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  • 1 Post By BatMan

Thread: Long distance (talking, not exclusive)

  1. #1
    botas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Long distance (talking, not exclusive)

    So I met a really cool girl right before the semester ended. Smart, funny, very attractive. Unfortunately, I only had a little less than a month with her, and I didn't want to make her my girlfriend, as I wasn't interested in doing a long-distance relationship with a girl I had just met (with all the exclusivity that comes with it..). I've been talking with her over the break, and I hope to pick up where we left off when we come back to school in the fall.

    We text every day, and today, she took a while to respond. I was making a joke about how I was willing to cut her a deal for my superb advice since I kind of liked her, so I'd be willing to accept massages as payment. She played along, saying her massages were worth a little more than that, flirting, etc. However, she then said that "there is a strong possibility that she may have accidentally went on a date with a small, asian boy."

    Now, I understand that we're not exclusive and she's free to do that, just as I'm free to see other people. However, how do you respond to something like that? We were joking a few weeks before we left that it would be an open relationship (even though she said she liked me, multiple times), and I could tell she was interested in being my girlfriend.

    I'm a pretty strong / tall guy, and looking at her diction, it seems like she may have been indirectly apologizing - she told me he was "small" and "asian," which is really kind of funny, as my impression is she meant to tell me I don't need to be worried. Also, she used the word "accidentally," which leads me to believe she thinks I'm a higher value target than this guy, and she was again, apologizing.

    My goal with her this summer, I guess, is to preserve where we were before the semester ended - she's a pretty cool girl. My inclination, though, is to not be AFC and make a joke about it / not be all butt-hurt. Maybe say, "No need to apologize, this is an open relationship, right? :P
    However, I also know she kind of likes me, so I don't want to sound like I'm banging every other girl I see over the break.

    Ideas?

    TLDR: Girl I'm interested in but not dating (who likes me) told me she "accidentally" went on a date with another guy. It sounded like she was apologizing (?), but maybe not. How to respond without sounding AFC?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Long distance (talking, not exclusive)

    There's a number of ways to respond. Your suggestion is not bad.

    You could also say:

    -"Oh ..." Then change the subject. Leaves a bit of mystery and may let her know you're affected. This is recommended if you have a bit more rapport though.

    - "Lol ok." Change the subject. Because you just brushed it off as not important.

    - "My heart is broken. I'm gonna go cry in the corner and write in my diary. :P" This is done in a more playful tone.

    Again, your response is good. But it really depends on what you want out of it. If you want her more accepting about you not wanting to be exclusive then I'd use your response. If you want something more serious with her down the line then use one of my suggestions.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    botas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Long distance (talking, not exclusive)

    Good advice... it definitely affected me (bit upset about it), but it feels like everything I've learned from PUA so far would suggest I not show that she's phased me. However, if I take that approach, it suggests that I don't care enough about her to give a fuck. Catch 22. Bleh.

    That being said, I'll probably go with the "diary" idea (pretty funny ), if there's no better way to handle it. I do want something down the line in the fall with her, for sure.

    We definitely have strong rapport, and I feel like she wouldn't have told me this if she didn't have feelings for me.

    Honestly, I'm wondering why she even told me at all; why she didn't just ignore the fact that it happened, blow him off, and proceed with me as if nothing had ever happened. Hrmmmmmmm....


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