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Thread: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

  1. #1
    Wolf24's Avatar
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    Default Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    The following post will be about the "damaged goods". Okay so, I know I might be poking a hive full of hornets here, but bear with me...

    That's because I've heard so many of you guys say things like: "If she's a drama queen/crazy girl/intellectual whore just walk away. She's not worth your efforts and you probably won't have a healthy relationship. Instead of spending countless hours and invaluable efforts on this girl, you could just go out and close 5 of the better chicks."

    In most cases that's true, I say and do these things too, I agree. But you know, sometimes you stumble upon an exception and that's why I'm here now.

    The girl I'm talking about used to be this super confident and independent one, which are usually the most important qualities that a man looks in a woman. (Yeah, she's hot too, no worries.)

    However, as I know her past a little bit, I know that she's been through many devouring relationships. Some of them she got cheated on, some of them she got her heart broken, some of them she couldn't find what she wanted, some of them she made the biggest mistake and regretted the next day. And with every relationship faded, so did a chunk of her confidence. She got bitter with each passing day, she lost her faith and trust in people -mostly in men and relationships-, she lost her optimism and her energy.

    But her awesome personality and her hot-as-hell body is still there. And I just can't help myself from wanting her. Do I need her? Probably not. I tried to get over her, been with a lot of different and exciting women and had the time of my life. But every time we talk, every time I see her, there's something in me that I can't describe, something different. (Is this what you farkers call love? LOL)

    Bottom line, I just wanna make her mine. I want to be her man. I want to shatter down all insecurities and doubts she has, I want her to trust me that I can be her man. I want to believe that an alpha can "fix" a woman when he wants and make her devoted to himself, rather than just walking away to meet (supposedly) better women. I know this path is not a prioritized or an easy path for most of us, but I want to take it. I don't want to regret it afterwards by not taking it, because you know regrets never feel good...

    Any comments & general advice would be appreciated. Thanks guys.

    Wolf.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    The idea of "fixing" or "saving" your gf is a very dangerous game. One that many people play today. I, myself, have had much history in trying to play the white knight to my gf.

    I've had an arrange of different types of women. Intelligent, party types, dumb, romantics, wife types, loose cannons. There's really only one defining thing that dictates whether a relationship will be a success or failure among all types of women.

    You ever notice that people, in general, are either too proud to stay or too proud to walk away? The defining element in any successful relationship is two people who refuse to give up on each other. That they live for each other instead of just themselves. If that is in balance between you two then you are set for life.

    I met a woman last year that I made my gf. She was damn near perfect. Educated, good family, no kids, young, brazilian (whew smh). She was attractive enough that I would be proud to walk with her on my arm, but didn't wear much makeup or put herself out there like an attention whore. Conservative type. Simply amazing.....on paper. Lol

    Her lack of experience in relationships had her dreaming for the perfect Twilight relationship (Yes I mean the movie). She thought we would have this perfect flow and when we would argue it should be glorious and have great makeup sex or something. She didn't know how it really was. She constantly tried to break up with me and the only reason we stayed together is that I would downplay it like she was behaving like a child and tell her I'd talk to her later after she calmed down. But after 6 months of dealing with that my own frustration got the best of me and I walked away. She never once fought for me. (well maybe once.) Haven't spoken to her since and haven't gotten a call.

    Now I have a fresh relationship. She's attractive yet has a beat up past. Selling and using drugs. Involved with gangs. Even was a pimp at one time (and I believe her lol). Nowadays, she's been out of that stuff for a few years and works in a hospital with a growing career (Glad I don't have to "fix" this one.) And she is seriously willing to work with me. She refuses to give up on me and I'm noticing the difference in my own behavior because of it. Cause now I won't give up on her. She's all in.

    In all my experience that is the one thing that I've noticed about people who stay together and who do not. If your girl doesn't have this believe yet just tell her "People are either too proud to stay or too proud to walk away. Which are you?"
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    ^^ Do you regret losing that women? I mean from your post it looks lije you have invested much time and effort in her but she did not thats why she never fought for you....
    Nice guys don't finish last, boring guys does.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    ...
    In all my experience that is the one thing that I've noticed about people who stay together and who do not. If your girl doesn't have this believe yet just tell her "People are either too proud to stay or too proud to walk away. Which are you?"
    Man, I'd like to thank you for this post but I don't think it really applies to my situation. I'm sorry if I hadn't been clear enough.

    To explain better, we were never at the gf/bf level. That's because she completely shut herself down to any kind of intimate relationship. She now has a frame that every relationship is a dream that will destined to end with the worst possible scenario.

    That's why, although she's attracted to me, trusts me and feels comforted, when it comes to relationship, or sex, or even a kiss, she has these huge walls. I think, at the end of the day she still believes I'm like the other guys that hurt her. (or that I will turn into those guys at some point)

    I don't believe that her walls are unbreakable. Eventually someone will break through them, but I want to be that dude. And I don't know what's missing in the equation to make that happen. Apart from the "turning into the bad guy", another thing that comes to my mind is that, I'm one of her few trustworthy friends so she might want to keep that as it is without "ruining" it with some kind of relationship. On the contrary, I believe that if we make that relationship happen, I can help her better.

    However, I'm out of things to try. I've tried everything that an alpha could try, but no dice. I think the only option left for me is you guys' advice or to go full AFC and read this post to her out loud lol.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    Quote Originally Posted by super_gamer View Post
    ^^ Do you regret losing that women? I mean from your post it looks lije you have invested much time and effort in her but she did not thats why she never fought for you....
    No I don't regret losing her. She was too immature. She did invest alot of time and effort but it was long distance so her insecurities got the best of her. I simply got tired of her talking about our future then try to break up the next second cause I wanted to get off the phone with her. Lol.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    Wolf...you have to suck her into your world. That's why I told you that quote. You said it yourself that she has this frame. So use frame control to reshape her reality and views. The best thing you can do for a woman is inspire her to be a better person simply by being with you.

    Telling her things like "Everyone has trust issues. It's a part of life and we shouldn't let it beat us down." Or "I'm too proud to walk away." Things like that to give her a new light on the situation. Suck her into your reality. Don't get sucked into hers.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Wolf...you have to suck her into your world. That's why I told you that quote. You said it yourself that she has this frame. So use frame control to reshape her reality and views. The best thing you can do for a woman is inspire her to be a better person simply by being with you.

    Telling her things like "Everyone has trust issues. It's a part of life and we shouldn't let it beat us down." Or "I'm too proud to walk away." Things like that to give her a new light on the situation. Suck her into your reality. Don't get sucked into hers.
    Now I see it, gotcha. Can't thank you enough as always.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  8. #8
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Are we allowed to date "drama queens" at all?

    I am not a pua at all, so maybe my perspective is different. I agree with what BatMan said and think its quite thoughtful and insightful.

    I did have an experience dating a girl who had some past issues. She had been molested as a child repeatedly by a neighbor and had never told anybody until she told me. It was an issue that caused her to start crying during sex a few times in our year long relationship. She also felt bad a lot, was constantly tired, and wasn't happy with how things were going for her. I told her I would support her in anyway I could and I really encouraged her to speak to someone. She never wanted to do it though. She's a great girl but this became an issue in our relationship towards the end as I really wanted her to handle it and heal from it. My most recent ex did some f'ed up stuff to me and then wanted me back and well, I think I thought I could help her realize what she really wanted too, but in the end she had to be the one to do it and I think in some ways by trying to push it on her I really just pushed her away.

    I guess my point is, that you should always support her in any way you can. at the end of the day though, there's no amount of "fixing" you can do if the other person doesn't want it, then you are becoming pushy and trying to change her. My view is the point of a relationship at the end of the day is constantly support each other in the things each person is doing to better themselves. For me I think a true fulfilling relationship is showing and helping each other along the path each one wants for themselves. But that's supporting someone's own self improvement and journey not "fixing" them. So if you care about her, then you should absolutely not be scared away from her but work with her and be there for her when she needs you, while recognizing that it could take a lot of patience and she may choose a different path than what you see is best.


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