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Thread: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

  1. #1
    the_oc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    Ok so just to give you some background: Met this girl at college, (she's in my class) I liked her, but I had overheard her saying she has a boyfriend. Although my knowledge of pua techniques was very limited at that stage, I made a plan to seduce her and systematically followed it through.

    Busted/teased her a lot, used cocky comedy, that got her laughing and hanging around me all the time. She asked what I was doing at lunch time and if she could tag along with me. I flirted, went on to build rapport then I kissed her. She responded very well, to the point that she came back to mine after college and we did the deed. I love it when a plan comes together

    We slept together on another two occasions over the course of about 2 months. It's been few and far between cause she has a busy schedule in the week and is generally not available at weekends due to having a bf.

    Now she has never cheated on him before and she's conflicted about it. She has told me a couple of times that I have made her life very complicated. She has also been kind of awkward since we first had sex, which I find challenging, seeing as though we have to spend 2 days a week together at college and there are many situations where it is just the two of us sitting over coffee/lunch and there have been quite a few awkward silences. My text game has been good though and up until recently she was texting me all the time.

    Anyway, to finally get to the point, I just got back, having been on holiday for a month. She texted me several times while I was away and I really took my time to respond. I thought I was in control, but something has changed. She didn't seem too excited about me arriving back in the country. When I asked what she was up to she had no problem telling me she was going out with her bf and staying over at his place (made me jealous,but I never show it)

    Later that night, probably just before she met up with the bf, I got this text from her:

    "I don't think we should do this anymore. Don't get me wrong, I like being friends with you a lot and I don't want that to change. But I don't think we should see each other as more... I want us to still to be friends and hang out in college etc. Maybe even go for a few drinks but idk if I can carry-on seeing you as more. Maybe its cause I'm slightly drunk or whatever, but it's just my opinion. You can input on the situation if you think anything else of it?"

    So obviously on first reading this I thought it was the dreaded "let's just be friends" routine and a death sentence for the sexual relationship. However, on second reading I noticed her last sentence asking for my input. To my mind it comes across like she's half-hearted about calling time on what we've been doing. Maybe some kind of test to bring out my feelings for her? Getting me to fight for her perhaps?

    Anyway, I sent her back a text saying that I would rather we carry on what we've been doing, but I wasn't needy about it. Told her I can handle it if she decides to call things off. I also asked if breaking it off with me is what she wants or what she thinks she should do. It elicited this response from her:

    "It's what I think I should do. Not what I want. I like spending time with you. I like that you want to do stuff, etc. It's just difficult. I don't want it to change, I just want it to stop being majorly awkward between us. But yeah I'm in a relationship and that makes it more awkward, but if we can both deal with that then it should be ok I guess."

    So she has essentially just agreed to carry-on sleeping with me. That was yesterday. I haven't heard from her at all today and I haven't contacted her as I'm planning my next move. It's a volatile situation and I suspect there is still a danger of her pulling the old LJBF routine on me. How do I avoid this? I ultimately want her to be my gf. I've been trying to build more comfort lately, but I'm thinking I should revert back to the attraction stage and go in heavy with the c + f again? Maybe work some subtle bf destroyers into the convo? Anything else I can do? Any advice would really be appreciated. And I appreciate if you read this entire post

  2. #2
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    She's obviously attracted to you. No doubt about that.

    However... really can't see why do guys keep wanting to fuck girls who already have a boyfriend. Are you trying to prove something to the world?

  3. #3
    the_oc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    Thanks for the feedback. No, I really don't feel like a big shot because she's cheating on her bf with me. Actually I'm at the stage where I find it somewhat inconvenient that she has a bf and I'm sick of hearing about him. (again, I don't show it)

    The reason I don't have any moral issues about this is that it's not like she's married to this guy. They don't live together, so I don't see why she shouldn't be with me instead of him. She's been with him a couple of years, all her friends know him, her parents are friends with his parents, etc. So he's like a fixture in her life and breaking up with him is going to be inconvenient. But I think she deserves better than to be stuck with some guy out of a sense of duty.

  4. #4
    manunited000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    100% correct man. Start working in the boyfriend destroyers. And I support you going after this chick- if she's worth your time to pursue, she deserves better than the beta she's dating. You're doing her a favour!
    Nova

    "It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can be hit and keep moving forward"

  5. #5
    the_oc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    Quote Originally Posted by manunited000 View Post
    100% correct man. Start working in the boyfriend destroyers. And I support you going after this chick- if she's worth your time to pursue, she deserves better than the beta she's dating. You're doing her a favour!
    Thanks dude. You just summed up my feelings about this situation very well.

    So far I've tried to get her to disqualify her bf on two occasions and it seemed pretty effective both times. Not sure if I should have gone a bit further, asked more questions or whatever, but I figure if in doubt, say less. The first time was talking to her face to face. She brought him up and I said something along the lines of "your boyfriend is probably a nicer guy than me" to which she gave a mumbled reply "not really".

    The 2nd time was by text. I was basically saying that I know it's not really going anywhere between me and her and it seems like she and her boyfriend are forever. She replied "I don't think in terms of forever with my bf"

    I'm a bit stuck for other ideas at the moment. Any suggestions?

  6. #6
    the_oc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    Not sure what my next move should be. I'm going to be back at college the week after next. My instinct is to just wait till then to see her and not make contact in between. On the other hand, the last couple of times we've been out, it was her that asked me out.. She said a while back that she wants me to arrange something for a change.

    However, anytime I have suggested something she has made some excuse. Talk about mixed messages. I'd like to say I'm doing something on a specific day/night and tell her to come along. I don't want to be vague and say "how about doing something someday this week, or weekend" because then I will just sound like I've got nothing else to do. But I don't want my position to be weakened by her knocking me back again.

    So here's my plan: Go quiet on her for the next week, see her at college, treat her just like a male friend, act confident, flirt with other girls, etc.. Wait for her to ask me out again, turn her down.. Then just when she thinks she's losing me, tell her we're doing something the next weekend or whenever? Does this sound like a half decent plan to you guys?

  7. #7
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    Quote Originally Posted by the_oc View Post
    Thanks for the feedback. No, I really don't feel like a big shot because she's cheating on her bf with me. Actually I'm at the stage where I find it somewhat inconvenient that she has a bf and I'm sick of hearing about him. (again, I don't show it)

    The reason I don't have any moral issues about this is that it's not like she's married to this guy. They don't live together, so I don't see why she shouldn't be with me instead of him. She's been with him a couple of years, all her friends know him, her parents are friends with his parents, etc. So he's like a fixture in her life and breaking up with him is going to be inconvenient. But I think she deserves better than to be stuck with some guy out of a sense of duty.
    Just because you got her attraction and her little thing, it doesn't make you less beta than the guy.

    One of the major traits of an alpha guy, or, if you prefer, a PUA, is to follow his code of honor. Every code of honor, at least a good one, is all about not fucking around with other people lives, mainly when they did nothing wrong with you. It doesn't matter what is he like, you're just messing with 2 people for your own fun, that's just sad, poor inner game. Means you don't think of abundance.

    Clearly you're not doing any of this, you're as beta as her boyfriend, the only difference being the reasons.

    But hey, do whatever you want, just hope nobody does to you what you did

  8. #8
    the_oc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one lenric. I think my reasoning is sound here. But I appreciate that you're trying to help, so thanks.

  9. #9
    BearScoob is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    My two cents on this is this might be her MO. You said she has never cheated on him....of course she is going to say that. She slept with you VERY quickly ( not that you dont have game but a girl who has never cheated doesnt jump on a guy that quick, that often, and she put up almost zero fight when she put up resistance a few montsh later).

    In my eyes, shes playing you. This is that " i am so innocent" girl who plays that card to get what she wants ( a bf and a fuck buddy). Go for it if you want, just dont be suprised when she cheats on you.

    If you really want to her to be your gf, you need to do some pushing yourself. Freeze her out when she starts complaining about her relationship, when she comes back to you explain that you want more than whats going on.

  10. #10
    FunDanceMan is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In danger of LJBF -How to avert disaster?

    Bear your words hit me.

    Im in a very similar situation. It feels like she is enjoying playing the field while having a bf.

    OC whats the latest?


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