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Thread: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

  1. #1
    Strider is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Unhappy Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    I'm a pretty experienced P.U.A up until this point.

    I used to run a website myself even, my talent was getting the girl into the bedroom...and that was enough...until I met the girl who this particular tale is about.

    You need only know that I thought this girl was different, not just a One Night Stand. She's met my family and we've spent weekends together, having fun and making love.


    We've known each other for only 4 months now, in that period...she's been on holiday for 2 weeks, I was away on business for a week...then I was in L.A for a total of 6 weeks. While I was in L.A, she started University (college to the U.S)...2 hours train journey away from me.

    Throughout all this time of knowing her, a day didn't go by where we didn't talk...we were essentially a couple without the 'label' of boyfriend or girlfriend. Although, every time she ever brought up the subject of a relationship...I would side step that mother fucking question like a pro.

    The reason I did this, in my particular Mindset, I'm not even sure of.


    Now here we are, I haven't seen this girl in 9 weeks. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend. We still talk everyday and still support one another like we're in a relationship.

    Last Friday she was suppose to come down from University for the weekend to see me. On Thursday I get a phone call:

    "I did something really bad..."
    "What...?"
    "I slept with someone last night"

    Right. Fuck. I hung up. Deleted her off of Facebook and all that, it was over for me...until she rang me at midnight that night. She apologized and defended herself with the following:

    "We're not together, I never knew how much you cared about me until you just reacted like you did...I thought you'd be mad, but I didn't think this would be the end of it?? I even toyed with the thought of not telling you and coming down tomorrow like nothing happened, but I thought you had the right to know."

    Y'know what, fair enough...in L.A, I was intending to sleep with a girl, and my defense to myself was "I'm not in a relationship, she'll understand"...howeve r, it didn't actually happen. It never manifested. But the intention was there.

    So I'm sitting here thinking right now...

    She's coming down this Friday, we're going to chat and see if we still feel that initial buzz we did when we were together (The 9 weeks we've been apart have made us almost forget what that's like). Saturday we're going to her Mum's retirement party together.

    I'm more than ready to start from scratch, and maybe whack a label on what we are.

    But here's the kicker, every time I get a moment thought to myself. I picture this guys hands all over her. Did she enjoy it? Did he make her come like I did? Did she suck his fucking dick? Is his dick bigger than mine? Why would she feel the need to do that THE DAY BEFORE??

    These thoughts are consuming my every thought, and I need advice from you guys...will these thoughts ever go away?

    I still trust her, I still want to be with her...she didn't cheat on me (or did she, is what she did just a technicality?) But I just need to know if with time, these thoughts will be washed away because of how happy I know I'll be when I'm with her...or will they always be there, in the back of my mind?


    Signed,
    A confused, and slightly regrettable young PUA.

    Strider.

  2. #2
    Hopeful33's Avatar
    Hopeful33 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    this is the third time ive dated my gf. when we break up i know for a fact she did one other guy and messed around with another for awhile. the whole time she was telling me she loved me and acting like she really cares. i thought the same thing how can i be with someone that would say the loved me and have sex with another guy. it was in my mind all the time i couldnt get it out. i just actually gave up on her i didnt want to be with her any more. the thoughts went away because i didnt care any more i was trying to get other girls. they will leave your mind at sometime but it will be hard at first
    im on a different level

  3. #3
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    Ah Mate I feel your pain,

    There is no worse feeling than being cheated on. Its up to you what you do and its going to depend a lot on the kind of person you are.

    I hate to tell you this but labels are irrelevant! She knew it was cheating! you know it is cheating... the question is where do you go now and what do you want?

    Here's a little list of stuff to be thinking about:

    1) is she sorry? can you trust her? (she seems it)
    2) does she return the feelings that you have and with the same intensity? If you love her more than she loves you you need to get out of it... I've been there and it nearly killed me in the long run
    3) Can you let this go? If the above are satisfied then you need to be able to forgive her and never throw it in her face again no matter what. If you take her back that's the end of it... she doesn't get off free, you will be angry for a while but you can't constantly throw it back at her. If you can't let it go then let her go

    Hope this helps, nobody can make the decision for you just make sure the decision you reach is right for you!

    chin-up

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    I can tell you care about this chick, if you didn't then it wouldn't be on your mind so much. If you proceed with a relationship with her then yeah, it'll be on your mind for a while as lomg as you care about her - until you get to the point where you feel strongly enough for her that it won't matter anymore.

    Right now you're at the start: emotional investment is higher than your sense of security in the relationship (that's how every relationship starts btw) as you become more secure in the relationship (if you choose to persue it) these thoughts will diminish with time.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    Well this is a crappy situation but you cant blame her. Every time she asked you about making it official you dodged it. Not to say that you specifically caused her to do the awful deed and sleep with another guy but you didn't really give her a reason not to do it. After all you were planning on doing the same thing. The big thing here is she was mature and thoughtful enough to tell you what happened. She could of kept, quiet just like you probably would of done if you followed through and slept with another girl, but she didn't so you have to give her credit for that.

    To answer your question about the thoughts going away, that is completely up to you. No one can answer that for you because it's different from person to person. If you feel so strongly about this girl then I am sure you could find away to work through this.

    All you can really do is see how things go when you are together again. Good luck man let us know how it goes

  6. #6
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    It's a tough one man. But I mean, I think it works both way. As someone said before you NEVER made it exclusive even when she gave you the option to do so. I don't know, maybe I am too proud but I would just move on to the next pick up. I think the relationship won't be on even ground any more.

    Good luck regardless man, just remember you deserve the best. And only you know what 'best' is.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    Man there is alot of emotion here lol. Listen man:

    The fact is you were not together. Period. Some people say labels don't matter, THEY DO. It's a human need to put labels on everything. It's how we organize the chaos in our lives.

    I'm going to give you another way to think about this situation. When I date a woman and get really close to her, I tend to freak out a little. What I do is that I go and sleep with someone else to "balance me out." What usually happens is that it ends up making me want the original woman MORE because now I start comparing. Basically by me sleeping with someone else gave me perspective on my relationship with the woman I'm really feeling for.

    Who gives a shit about the other guy. Is he better looking? Muscular? More money? Bigger? I've went up against all of those and it DOES NOT MATTER. Burn into your mind that "every guy makes me look better" and you won't get jealous. Someone is always going to be bigger, muscular, have more money, etc. so as an experienced PUA you should know that it's the emotional impact that matters above all.

    Take it as a very good sign she told you. She could've just blown you off completely. Trust me

    P.S. And don't get any ideas about making things even by banging someone else before you become exclusive with her. It never works and is childish.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
    Strider is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    Thanks so much to every response on this thread.

    You guys are all the reason why I'm not ashamed of Pick-Up as a pass time.

    You've all given me different perspectives, which actually simplifies to me the fact there is no ONE answer on this.

    It's down to me.

  9. #9
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    I feel your pain here man, it's a horrible thing to do through. I haven't got anything to add in what you should do really, the guys have pretty much covered it. However have you ever noticed how sex with someone you care about is soooooo much better than with someone you don't? That's how I feel anyway, therefore if she cares about you as it seems she does then sex with this guy would have been nothing compared to what she's used to with you. This happened to me before when me and my ex were on a 'break' and that's how I got past it. Hope this helps

    Linking x

  10. #10
    Strider is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Possible Girlfriend SLEEPS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

    Quote Originally Posted by linking View Post
    I feel your pain here man, it's a horrible thing to do through. I haven't got anything to add in what you should do really, the guys have pretty much covered it. However have you ever noticed how sex with someone you care about is soooooo much better than with someone you don't? That's how I feel anyway, therefore if she cares about you as it seems she does then sex with this guy would have been nothing compared to what she's used to with you. This happened to me before when me and my ex were on a 'break' and that's how I got past it. Hope this helps

    Linking x

    That's one of the main points I'm trying to focus on.

    The big kicker is, she's the only girl I've ever had emotionally connected sex with, and you're right. It doesn't even compete with all the one-night stands combined.

    I think my pain boils down to 1 thing.

    A hurt ego.

    In my head, I'm a fucking god. I mean, that's what I tell myself when it comes to women...I have to come from that arrogant place in order to seduce. And it's worked wonders thus far.

    So the main thing that's eating away now is, why would she feel the need to do that...when she could fuck me anytime she wants? Multiple girls would cut off their pinky finger for a night with me. And this girl has seen me as almost...dispensable .


    Well that's my P.U.A mind talking anyway. In reality I've got super self esteem issues! haha!

    Any more advice about bruised egos, or ego in general would be hugely welcomed on this thread also
    x


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