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Thread: Make HER chase YOU

  1. #1
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Make HER chase YOU

    If you're the one doing all the chasing, then you're the one making all the investments.
    You come off as being needy...

    BUT... when the girl is chasing you then SHE is making investments... which will create value.

    Girls want to feel like you're worthwhile, so when they have to put in some effort, they're going to try harder to be with you.

    Anything worthwhile takes effort... it's going to be a bit challenging.

    I STILL do things to make my Fiancee chase me.
    That keeps her interested.

    YES, when you're in a committed relationship, you still have to "play the game".

    Sometimes I'll notice that she acts less interested in me, and that's when I realize I'm doing too much, as far as "chasing her" goes.

    So, I'll back off a bit & show her negative body language. (sit further away from her; face away from her; not touch her as much.... almost like I'm being slightly distant.)

    When that happens, it triggers an emotional response in her, because it's not like my usual self... and it causes her to start chasing me & making more investments again.

    Sounds kinda cruel right? But it's not.
    It's a psychological principle that works with MANY situations.

    The more someone puts into something, the more value it has to them. The harder they have to work at something, the more important it's going to be to them. (Including relationships).

    It's important to keep doing the little things you did when you first met a girl... (Flirting/teasing/bantering/building attraction).

    Don't be needy or clingy. Don't be afraid to take a step back & let her "chase you / come to you" at times.
    It's part of relationship balance.

    If a girl thinks you're gonna work your ass off & bend over backwards for her with everything, she's gonna get bored with you. You're going to be the "beta male".

    I'm NOT saying you should be an arrogant jerk. I'm not saying you should be domineering...

    I AM saying, you need to be Alpha... be confident & show dominance.
    Don't be pushy OR a push-over. Have your own opinions & interests.

    Now, when you DO have her chasing you, be sure to reward her with positive attention & reactions. Otherwise she'll get tired of chasing you altogether & you'll screw it up & lose her.

    So when she starts hanging on you, touching you, kissing you, etc.. do NOT ignore her. Show her affection by reciprocating the same actions. This will make her more likely to initiate physical & intimate contact more frequently.

    (WIN!!!)

    It's really simple, so don't over-think it.
    Don't give too much... but at the same time, don't give too little.



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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    I'm noticing the same things with my current LTR. I still do a lot of the same things. (Although there is plenty more disagreeing now lol) But I never forget that I have to put myself first so I don't accidently do things that show I'm kissing her ass. Works great. It's the simple fact that how do you expect someone to value you, if you don't value you.

    You're right. Some guys just act like douches and don't let up. Like telling her mushy gushy sweet things is beta. It's only beta when you OVERDO it! Like you said.

    How can a man expect a woman to stick around when you don't even say she's beautiful at least once a week. (Sometimes I go two weeks lol. Other times 3-4 days in a row.) It's about investment. Rewarding her. And valuing yourself.

    Remember a while ago when we had a conversation about anger, T-Mal? I think I've finally got it and will write a post on it soon. How do you and your fiancÚ usually handle disagreements or arguments?
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    Well put!
    And yeah, I remember that convo about anger.

    It's soooo different with me & my Fiancee, than it was with me & my ex.

    Back in the day, (with my ex) it would always end up in a big blow-up fight.

    Now, I'm fortunate enough to have someone who communicates well, and early on. It decreases the chances of things building up until someone snaps.

    We really don't have "arguments" because of the early communication.

    Sure, we have issues that come up... but I've learned that if I'm able to control my emotions & address the situation, instead of making it personal, then things can be worked through much more easily.

    I've also learned that I have to project a willingness to leave if things get out of hand.
    That shows NON-neediness & confidence.

    I'm not saying a guy should threaten to end a relationship because things aren't running smoothly... I mean, the girl should understand that respect is vitally important; even in the times of "disagreements". (So should the guy!!)

    So, if there's a lack of respect, then I'm willing to walk... as hard as it may be.

    The potential fear of "loss" will make people choose their words & actions/reaction more carefully. In turn, that leads to more effective communication.



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  4. #4
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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    Well mine is definitely more volatile lol. With up and down emotions and the roller coaster (mostly because of her. But sometimes she has good reasons to be). It really helps me understand how to handle really stressful situations where there is a lot of drama. Hopefully it calms down, but it has helped me understand a lot of things when it comes to those "blowing up" scenarios. I think it will help a lot of guys. Not all of us find a calm woman who can communicate easily

    P.S. I do like the passion though
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    I realized that most of the drama in my prior relationship could have easily been diffused if I would have chosen to react differently.

    Because ultimately, how we react IS a "choice".

    Sure, our emotions are going to cause us to FEEL a certain way... but by taking 20 minutes to calm down & recollect ourselves, we can approach it much better.

    That allows us to concentrate on the issue, rather than our feelings.

    It's totally OK to be pissed off & angry... but it's up to us to control the frame AND our emotions.

    Yeah, it's easier said than done...
    But when you're able to calmly address the problem based on situational facts, the outcome is going to be a lot different than if you let your emotions dictate how you act/react.

    I had to accept the fact that I was equally guilty of contributing to the fights I had with my ex.

    I also realize that I have to choose my battles. (Some things aren't worth fighting over) & it's sometimes better to "bow out" gracefully, rather than to insist on proving your own point.

    Remaining in control, even when things are tough, can also cause a girl to chase you more.
    Because, when you express an unwillingness to get sucked into drama, it will trigger a subconscious emotional reaction in her that also builds attraction.

    When a girl feels like you're strong enough to maintain your composure in difficult times, she's going to think to herself: "Wow! I can count on this guy to be there for me!!"

    It expresses Alpha confidence & strength... which gives her a feeling of security.

    Sometimes a girl will get pissed that you refuse to "fight" with her... but don't buckle! Don't cave in no matter how hard she tries to draw you into an argument / pissing match!

    Standing your ground & remaining calm will have a much more positive effect.


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  6. #6
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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    Exactly. You definitely have to pick your battles. And she does feel more comfortable if she knows you can handle yourself in a disagreement. Also that you have to be ok with not agreeing on everything. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and views and everyone wants to be "right." To prove their point.

    There is one little thing I've noticed. Sometimes...she wants you to lose it. That she doesn't always want you to be so controlled. This may seem strange at first, but sometimes she will actually want you to raise your voice and get frustrated. It lets her know she has an affect on you. And we all like to have that feeling. There's a bit more to it, but it's something I'm discovering. And it's very interesting. As long as we don't ALWAYS lose our cool lol.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    Yep!

    A girl will respect you for being a man & standing up for yourself... even expressing SOME disappointment, or disapproval.

    But it's all about maintaining a healthy balance & NOT completely losing your cool & having an emotional meltdown.

    As men, WE have the ability to make girls chase us... or for US to chase them away completely.

    We can't be emotionless robots... but we also can't react over-emotionally. (That's the GIRL'S privilege, not ours)


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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    This is similar to how a couple shouldn't always be around each other 24/7, right? Like you should have interests and other things besides just being around your boy/girl friend all the time.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    I miss this feeling of having girls chase after you. I had this girl who knew everyone in my social circle and for a while she was everywhere I meet with them. Kind of wierd but meh, did my bidness and backed off. I need that feeling again :>

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Make HER chase YOU

    I've learned that once you have a girl's interest & you've also been reciprocating interest in her, you can keep her chasing you by pulling back a little bit every now & then.

    People do this all the time without realizing it, just because of life in general.
    We get busy with work, or projects, or stress... and we end up being slightly more reclusive so to speak.

    This causes other people to pay more attention us by checking up on us, or initiating contact to keep in touch..etc.

    The same goes with relationships.

    When you normally give a certain amount of attention, & then suddenly decrease the amount, the girl is going to notice!

    So she'll start making more of an effort to get YOUR attention to satisfy her emotional needs. (as well as physical needs)



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