Re: first time sex awkward....
It may sound cliché but STD's are a real concern here. When you like a girl so much, you wouldn't want to have such ill thoughts of her carrying something. So I get that part. But you wouldn't be ruining any chances if you respect yourself enough to tell her you feel comfortable using a condom. And honestly, if she gives you crap about it even after you tell her that, then I'd question just how special you think this girl is. And the possibility that she has done this with other men.
As for your performance, that comes in time. There are plenty of books and advice throughout the internet to help. Plus practice makes perfect My first time was pretty awful as well. But you'll get over it and forgive yourself because it's just like any other skill you try to master. It just takes time and practice and an eagerness to learn and get better.
"All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."