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  1. #1
    theman1099 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    Okay guys...first post here - long time lurker though.

    I have a girl that I've known for a little while now. She and I "talked" a little the beginning of this summer and went out a few times, but turns out she had a guy that she was into at the time that she couldn't get over. So I pretty much cut off all communication with her to freeze her out.

    Long story short, they had some legal issues over the summer and now he's not allowed to go near her. So she's basically over him now, but she's putting up a wall now because she doesn't want to be hurt again or taken advantage of...I know this because she told me (we started communicating a little bit again recently via text).

    So I'm really wondering how to get around this? I know this is a deep emotional thing and there's no sure-fire way to get around it, but I guess I'm just looking for some good tips on how to make myself standout from other guys to her.

    I went to lunch with her today and it was good. We had a nice conversation and I maintained confident, sexual energy with lots of eye-contact and light Kino; however, I can tell there's still a wall that I wish I could just demolish honestly

    I really don't wanna be friend-zoned - because its definitely a possibility here since she is guarding her emotions so much currently.

    Sorry for the long post...and thanks in advance!

    MJ

  2. #2
    flyer1's Avatar
    flyer1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    Most of the time when girls put a wall up it's because they have been hurt in a similar situation, and since she just got out of a bad relationship she might just not be ready for a boyfriend and doesn’t want to get that close to someone. If it seems like she has the wall up only with you, I think it can be a pretty good sign that she is trying to communicate that she is not interested in a relationship. If it appears that she has a wall up with almost everyone, there is a good chance that she is intimidated by relationships in general and she may really want to go "deeper" with you, but just doesn't know how. If the latter is the case, just try asking more personal, caring questions to her and use (Kino) you may find out that she responds very positively.
    Give it time, and look for ways to make her feel safe enough, and also establish trust. Be patient and all will be good, yet in the meantime also date other girls because if it doesn’t work out or the time period for trust is too long you could become over invested in her, and then feel cheated, and end up just being friends.

  3. #3
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    Okay I'm not trying to be rude, I'm genuinly curios. Was that copy'd and pasted?
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  4. #4
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    Well you definitely want to sympathize with her. But DO NOT add to it. If you constantly allow her to absorb herself in her issues they just strengthen them.

    Focus on being her ESCAPE. Yes... if she decides to talk to you about it, that's fine, she's letting you in. But just be an ear, not a counselor. Ultimately you want her to forget her troubles when she is with you so she'll want to be around you more. Emotional states are contagious, so if you focus on positive feelings she will feel good every time she's around you, rather than be reminded of her emotional issues.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    flyer1's Avatar
    flyer1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    So why did you ask the question? But it's not copied and paste

  6. #6
    theman1099 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrone1991 View Post
    Okay I'm not trying to be rude, I'm genuinly curios. Was that copy'd and pasted?
    Yep!

    I posted it in this section first, but then I realized it may have been a better fit in the "Ask and Expert" category. So I just copied and pasted it to there.

    If that's not cool, its totally fine for a mod to delete it.
    I've already gotten my answer really.

  7. #7
    theman1099 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Well you definitely want to sympathize with her. But DO NOT add to it. If you constantly allow her to absorb herself in her issues they just strengthen them.

    Focus on being her ESCAPE. Yes... if she decides to talk to you about it, that's fine, she's letting you in. But just be an ear, not a counselor. Ultimately you want her to forget her troubles when she is with you so she'll want to be around you more. Emotional states are contagious, so if you focus on positive feelings she will feel good every time she's around you, rather than be reminded of her emotional issues.
    Best advice yet...thanks so much!

  8. #8
    IDGiaccobbie is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trouble with Girl - She's Putting Up a Wall

    This seems like it'd be a good time to build the rapport. Go into deeper conversation with her so that you establish that comfort and then she feels that she can try to go out on a limb again. Emotional scars sometimes cut pretty deep so this would be a good time to hold space for her and allow her to vent judgement free. Let her know that she is appreciated even in her fear


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