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  1. #1
    Eneru is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to stay out of friendzone w/ a girl just out of LTR & when to score

    Quite a detailed post ahead. If it's tl;dr then my 2 questions are right at the end. However, please read if you have time as I would like to know if what I'm doing is adequate and I appreciate any input from you professional PUAs out there!

    I've been lurking this site for a while and I have used some hints and tips posted to some success. However, I need advice on a slightly different topic as I'm kinda bored of chasing girls now and would like to settle down for a bit so my question here is: how to keep it being more than friends with a girl who just came out of a 2 year relationship, and when to go in for the kill.

    I've known this girl for about a month and a half now. We haven't met yet but we've been facebook-chatting for a while as we're meant to be starting our new job abroad in the same city. The convos were initially work-related, like how we're gonna go about booking flights and visas etc, then it got more playful after some initiation on my behalf after I found out her and her ex broke up about a month ago.

    What I mean by playful is that we've already given each other nicknames, and often talk about the things that we're going to do together while over there (food-tasting, exploring, sports etc) and she joked about if I ever became a supervillain she would be the super hero that defeats me. Regarding the activities, I have been taking the lead and suggesting them and not once did she say no and I'd like to take that as a good sign. She's also a shy girl and mentioned once that she doesn't like large groups of people and if she gets nervous around them she would like it if we can steal off together.

    The subject of her ex comes up from time to time. Recently she said she still misses him and she will not try to be an emotional mess around me so that she ''doesn't scare me off'' and once asked me to kick him for her if I see him (as he will be on the same training course as us for 2 weeks). To that I brushed her off, saying I don't advocate violence unless he does something that warrants it, and told her that I've been through rough break ups before and if she needs someone to talk to I'll be there to listen, although I'd rather not have to deal with it.

    So far I think I've been doing OK; I've been making myself semi-unavailable and only talk to her about once every couple of days (but when we talk it's often for hours), I've mentioned that I'll be there for her but I won't let her walk over me, and I've been flirtatious from time to time.

    We're going to meet for the training course in 2 weeks for the first time, and I plan on making a move on her if I'm still interested in her after meeting her in person. By the time that we meet it would be 2 months after her breakup, so what I was wondering is:

    1) if there's anything else I can do in the meanwhile to keep myself from slipping inside the dreaded friendzone?
    2) is 2 months enough for someone who just got out of a 2 yr relationship (where about 9 months of it was LDR) to be interested in a non-rebound sort of relationship?

    Thank you very much in advance for your input!

  2. #2
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to be stay out of friendzone w/ girl just ou of LTR & when to score

    First of all, don't think too much about time intervals. 2 months, 9 months, 2 years, forget about them before you end up overthinking and ruining your game. But if it makes you feel any better, 2 months is enough.

    However, don't get too excited. You said you guys haven't met each other in person. That's your main obstacle to get through.

    Sounds like you built sufficient amount of comfort with her so you gave yourself nicknames, talked for hours, etc. If you continue that comfort stage in person, you'll end up listening to her ex problems all day and hello beloved friendzone. Now, I don't say you be mean or distant to her. I just want you to assume that you don't have that comfort level when you meet her in person. Because no matter how much virtual interactions you make, face to face is a whole different branch.

    I want you to keep that comfort card in your back pocket. It's your special power. If you use it right at the start you'll reveal everything you have and you lost the game. You only gonna use it when you need it.

    Observe how she approaches you when you meet. If she's kinda nervous and holding back a bit, calibrate your energy level with hers.

    Once you do that, time to start attraction bro. Kino, flirt, tease, cocky & funny, smile. Perform the basics. Don't mind her ex being in the scene and don't let her talk about him too much, change the subject. Just do your thing.

    Note that reading this rant could take you couple minutes but calibrating your energy level and starting attraction should take you no more than first 5 seconds of meeting her.

    If this reply felt kinda scattered, just ask for more detailed explanation.

    Good luck,
    Wolf.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  3. #3
    PUcowboy's Avatar
    PUcowboy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to be stay out of friendzone w/ girl just ou of LTR & when to score

    Yeah man like Wolf said, try not to think about time. But im going to say something that has been a hard learned lesson for me that I will never forget, DO NOT BE HER EMOTIONAL GAY SHOULDER TO CRY ON!!! Ok, there I said it haha. I spent about a year of my life in the friend zone, deep deep into it. We had sex a month after we met and talked for hours on end, I slipped up somewhere along the line and she met a guy going to bootcamp and dropped me with the "lets just be friends its not you its me " line and I stuck with it for a year. She would whine about her ex boyfriend who cheated on her, and blah blah blah, there would be intervals I would stop talking to her and tell her I wasn't in the market for a extra "friend" but when whoever she was talking to at the moment would ditch her she would run back to me and show just enough interest to get me going again, WASH REPEAT. Huge waste of my life and time. Long stories short, I transferred from the school I was going to out of state and ever since I had left the friend zone, and well, not really talking anymore

  4. #4
    Eneru is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to be stay out of friendzone w/ girl just ou of LTR & when to score

    Thanks for your reply, I get what you mean when too much comfort is bad as it's happened to me in the past.

    I would like to know what did you mean by calibrating my energy? Like if she's nervous should I act nervous too? Because I'm not sure I can pull that off very well as I'm normally quite a confident, cocky person anyway but I don't want to scare her away since she seems a bit shy.

    Also, what did you mean by keeping the comfort card in my backpocket? Is it like I should just be cocky, flirty and doing lots of Kino from the first moment I meet her, and fall back on the comfort card if she seems uncomfortable?

    I'll also forget about the length of time she's beeen single, you're right, it'll throw me off my game. And sucks to hear that's happened to you too cowboy; it happened to me a few times but what's awful is I never got beyond a kiss with those girls!

  5. #5
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to be stay out of friendzone w/ girl just ou of LTR & when to score

    No I don't mean be nervous. But show that you understand her. If she acts nervous don't imply: "Hey don't act like a weirdo around me." but instead you can say: "I felt like you seem a bit nervous, it's okay, I'm a bit nervous too actually..."

    See the difference? In the second sentence I offer a connection by suggesting I'm a bit nervous too, so that she can feel comfortable around me in person, not just in a virtual setting. Once you say that you are nervous but act confident instead, your confidence will affect her and she'll start to feel confident too.

    Other way around, if she's too excited to see you, make sure you're energetic enough to keep up with her.

    On the comfort card subject, you're pretty much correct. If things go way out of track, like if she gets mad at you because you're flirting, you can always say something along the lines like: "Hey *nickname*, you know you're not my type and I'm just messing with you...". By that, you disqualified her, flipped the script and created an image that you friendzoned her. So now she has to chase you.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  6. #6
    Eneru is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to be stay out of friendzone w/ girl just ou of LTR & when to score

    Ahh I see, yeah that makes sense. People feel comfortable around me so hopefully I'll be okay when we meet in person but I'll do this calibrating thing as I can come off a little too strong at times, depending on my mood. Just wondering though, can I use a variation of ''hey, you're cuter in person than in pictures'' when we first meet as a greeting and go in for a hug to establish early Kino and subtly tell her that I'm not up for just friendship, or would that be too forward?

    To be honest I haven't tried disqualification before but the idea seems interesting. If it gets to that point and she doesn't chase after me, what should be my next step?

  7. #7
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to be stay out of friendzone w/ girl just ou of LTR & when to score

    Quote Originally Posted by Eneru View Post
    go in for a hug to establish early Kino
    Depends on your girl bro. Speaking from my past experiences, almost every girl that I met online first, then got together face to face, held themselves back at first. If I tried to establish kino with a hug, over that nervousness, that'd be inappropriate. If I were you I'd just lay low for couple minutes and go higher gradually, unless she's jumping on me from the start lol. Again, observe her energy level.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eneru View Post
    ''hey, you're cuter in person than in pictures''
    Sincere compliments usually work well when you have enough comfort. Just don't get to a point where you'll be kissing her ass.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eneru View Post
    To be honest I haven't tried disqualification before but the idea seems interesting. If it gets to that point and she doesn't chase after me, what should be my next step?
    I'm yet to see a case when disqualification didn't work, so I'm not able to help you if she doesn't chase you after a successful disqualification. But disqualifying her is not mandatory. If you start like a true alpha, she'll be into you in no time and then you don't need to worry about disqualification or what not.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  8. #8
    Eneru is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to be stay out of friendzone w/ girl just ou of LTR & when to score

    Ok, gotcha, thanks. Until we meet, I was thinking about talking to her some more on fb but was wondering what sorta topics I should talk about without being too serious now that it seems some virtual support has been established and I don't want it to spiral down towards the friend path by making her feel too comfortable around me. I was thinking light-hearted, slightly cheeky topics such as, for example, two nights ago I made some new friends and they paid for my drinks all night and took me to a strip bar etc, and drop things like that in from time to time. Thoughts?

    My next, slightly unrelated issue is something that has been mentioned to me in the past. Apparently I don't show interest in girls and often times I hook up with girls who're more interested in me. One girl admitted to me after we'd slept together that she had no idea I was interested in her and she actually spent quite a while chasing me.

    Since I'm so bad at this, can you give me a couple of pointers of how to subtly indicate my interest to someone without explicitly saying so?


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