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  1. #1
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Aut Vincere Aut Mori

    Hey guys,

    Been seeing two women over the past weeks. One of them seemed far too needy and I felt zero emotional connection (even though we're both athletes and have similar mentalities), so eventually I ditched her. The other one... well, it's peculiar. We have the same sense of humor. We're both far too confident and independent. And we weirdly feel incredibly comfortable with each other. An insanely good time, nothing seems or sounds wrong.

    So when I first asked this second girl out, 3 weeks ago we went out and she had mentioned she didn't want to date atm as she just came off a LTR. Yada yada, plain bullshit and I told her that. So I insisted a couple more times and I was negged. Eventually I told her that I was incredibly persistent when I think it's worth it and she gave in.

    We went out yesterday, had a fancy dinner and drinks. Great time. So we approached the subject again. She asked eventually "so is this a date?". Obviously the most ridiculous and rhetorical question. She knew the answer. I said "Of course". And she agreed with a smile. I added "That's why you came all dressed up and smelling so nice. Initially I thought that great smell must have been my fault, but oh well."

    Progressively getting more drunk... and the topic comes up again, but she's incredibly defensive now. So I eventually said what she was thinking "I know that the idea of date must put pressure on you, same as it does on me. So just relax and enjoy the moment". I asked her why she was here, knowing my intents and what that dinner was and obviously she said "I really enjoy your company". Commented on my "muscles" (being an athlete rules) so physical attraction obviously exists as well.

    When she proceeded with the "push" I went even further and pointed the elephant in the room "It's so amusing how you're pretty much pushing me away to then pull me back".

    Well, long story short. I really like her and I know the opposite happens as well. I think at the moment what I need to do is what I feel like doing: pretty much rejecting any form of contact for a week. I know she'll miss me like crazy. And I know as well I'm too hard to resist for long.

    What are your thoughts? Back off or insist? Btw she invited me to go with her co-workers to a party this weekend. I feel like rejecting, I don't like wasting time, but it might be good to do a good "push" on her, and be flirty with some random chicks in a club.

    Cool beans,
    Jok3r
    Veni, vidi, vici.

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Aut Vincere Aut Mori

    So far, you're doing everything very well. You were flawless with the in-person conversation, and you knocked every Sh1t Test she threw at you out of the ball park.

    You have to be careful about persistence sometimes. Depending on how you execute it, it can mean the difference between winning her over and having her running out screaming creep. It sounds like you handled it very well, but be mindful of this in the future.

    Your next plan of approach sounds like the right things. So far, you have been full on pull, knocking out all of her attempts to push with clever, witty responses. Now it's time to switch things up and confuse her. Push her on the invite, and don't initiate any conversations. If she doesn't text you for two or three days, then you can initiate, but when she does text you, don't play it cold.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Aut Vincere Aut Mori

    Rejected the invitation. Did exactly what you told me, she texted me after less than a day.

    She's sh1t testing me too often though. I usually stop trying when I see there's not much action going on. In this case, I thought I'd act different. No "gaming", just brutal honesty.

    Would you agree with this: next date, in the end, I think I should make a move. Not a full move, but pull and push. Say telling her "You're too afraid of what might happen, but If I wanted to I'd move close, hold your hand (actually hold her hand here) and you wouldn't do a thing. I'd do what I want to do.". And leave it like this. I'd avoid a slap in the face, but I'd leave her wanting me like crazy.

    She told me what her problem is: the pressure. The fact that she knows I want her, and therefore if we do kiss, she'll jump into a new relationship right away. If she wasn't sure about my intentions it would be easier to deal with this. On the other hand, I don't really care.

    Jok3r

    PS: thanks a lot for the reply Swagman
    Veni, vidi, vici.

  4. #4
    x Mojo x's Avatar
    x Mojo x is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Aut Vincere Aut Mori

    I agree with Swag completely, you knocked all the shit tests and the dialogue was excellent. Rejecting the date was solid to, shows her you can say no and doesn't give her the idea that she has you. What I would suggest as far as the pressure thing is to lean off the relationship side of intimacy. Let her know that it's ok to have feelings for you and express them freely, without you bashing her with wild expectations. I'd make the next date really fun, and end it somewhere you can talk. Sit her down and explain it. If she knows your interested and she's interested the mystery game is off, just ease the stress. I'd say "listen, you like me (alpha hehe). You like spending time with me. And I like spending time with you. I don't expect anything more than that. If you don't want to get right back into something really serious, I don't mind that at all. But let go off all that Tension and stress of what you think I want, and just be with me. Cool?" then transition right back to normal conversation and let it marinate. It's worked for me numerous times when turning a rebound into a steady friend with benefits. Good luck buddy, and solid game. Cheers.

    - Mojo

  5. #5
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Aut Vincere Aut Mori

    Quote Originally Posted by Jok3r View Post
    Rejected the invitation. Did exactly what you told me, she texted me after less than a day.

    She's sh1t testing me too often though. I usually stop trying when I see there's not much action going on. In this case, I thought I'd act different. No "gaming", just brutal honesty.
    Sometimes man, that's just what you have to do. Whenever I have a girl just asking me too many questions and there's no fun in the interaction, I just stop responding. When I'm trying to pick up a lady, I want to have fun, not play a game of twenty questions. If she is continuously sh1t testing you, then you can't just continue to sidestep and dance around her questions. It's time to take things to the next level.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jok3r View Post
    Would you agree with this: next date, in the end, I think I should make a move. Not a full move, but pull and push. Say telling her "You're too afraid of what might happen, but If I wanted to I'd move close, hold your hand (actually hold her hand here) and you wouldn't do a thing. I'd do what I want to do.". And leave it like this. I'd avoid a slap in the face, but I'd leave her wanting me like crazy.
    That's a great approach. Physically tease her and make her wanting more. Another thing I would do is tease her sexual fantasies. When you're texting or talking, begin narrating the romantic things that you would do to her. Gunsnglory covers this in his texting guide and it's some great stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jok3r View Post
    She told me what her problem is: the pressure. The fact that she knows I want her, and therefore if we do kiss, she'll jump into a new relationship right away. If she wasn't sure about my intentions it would be easier to deal with this. On the other hand, I don't really care.
    Have you actually told her that you want a relationship yet? Have you hinted towards that you want a relationship? If not, then this is easy to remedy. Lead her off the scent by giving her mixed signals. Show periods of disinterest, but then just as it looks like you are out, come back in and hit her with some pull action. It will confuse her, and it will work out in your advantage.

    If you have told her, then it is a matter of becoming super meaningful and super philosophical. Ask her what are her greatest fears of going back into a relationship. If they are in relation to an ex, ask her if it is fair that the character and actions of one person should be judged by another. Ask her if her actions should be judged by her exes. This is the clean slate mentality, and everybody certainly wants it when meeting someone new.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X


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