique on her when the time is right
    3- Go out with her and start a family (yeah I'm at that age!)
    4- Learn more from the PUA Forums to know how to keep her. She's very special to me and I don't want to fark up things with her anymore. I want to be her man!

    My question is this:
    Do you guys have any advice to give to me? I am very serious about being honest with her and I know I don't have any control on her decision making. What I want is to change myself so I can win her heart again.

    By the way she's a Hopeful Romantic (Pandora's Box), she's a giver, she likes bio food/community work/honesty/simplicity/biking/artists/travel/romance/me... she dislikes money/players/clubbing/bars/cars.

    I made a lot of mistakes but in the last 3 weeks I've been addicted to this forum and I know I can win her. I just need all the help you guys can provide!

    Come on! Everyone: if you have something to say, an Idea or advice, please say it!

  2. #2
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want my "hopeful romantic" HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    wow u said there was only a letter. i understand why u did what u did. u're plan of action is the right one but my questions are: she didn't reply to the who needs reality?
    do u think that a month is enough for her to cool down emotionally?( will theese actions affect a lot u're next chat?)
    Don't lie to me or urself about the second question u might risk loosing her with all theese AFC actions
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: I want my "hopeful romantic" HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    wow u said there was only a letter. i understand why u did what u did. u're plan of action is the right one but my questions are: she didn't reply to the who needs reality?
    do u think that a month is enough for her to cool down emotionally?( will theese actions affect a lot u're next chat?)
    Don't lie to me or urself about the second question u might risk loosing her with all theese AFC actions
    Thank you so much for your reply.

    The answer to your question is: NO.
    I don't think a month is enough for her to cool down. My best bet is to wait another month. In early October it will be her birthday and it will give me a good reason to write her or call her or even to see her. She will probably be cool and I will too (because obviously I have to calm down as well!).

    Also, to answer your second question: No she didn't reply to the "who needs reality" line.

    I'm actually looking for ideas for a long-term plan and your opinions about the right Mindset I should follow. If I'm not mistaking, this Freeze-Out session is good if she starts to feel like there is a lack of passion in her relationship with her BF. I'm passionate and she knows it oh so well after all these years

  4. #4
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want my "hopeful romantic" HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by ronthepen View Post
    Thank you so much for your reply.

    The answer to your question is: NO.
    I don't think a month is enough for her to cool down. My best bet is to wait another month. In early October it will be her birthday and it will give me a good reason to write her or call her or even to see her. She will probably be cool and I will too (because obviously I have to calm down as well!).

    Also, to answer your second question: No she didn't reply to the "who needs reality" line.

    I'm actually looking for ideas for a long-term plan and your opinions about the right Mindset I should follow. If I'm not mistaking, this Freeze-Out session is good if she starts to feel like there is a lack of passion in her relationship with her BF. I'm passionate and she knows it oh so well after all these years
    Fine then we'll talk about this at the end of the month
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: I want my "hopeful romantic" HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    Fine then we'll talk about this at the end of the month
    Xavier,

    I have set myself on a strategy for next week.

    You asked me earlier if she'd had enough time to calm down after the highly emotional discussions we've had this summer. I told you that I would wait a little more before getting back into her life mostly to work on my own Mindset. I think I'm ready. Way more than I was just a week ago. Of course I would love to get any advice you can give 'cause I don't want to screw up with this one girl.

    Here's my current plan:
    I know it will sound creepy... but I believe in a theory called "Biorythm". Basically, it's a branch of astrology that believes we have ups and down during a given month (actually it's set on a 29-day lapse of time, just like women's menstrual cycle). A little like the moon cycle and how it affects the tides. I believe in this bullshit because when I compare my own emotional history with my biorythm, I'm always finding a perfect match. Anyway, based on her biorythm, next week will be the perfect time for me to do a move.

    What I want to do is to choose the day of the week with the best weather conditions and get to a park close to her job, then call her and ask her if she wants to share lunch with me (in the park).

    I would then use my body posture and my smile + eye contact to flirt with her while talking about our "possible" future. I'll do some light Kino and do the boyfriend destroyer routine you invented, but in my own personal way. finally, I will have a couple of plans for activities we could do together in the future and try to set a date + time when we could meet up and have fun.

    I know, this plan is full of weaknesses, that's why I need your input!

  6. #6
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want my "hopeful romantic" HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by ronthepen View Post
    Xavier,

    I have set myself on a strategy for next week.

    You asked me earlier if she'd had enough time to calm down after the highly emotional discussions we've had this summer. I told you that I would wait a little more before getting back into her life mostly to work on my own Mindset. I think I'm ready. Way more than I was just a week ago. Of course I would love to get any advice you can give 'cause I don't want to screw up with this one girl.

    Here's my current plan:
    I know it will sound creepy... but I believe in a theory called "Biorythm". Basically, it's a branch of astrology that believes we have ups and down during a given month (actually it's set on a 29-day lapse of time, just like women's menstrual cycle). A little like the moon cycle and how it affects the tides. I believe in this bullsh1t because when I compare my own emotional history with my biorythm, I'm always finding a perfect match. Anyway, based on her biorythm, next week will be the perfect time for me to do a move.

    What I want to do is to choose the day of the week with the best weather conditions and get to a park close to her job, then call her and ask her if she wants to share lunch with me (in the park).

    I would then use my body posture and my smile + eye contact to flirt with her while talking about our "possible" future. I'll do some light Kino and do the boyfriend destroyer routine you invented, but in my own personal way. finally, I will have a couple of plans for activities we could do together in the future and try to set a date + time when we could meet up and have fun.

    I know, this plan is full of weaknesses, that's why I need your input!
    -what if she says no what will u do then?
    -Don't talk about u're future together (u should talk subtaly about u as a bf when uare destroying though)
    -by light kino u should mean that u will only touch her in a comforting and protective way and not to turn her on
    -no it's not full of weaknesses
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  7. #7
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my "hopeful romantic" HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    -what if she says no what will u do then?
    If she says no because she doesn't want to see me, I'll ask her why... at least I will know how she feels.

    Seriously I doubt it will happen. She might say no if she's in a rush at work - in that case I'll just say it's cool and I will leave... then come back at the same time the next day and try again. If it was done in a funny way I think it could work.

    If she says no by saying something about her having a boyfriend, I'll ask her if her boyfriend decides who she can talk with. I'll convince her she has nothing to be afraid of.

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    -Don't talk about u're future together (u should talk subtaly about u as a bf when uare destroying though)
    Great advice thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    -by light Kino u should mean that u will only touch her in a comforting and protective way and not to turn her on
    Okay thanks. I admit I thought I should go a little further but I'll follow your advice and keep things comfortable only.

    Quote Originally Posted by xavier View Post
    -no it's not full of weaknesses
    I just wished I had some activities I could invite her to but the truth is that right now I don't. Anyway, I know she likes just to be hanging out in a park and talk, so it's not that bad of an idea. At first I wanted to plan a surprise picnic in the park but I later realized it would be too romantic and intense for our current situation.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    If she says no because she doesn't want to see me, I'll ask her why... at least I will know how she feels.

    Seriously I doubt it will happen. She might say no if she's in a rush at work - in that case I'll just say it's cool and I will leave... then come back at the same time the next day and try again. If it was done in a funny way I think it could work.

    If she says no by saying something about her having a boyfriend, I'll ask her if her boyfriend decides who she can talk with. I'll convince her she has nothing to be afraid of
    .
    -don't come back the next day wait a couple of days
    -okay good idea convincing her that her bf isn't responsable for her and who she's talking with i reccomend a yes ladder for that then as for convincing her that she has nothing to be afraid of do it u're own way.
    I just wished I had some activities I could invite her to but the truth is that right now I don't. Anyway, I know she likes just to be hanging out in a park and talk, so it's not that bad of an idea. At first I wanted to plan a surprise picnic in the park but I later realized it would be too romantic and intense for our current situation.
    take her out for coffe or something like that
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  9. #9
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    I recommend avoiding all astrological, romantic and mushy stuff from now on and concentrating on the fundamental principle of her being a woman and her wanting to choose the best male genes. Bring it way back from the dream fairy tale world into a scientific test tube you can control to the maximum. Simplfy everything down to the basic laws of attraction and 'choosing a mate'. Get rid of past high school clutter and cobwebs and act like you just met her to stimulate new emotions. Refurbish the relationship, design a new relationship - dont 'get it back'... 'Do it like they do on the discovery channel. Getting horny now'. Move forward and make it so irresistable she has to follow your ace genetic aptitude or remain stagnant with her current BF. He is sideways and you are up. Women want a man that makes them feel like a woman...be the man, you dont have to be a poet or feminine.

    As has been said before you have to be prepared to loose her to get her and seeing as you never truly had her you have nothing to loose. It is all or nothing at this stage of the game. No 'hoping' in the middle. It has to come down to win or loose. 16 years. If you hesitate or dwell in hope, or allow her to, you weaken your chances with nerves. If you give her too much (which you already have in a way) you can scare her away. However it also takes a huge amount of courage to write such a letter as you did and somewhere (if she is a romantic) along the line she has to concede that and may even really like it secretly. Assume she loved to read what you wrote but cannot react to it because of her current relationship. Don't apologise for what you did...if you wrote honestly how you feel. You are a good man and she cannot deny that. It's ok to be romantic. I am a romantic and screw many beautiful girls because of it. The key is 100% conviction and confidence and NO FEAR.

    But from here you need to pull all that confusion back into the chemistry lab of reality and work with known nuclear chemical reactions: boy meets girl. You cannot rely on your 16 year history or a kiss you had in high school. Simplify it down to position yourself NOW as the guy with the best genes possibly for her FUTURE. Of course having never lived with her or dated with her properly you also have to pull right back out from the microscope and ask yourself 'Is this truly who I want to be with???'. You don't know that because you have never been truly together. So remember yourself in all of this.

    Be realistic about what your own thoughts are. Is she REALLY the rainbow girl goddess of everything? Or just another pretty girl you missed chances with and are feeling regretful, lost or sentimental about? Especially seeing as you just ended a relationship yourself. Steady as she goes.

    Start planting seeds about how awesome you are. Love letters and revealing your heart is not going to cut it on the biological level. Are you happy? Are you fun? Are you successful? Are you going to be a good provider, protector and carer (good genes). To consider how you do that means recognising you never took the risk of dating her in the past. You are going to have to show with absolute conviction that she is the one you want (ie YOU are the one SHE wants), not that you bounce back to her taking the easy route because your ex broke off with you. Or recognising why the hell your ex broke off and got depressed? The Alpha should choose who ends the relationship (him). Not the reverse. The Alpha should have many girls desperately wanting to marry him, and being happy, not getting depressed or breaking it off. If a girl is breaking off with you, you are either beta or have simply chosen the wrong girl (also beta).

    You do not yet know how this high school sweetheart behaves in a relationship with you because you have not had it yet. So work from scratch again. The chemical reaction you are looking for is to be a calm, fun, successful, attractive guy. Do not overload her with an ultimatum choice between you and her LTR. You just need to be in touch. Make her laugh. Make her smile. Be there for her in inspiration (not friendzoned). Ignore this female crap about 'needing time'. Ive heard that so many times out of women I completely ignore it in this context. You had 16 years. What is she going to write a thesis on this? What are you going to wait in the corner twiddling your thumbs? There is no more time. You are not propositioning her. You are not demanding anything straight away. You are going to persistently be the knight in shining armor. The prize. You don't need a yes or no until you are together on an altar. You are just going to stay in touch and make her giggle. Occassionally say a touching (but not AFC or overly romantic) thing. You are not going to talk about other women or your past or your problems. You are not going to talk about anything risky. You are going to get her talking more. You are going to make dreams a reality. You are a man who concentrates on building a great future and incrementally she is going to have to take notice. You are the man who will make this world a better place.

    You could apply some BF destroyer techniques but I would start with just being the best example of yourself you can be. Showcase how farking good your genetics are through the odd subtle message or conversation. 'I got promoted, Im succeeding, I am healthy I will live long, I am strong, I will protect you, I am caring and the ultimate hunter. I make you laugh and feel safe. I am unique and there is no one else on the planet like me. I don't have a hairy back' haha. If she has been in a LTR with the other guy she may naturally start boyfriend busting by comparing you. Win by letting your enemy make mistakes. Allow her sentimental feelings to flourish rather than your own. She may start doubting her LTR naturally.

    Get back to the basics of having her interested in talking to you first. Develop that connection as strong as you can. Talk about anything other than dreamy ethemeral garbage. Make the connection a real connection - what your future is going to be, how far you have come and how well you are going to do. What you did today, what you are doing tomorrow, how creatively and adaptable you are. How great the restaurants are you visit. How much better you have become at cooking and how wonderful your concerts are. How awesome your future house, car and career is going to be, all the places you are going to travel, how great a father you will be etc. Do it subtly and slowly of course. Gauge her reaction as you go. Slowly start pulling her back to you. Get her wanting to come back to you. Get her biology to make the decision you are a better mate than her current one. Make her want to talk to and rely on you more than her current LTR without becoming friendzoned. Understand her position. Be strong and solid. Start leading from behind.

    If you can develop an atomic connection again with conversation you can start to try meet up in person with more intent. Find out intel on her LTR and blow that guy away with your superior offers of good times and happy days. Get her talking about your past rather than you bringing it up because you will only bring up the future and how awesome its going to be. If she starts doubting herself and her current LTR you are doing well. Remain calm and start to Kino escalate again. If you can't help being romantic say it is your destiny to be together and then kiss her - not as a question or dreamy possibility but with complete and utter belief. Ensure you start establishing a physical connection as it escalates. Step by step. If you can get a kiss going again at some point down the track, she will have to start dealing with feelings of guilt and commitment to her LTR and you have to ensure you are no longer making the mistakes of the past, you are going to be persistent and recognise it is all or nothing at this stage of life but at the same time you are not burdening her. Make it easy for her by remaining calm and easy going. If you can get it to the point of physical re-union (start with a kiss) you know you can take it further and likely she will have a lot of resistance and complexity to shift from her LTR to you. It's a risk, especially as you missed opportunities before or panned her off. You have to make that risk worth it for her. You cannot do that by proposing to her or anything like that but you cannot keep shifting in and out of her life or hesitating like the past. You have to be concrete, right in front of her, slowly inching her back to you. Pushing, pulling, ducking weaving, whatever it takes. Always remind yourself of the absolute chemistry basics: You are her sweetheart, she is chemically and emotionally attracted to you, she will not have forgotten those feelings, even if they are not as strong now than before. You are not the past, you are her future. Ignore some of the emotional garbage that will come out of her mouth and restrain yourself from being hopeless. You are giving her a final chance (not her giving you a chance) and it is not a quick chance but a direct and persistent one. Give it your best shot with 100% conviction because even if she cannot bring herself to leave the stability of her current LTR for you (it is a risk no matter how much of a sweetheart you once were), she will have to understand and concede that you were ready and 100% committed this time...and it is her that ultimately missed the opportunity.

  10. #10
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want my hopeful romantic HighSchool Sweetheart back after 16 years

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Give it your best shot with 100% conviction because even if she cannot bring herself to leave the stability of her current LTR for you (it is a risk no matter how much of a sweetheart you once were), she will have to understand and concede that you were ready and 100% committed this time...and it is her that ultimately missed the opportunity.
    Whoa!

    That was really inspiring, whitedragon.

    When I asked for help with this thread, I was hoping to read something like what you just wrote in order to get me in the right Mindset.

    You gave me so much material to study and to use, I'll need a few days to integrate it all!

    I really thought I had screwed up all of my chances after I gave her the love letter. I read your post and it gives me strength.

    I think Xavier gave me some great advice about what to do and what not to do when I am with her. You just gave me things to think about BEFORE I even see her again. You two are great teachers. I'll follow both of your ideas and when I'll get the girl, I hope you guys will know that I'll be grateful for your help forever!

    I believe that my current plan is good enough for a start, and that I'll keep things light and easy going, and only from there will I gauge her needs and plant some seeds. Like you said, I'll get back to the basics.

    Let me ask you something: Once you invited a girl for a coffee, then for a drink, then for another coffee and again for another drink... what else do you do to keep the relation alive?


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