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  • 1 Post By BatMan
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Thread: She has a boyfriend, we cant stop seeing each other!

  1. #1
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default She has a boyfriend, we cant stop seeing each other!

    straight to the point.

    i met this girl around March. we hit it off and it was fantastic. she was on a break with her boyfriend coz he left the country and was supposedly never coming back. it all started as a fling/sex buddies. things evolved and we got super attached to each other.

    twist! her boyfriend comes back and she has no idea how to break up with him and feels that if she does and gets into a relationship with me, she would be labeled as a slut! or that she cheated on him, which i find ridiculous coz she was on a break.

    anyway, she's unable to break up with him coz she doesn't know ho (i told her how, but she thinks she'd be labeled as a slut/cheater; which would make me think that she's willing to cheat on some one easily).

    i really want this girl. we're perfect together and everyone is saying that. i have two options:

    1. distance and let her be until she misses me. (con: things might die and i no longer have control over gaming her)

    2. stay around and be available while going out with other women. (con: not having the patience with other girls and bailing before escalation)

    what do u guys think? is there any other plan i should go through?

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: She has a boyfriend, we cant stop seeing each other!

    Ugh. I hate situations with back and forth emotions with an ex. Sorry you're in this dude.

    I understand the risk, but it's best if you behave that he doesn't exist. Spend time together, don't let her talk about him (she has gfs for that), and do your best to pull her towards you just by being the fun guy you are. BUT...and this is a big but...you cannot be available to her all the time. She doesn't get 100% of you right now. Distance yourself a bit and see other women, but keep her on radar. I know that you risk things dieing out, but if you do it right then it won't. Here are some tips:

    Understand that it's the guy that puts her on an emotional roller coaster who wins the game. Exes or bfs are good at this. Being PUAs we advocate a lot of "cool" behavior, but underestimate the power of being upset with her or angry. Don't be afraid to explore different emotions with her to suck her in. Start a conflict with her (not having to do with her bf) like if she does something you don't like. A simple "wow. I'll ttyl" is very powerful if your timing is right and will get her to chase you.

    Don't make plans with her anymore. Let her make the plans. Let her chase you and make yourself a challenge. Use push/pull to really draw her in.

    This is a big tip: Do not open up to her about your feelings or thoughts on the situation. If she asks why you're so distant or what are you feeling or thinking don't tell her. Now...if she digs at you then you want to slowly reveal it, but always leave an air or mystery about yourself. Don't let her figure you out. You have to remain the puzzle she wants to solve. That's the only way to keep her focused on you than her bf. Find ways to maintain a mystery, but don't overplay any one card. Otherwise she could get bored if you never tell her anything. Just reveal things a tiny bit at a time without giving it all away.

    Last notes: Even if you do everything right it still doesn't guarantee anything. Accept this and don't beat yourself up if you don't get what you want.

    Also understand that women who don't know what they want or own up to it are not high value. You can do better.

    Give yourself a time limit on how long you will keep at it. No more than 3 weeks in my opinion. Otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts trying to "get her." Put your ego aside and know when to cut your losses.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: She has a boyfriend, we cant stop seeing each other!

    being the alpha fun guy is covered: she always tells me how much she misses me and how she enjoys going out and being able to talk about nothing for hours etc etc...

    i didnt explore the conflict thing much... will give it a shot keeping in mind context and timing.

    not making plans anymore or asking to see her. she's doing that. going camping on Friday (with a group) and told her i might not show up anyway. she got upset coz the only reason she's going, according to her words, is becoz i'll be there...

    the mystery thing is something i use in my art in pick up. i never tell more than is necessary. makes women crave to dissect you. women dig solving the riddle of a mysterious man. she even tells me, that i know everything about her but she knows nothing about me. i surprise her with something every now and then; drives her mad (in a good way).

    "Also understand that women who don't know what they want or own up to it are not high value. You can do better." yeah.. thank you for that.. you're right... too bad though coz we clicked on every other level...

    anyhow... thanks for the tips... cheers ^^
    Last edited by ColonelMathus; 08-12-2013 at 09:31 AM. Reason: forgot some info

  4. #4
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She has a boyfriend, we cant stop seeing each other!

    You should also AMOG the sh*t out of him, in a similar way as BF destroyer.

    I also had the same situation, with an ex coming out of the blue (let's call him bob) and calling my new girl a slut because she was dating me, a friend of his (kind of). I was not there, but it was insanely difficult to fix it when I heard about it, you could feel her attraction to him

    What did I do?

    "yeah, that's a problem with Bob... I was like him long time ago... he always need to have lots of girls' approval, else he doesn't feel good about himself... I shouldn't tell you this, so don't repeat it, but... he is actually one of the less confident person I've ever met :/"
    And calling him Babybob with her, until she starts using it. And now it's all "he kinda sucks actually... and sex wasn't really good :/". And every time she does, I am "Hey. Don't bash him like that, he's just not really confident, that's all"

    The most important part being that now, when he tries to bash her, she doesn't receive it as a potential emotional rollercoaster, she receives it as a display of blatant insecurity and lack of confidence, which is utterly inattractive.

    It is very important you reach that point in your interactions with her. Find the main point of conflict with the ex, and reframe it as a lack of confidence issue. Don't try to bash him, as it won't work: she will defend him, and he will look even better in her eyes (remember that opinions are stronger when people build them themselves). Actually sound like you are defending him, by explaining to her that this conflict is just because he lacks confidence. You basically make her friendzone him.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  5. #5
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    rs5096 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She has a boyfriend, we cant stop seeing each other!

    I don't buy that she can't break up with her BF. Seriously?!? WTF the guy left the country for good (supposedly) and now he's back and she can't farking break up?? How's that for self-esteem issues. Happy to let him go out of her life, happy to take him back. Go with option 1 dude.


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