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  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Can't figure her out - mixed signals

    Hey guys,

    I have been receiving mixed signal from this HB and I do not know where I stand with her.

    So, she's basically a colleague that I have known for 2 years now. Initially, I thought nothing of her and flirting was out of the question since we worked at the same place and given she also had a bf.

    Then, with time, we got to know each other really well. I started telling her about my (mis)adventures with girls and she started telling me how she had doubts about her bf being the right one for her. Actually, she has been going on about this almost since we met, and I am surprised she's still with him.

    Anyway, we have been hanging out more and more lately, to the point that she prefers my company to that of her bf's. To be frank, we really spend a lot of time together: we eat together, we walk back home together, we go to the park together, we go to meetups together, etc.

    Now, I kept doing my thing and meeting other girls (most of them were weirdos however and I still remain single). She has been encouraging me in my endeavours and has even went as far as to cancel an activity we had planned, so that I may date some girl. On her part, she also secretly dated some guy a couple of times but stopped seeing him after he tried to kiss her.

    Lately, the number of signals suddenly increased: she started bragging about how latvian girls are the best (she's latvian of course, duh), she took an interest in learning more about my country and language, she comes to see me in my office every 30 mins for no good reason; even though I am busy at times, she brings her own paperwork and quietly works on a corner of my desk because "my office has good vibes" and makes her feel comfortable, she kinda stares at me in admiration when I talk...

    Moreover, it seems like she cannot get enough of me as she calls me every saturday and sunday. She even went back to her country for 1 week and couldn't prevent herself from calling me. It was then my turn to leave for holidays and*kept saying that she will miss me and how lonely she will be without me, etc. She seemed genuinely upset. She was also upset when I increased my dating activity some months ago and told me that I don't spend much time with her anymore.

    I have done absolutely nothing to solicit her attention or flirt with her. She just keeps running after me on her own. She even tries to imitate me and take on my hobbies.

    So, she either digs me but cannot accept her feelings, or I am just some type of emotional support that helps get some validation (she always comes to my office to show me her new clothes or accessories, and I act indifferent of course...). Things*are really not going well with her bf. i saw them together last and she barely kisses him on the cheek (not his lips). The guy is also kind of a douche and I could tell she was ashamed of his behaviour (she even texted me 30 secs after we parted ways to apologise). She keeps saying she must dump him, she's not afraid to be alone, etc. Yet, she doesn't do a thing. She even felt guilty after dating that other guy and retuned to her bf asap.

    I tried a light version of the boyfriend destroyer technique on her and it kinda works as she kept criticising him even more. Now, I don't know if I could turn that to my advantage. I have to be careful though because her guy is a huge tough guy, and she also is a co-worker.

    Despite her indecisiveness, she's a sweet girl and has plenty of things in common with me (same ambitions, same vision of life, etc.). I have never managed to reach that level of connection with the other girls i have met and I would have definitely asked her out if she was single. Simply put, we are a good match and other people seem to think so too. *Many mistake us for a couple and some of her friends seem to suggest her to dump her bf and go out with me instead.

    So, have you guys had any similar experiences. What do you think of that HB's feelings towards me? I just want to know where I stand as I do not want to waste my time. Why is she staying with her dude? Either I am misinterpreting things or she is not even aware of her own feelings.

    Thanks in advance for any tips!
    Cheers

  2. #2
    redgibbon is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Can't figure her out - mixed signals

    mate theres two ways you could look at this, you could sort it out ASAP in order to protect your feelings (say for example if she does just want to be friends). Or you could string it out and potentially let the Tension build. The fact of the matter is that she is in a relationship and she has to learn that she cannot have her BF and you aswell, she ultimately must pick. I think you somehow have to make this clear to her. If im honest, it does sound like you too are good friends and maybe at the moment you are in the friendzone but things can change. If you really like her I would keep the flirting, but appear less available, for example if she calls on the weekend (everyweekend) miss a day out and don't answer, dont tell her about your dating experiences, tell her that you had a mad night out with your mates. Eventually when you become a scarcity, she will have to choose between pursuing you and her BF, and i think that you would be her prefered choice.

    At the end of the day, you cannot stay in this situation because it takes the piss out of your manhood. Your not here for emotional support (as much as you like her, and im sure your a nice guy) your here to give her the beans haha.

    Overall mate although im sure she is a nice girl, i think she is being selfish, I would reccomend seriously seeing and meeting other people so that she in the end becomes less important to you. Dont talk to her about your dating experiences etc, keep it a mystery. Instead you can flirt with her but talk about bloke stuff. Be a man and not a friend. You dont want to be her friend, you want to be her man. Best of luck mate let us know how it goes

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Can't figure her out - mixed signals

    Thanks mate! You've got some good advice here
    It's good to get the opinion of third parties to get things straight in your mind.

    As a matter of fact, I also think that I am in the friend-zone for now (and that's where I intended to put myself in initially). But then came all the weird IOIs which confused me a bit.

    We do tease a lot each other and I can assure you that she loves it!
    I came out of a LTR a couple years ago and I had lost the habit of gaming and acting flirty. Yet, she was perfect practice material and I could do all sorts of things with her without being anxious about the end result as I knew she was taken and off-limits. I also managed to get back my confidence and comfort when talking to girls.

    One clue that I am in the FZ is that she recently asked me if I had any guy friends to introduce her to. Another clue is that she has been looking at other guys in the street or at meetups, so it's like she doesn't see me as a sexual threat. On the other hand, she has been keeping me for herself and never introduced me to her female single friends (what a b*****, lol).

    As you suggest, I also thought of progressively ejecting her out of my life as she can only be a source of trouble for the time being. If she breaks up with her guy, this will be another story but for now, I am not doing anything for now.

    I didn't write it in my first post, but she also has a bit of history with triangular relationships. She couldn't decide between 2 guys at some point of her life and was dating both of them (she feels horrible and not too proud of that period according to her). This could be a red flag.

    Anyway, she's a good friend and it might be better to keep things as they are. It's not like there aren't any single girls out there.

    I will post again if there are any developments.
    Cheers, mate!

  4. #4
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Can't figure her out - mixed signals

    Hmm, I have taken a week off from work and she didn't last long. I just received a message earlier today where she asks how I am doing and that she's terribly bored at work without me (I will reply tomorrow, hehe).

    The thing is that she never texted me when I was leaving on holidays before. This whole situation started since January when we started getting really close.

    It's really weird. I am either some kind of "girlfriend" she can confide in and have fun activities with, or she is attracted to me but doesn't realize her feelings. Or, she is manipulative and tries to secure her way out of her current relationship.

    Bummers... Never mess with taken gals...

  5. #5
    redgibbon is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Can't figure her out - mixed signals

    that's good man, keep her guessing! Like I said, be a man about it, don't tolerate any chat about her girly stuff. As much as you think you are great friends, and im sure you get on great, you wanna come in and act like a man.

    I think shes got insecurities and it helps her to have a 'guy friend' in her life (who she knows likes her). The day you stop showing this is the day things will change and you will find out for real if she likes you back. Your the prize bro! Your the asset not her. She is so replaceable!

  6. #6
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Can't figure her out - mixed signals

    Well, it's not like she knows I like her or something. She's the one who started sending all these IOIs (more or less 2 months now), and it has been only like a couple of weeks that I have been wondering what's going on between us.

    I have never done anything to make her think that I want to date her. All I am talking about are those "other girls". On her side, when we are in the street or in a pub, she will occasionally point to a guy she likes. She also refers to the guy that almost kissed her and asks whether she should meet him again (and I can see some excitement in her eyes).

    All this could be a huge misunderstanding from my part and I am just a "girlfriend" to her. I guess I have to stay alert for more IOIs...


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