Overcoming the Mid-Conversation Bump
The other day, I was walking along and listening to my Tyler Durden audio tapes as I usually do. At one point in my tape, I listened to something interesting that helped me to figure out one problem I have been having with attempting to get into a relationship with women. Since I found this to be incredibly insightful, I thought I would share this with the community here.
When we approach women, we find some that seem like they are attractive, but have many bad qualities. We also see girls with fantastic personalities, but just can't stand their annoying persistence over you. There's also the many other kinds of women that fall into our stereotypical categories. Generic, to simply put it.
And then, there are the perfect matches.
These are the girls that feel like they are truly the one out of a million, the women who are not only physically beautiful in our own eyes, but who also have all the qualities we search for in a woman.
Of course, at first we don't realize this woman is our perfect match. We only recognize her physical attractiveness, and thus decide to approach her. When the conversation goes well, things continue. You continue to see each other, chat, and do all sorts of other things.
Eventually, however, we get to the point where things look so good, a new thought clicks in. This is the thought of success, that we can actually get the girl that we want to get. Although seemingly positive, this reversion of thought is far more destructive than productive.
When we discover that this girl could be ours, all of a sudden we dump our previous cool and principles to close the gap on her. When she doesn't respond for a while or show up to a planned date, we begin to believe that she is growing bored of us and moving on. Thus, we try harder. Like springing on a rabbit only to let it get away, she becomes scared and begins to try as hard as she can to push you away.
Thus, in the end, we walk away with a reputation of someone who is desperate and deprived rather than someone who is able to pursue whoever he wants.
I have had this happen to me many times over. When I thought I could close things on that special lady, all of a sudden I began to over-calculate, and in the end it killed me. I eventually saw that this was a problem before I began to self-educate myself in being a pickup artist. However, I never knew how to solve the problem at hand. All I knew was that it seemed like every time something good was about to happen to me, it blew up in my face.
Here goes the mentality that I have now grown to adopt when this situation ever comes about:
When that special women leaves you and moves on, whether it be in a day, a month, a year, or never, she is going to potentially go on to another mate. When this happens, they are going to go to the same restaurants you ate at, exchange the same gifts you exchanged, make out on the same couch that you did.
The pain of this mentality is that all of this is happening with a guy that basically is not you. Any extreme effort you put in will all be in vain, well actually it won't. If you buy her a fancy dress, she's going to use it to impress some other guy and get at him, so you'll help her out in some sort of way that is only detrimental to you. I don't think anyone here would ever want to do something for them that would never benefit their cause.
It is through the pain of this mentality though that can benefit in our greatest strength. As long as we can maintain this belief, it is near impossible for the illusion of closure to fall over us. It is true that this would be difficult to maintain. We would want to always convince ourselves through pre-relationships, dating, and even marriage that our special someone could leave us. Through the thick and thin of it, we must remember this:
A special someone is still a someone. A someone is just another person in 6 billion. 6 billion is a very positive number with many opportunities and odds for all of us.
I hope anyone reading this has found this to be insightful or useful. If anyone else has other ways by which they overcome this unusual emotional phenomena, I would love to hear your thoughts and expand my insight on the matter.
"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X