Hey guys so I could really use some advice on this girl who I was involved with for a while last semester. This is the second time this has happened to me but we were f-buddies even though she had a boyfriend (same as last time, this new girl didnt tell me). She ended up dumping him for me and I kind of ruined my chance because I pushed her too far away. Our mutual friends all kind of hate me because they feel like I ruined her relationship and didnt care even though I did. I didnt know if I could pull the trigger and actually date her because I didnt want to have to go through all of the bs of worrying if I could trust her (as I had to do with the previous girl that this happened with. If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you). But it turns out that I still do care about her... but before I could ask her out, she started dating another guy. I cut contact with her for a month and she and I and our friends went on holiday in rome two weeks ago and this is where I really farked up bad. I got black out drunk most of the nights we were there because she wouldnt shut up about her bf. I was aggressive and verbally abusive towards her and we basically went the entire week trying to make each other as bitter/jealous/angry as possible. When she would talk about her boyfriend I would bring up the girl I was bringing home from the bar the other night. Yes it was childish but thats just the way it happened because of my drinking. I found out from her best friend however that she was retaliating to the same extent to which I was provoking because she was mad at the same thing I was: because we both hated the fact that we werent together which I picked up on becaue when I wasnt drinking, she was showing me some major IOIs. The other day when we got back to the states I did something I never thought I would ever do and apologized. I did feel like a pure dbag because of how I treated her when we were in rome. She told me that I never cared about her and I didnt respond. When she followed up asking if I did care I just responded yes. She told me that she already broke up with her boyfriend once because of me and she would never consider doing it again. I told her it was fine. I also told her that I was not going to interfere between her and her relationship but that I was not going to wait for her. I got up from the table and just said that if we were both single at some point in the future I would like to take her to dinner and walked away. I figured that I accomplished my goal of letting her know I wanted to date her but that I wasnt going to put her on a pedistal. I know that at least part of her is still attracted to me even though part of her also hates me. I really like this girl and she is actual wife material but again, I jacked my initial chances up pretty good. It seems kind of crazy to still be going after this girl but I am doing it because we had a deep emotional connection since we've both been through a lot of really hard things in our lives that we would have never told anyone else. I dont really have a plan except for nc until she contacts me first... I could really use some advice on what I should do next though
Sorry for the long post and cheers for any advice.