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Thread: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

  1. #1
    monkeh87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    Hey chaps,

    I searched but couldn't find much information on this subject... What kind of tactics should be employed to turn a casual sex partner into something more serious?

    I've been seeing this girl for the last month, we were getting very close (met her parents, got massive indicators she wanted a relationship and of course sex) and then she goes cold turkey on me for a week. We met up yesterday for some lunch and ended up coming back to mine where we had sex, after which I asked her where she sees our relationship going. She said that she is scared of being "enclosed" in a relationship at the moment and stressing about her upcoming university exams, but enjoys spending time with me. She also likes the fact I don't just want sex out of her. She said she'd like to just keep our relationship casual as it is now. I asked her how she'd feel if she saw me dating another girl and she said that she would feel a bit sad but she would be okay. I'm not sure how I'd feel if she did the same though.

    Now I'd really like to turn this into more of an exclusive relationship as I've started to get feelings for her and I'm looking for more than sex at the moment.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation and can give me a bit of advice on how to go about turning this relationship into something more serious? I know most guys would love to be in this situation!

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    OhSnap is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    If you look at most of today's relationship, they don't last long. What most people do is get to meet a girl, talk to them, go out with them to have access to sex then ditch them or they stay with them but start to get annoyed by them but don't want to sound like a jerk by ditching them. This is what most relationships look to me now a day, I'm sure you can relate.

    Now in your situation, you're putting the fun in front of the relation. You're having sex, hanging out and having fun (I believe). You asked her how is this going and she told you she's stressed, you might think she's not interested but a girl you have sex with introduces you to her parents isn't just a fuck buddy. She might want more but at the moment doesn't feel ready for what ever reason. All you can do basicly is say ''I understand'' and not pressure her on it. That way you keep the relationship intact.

    What I would do is lean back and chill with her still. Go clubbing, have sex, until she gets comfortable enough to be with me. Only time will tell. If you bring this converstation up too much I'm sure she'll feel pressure and just get you out of the way.

  3. #3
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    topgunningit is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    I was offered this position many times. I refuse. I did this once in college and never again.

    Friends with benefits is bull$sh!t. Mature people dont do those silly things. Sex is an emotional tie and eventually someone will catch feelings.

    If you want to go from being a live dildo to being her ray of sunshine then you need to slow down on the sex and do fun activities with her. Like donating your time building houses for the poor or something. Something that involves activities other than liquor, sex, and nothingness.

    I hope that helps
    ------------------------------------

  4. #4
    monkeh87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    Thanks guys, invaluable advice!

    So I have barely spoke to her since I saw her as detailed in the first post and have been busy dating other girls to keep my options open. However I'd still like to pursue this girl while I continue dating others.

    I took a step back and didn't contact her until 6 days after we saw each other last, I was trying to get her to chase me and initiate contact first but she never did. When I saw her last we kinda arranged to see each other last Wednesday so I sent her a text the day before asking if she's still cool to meet up, however she said she completely forgot and couldn't make it as she was out of town. I didn't bother asking when she could meet next as I thought this would be a bit beta, am I right in thinking this? I'm really trying to freeze her out at the moment and haven't contacted her since Tuesday now but it doesn't seem to be working, she's not biting!

    Do you guys think I should just go for it and ask her what her schedule's like for the next few days and go from there? Or sit it out and wait until she contacts me?

    Thank's for your help!

  5. #5
    Amsu13 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    You have to accept n pay attention to the words being said.... which is I don't want to be enclosed.... If you care about her give it time but definitely don't inquire about it again continue to see her but a lil time for her away from you shud pull her to you our the truth will show that your relationship is exactly what it is.

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    You need to pour the attraction thing really thick.She knows you want her so she can play safe for now.the fact that you have been sleeping together for long doesn't mean anything.hell you can easily snap out if it.

    when you ask or agree to meet up with a woman never text her or ask her if shes cool to meet up.you need to give her place and time,where you will meet each other and agree.in other words have a plan.Lead!!

    Your girl likes you but is playing games you need to add more options and avoid trying to push too hard for a relationship.just become the attractive guy in her life currently you are but there are loopholes.At least you can escalate to sex from what you posted here.Don't let her hold you down if she aint ready.Goodluck

  7. #7
    monkeh87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    She's the kind of girl that has no problem getting guys, so perhaps Freezing Her Out would give her ego a bit of a kick and make her wonder why I'm not contacting her. What do you think of that? She said people always get too attached to her and even has a stalker, lol.
    Right now I'm just trying to date her again but don't want to seem needy and don't want her to think I can be at her beck and call whenever she want's sex.

    These types of girls know they're hot and get way too comfortable, they need to be brought down a peg or two, but how?

  8. #8
    Tesla is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    Hey man, I was in the exact same situation about a year ago. I was only 17 and had a FWB relationship with a 20 year old Tilted Kilt girl... Lol.

    Make sure, if you do the Freeze Out, that it isn't too intense! Obviously she can get any guy she wants, and if she only wants some casual sex, you may find yourself replaced. Make sure she knows that you're there for her and that you're not going to be needy in any way, but don't quit her entirely.

  9. #9
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by monkeh87 View Post
    She's the kind of girl that has no problem getting guys, so perhaps Freezing Her Out would give her ego a bit of a kick and make her wonder why I'm not contacting her. What do you think of that? She said people always get too attached to her and even has a stalker, lol.
    Right now I'm just trying to date her again but don't want to seem needy and don't want her to think I can be at her beck and call whenever she want's sex.

    These types of girls know they're hot and get way too comfortable, they need to be brought down a peg or two, but how?
    All you said may definitely work but the bit that caught my attention was when you said boys always get attached to her.is she trying to say that boys get attached to her because of sex or emotions.

    your girl seems to be the type who doesn't see sex as anything.there are men and women like that and it not really a bad thing depending on what you are looking out for.

    A Freeze Out will be good but in this case we want the girls full attention, and even if her attention is gotten she may still be seeing other guys.remember the stalker i bet he may have once got strong ios.

    if in your open relationship you can have affairs(has been communicated) with other people start telling her about your romantic escapades.if not innocently tell her stories that show you have women in your life.make it humorous and fun sometimes winning and other times loosing but winning(like i told a girl i'll call her and i couldn't cause i had network problems,and she text-ed you saying she will burn your head).

    Deep down even if she like you which we all know she kinda does she may think you have deep feelings because of sex.you should take her out and do activities without sex, to the point of denying her sex and taking her out sometimes(do that sparingly).

    lastly begin seeing her less as you said but don't take it too far.the best is to start having it with other girls, especially hot ones.this will limit the number of times you communicate.hence building your already made value in her eyes.

  10. #10
    monkeh87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friend with benefits into a girlfriend?

    Thanks Guys!

    I'd agree with you there, she is the type of girl where sex is not tied to her emotions and I'm sure I'm not the only one that she has eaten up in a similar way.
    She talked of how annoying this stalker is and it sounded like he was massively emotionally attached by the way he was texting her, as a result of her actions I'm sure. I was getting attached to her, as would anyone if they got the ioi's she was giving, but now I'm dating other girls I see her as more of a challenge than anything more.

    I am thinking of texting her tomorrow and be really alpha about picking her up on Wednesday at a specific time, making it sound fun of course. She should be able to tell by my lack of contacting her lately that I am not emotionally attached like other guys, which I believe acts in my favour in this particular case.

    Sound like a plan?

    Cheers


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