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  1. #1
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    Hi guys,
    long time studier 1st time poster!!

    so met this awesome HB nearly 3 months ago and hit it off really well. first one in a long time with LTR potential!!

    been texting everyday since the start, talking on the phone 3-4 times a week for the last month or more & hanging out quite a bit too, almost a relationship w/o the labels.

    She has really strong morals about sex outside of a relationship & even about jus hooking up with anyone. which I love about her.

    Anyway last fri night she came over for dinner, we hung out n ended up going 2bed, made out, finally got her pants off and fingered her till she nearly came n she said she had to stop because she wouldn't be able to control herself any longer (of course I tried to play it off but she was very adamant lol) she was jerking me off for a lil while as well. so we jus chilled for a while n she stayed the night as usual.

    so im thinking at this point she must be getting some pretty strong feelings to go that far n open up like she did. We both had busy day's on the sat but still texted back n forth, did our own thing on sat nite n txting still till about midnight. this is where it got a bit messy.....

    so I hadn't heard from her by tue nite so I texted her
    Me: Hey dork been really busy, hope everything's ok? talk soon x
    Her Reply the next morning:
    Hey all good don't stress been pretty busy too! Anyway have a good day!

    that was it!! So I gave her benefit of the doubt n let her be until wed n replied to her that I didn't buy it. after a bit of prodding she sends:
    I dunno, just don't think I want anything n don't wanna give you the wrong idea or anything :/

    so Im going to her place tonight to talk face to face.

    her last bf of 3-4yrs cheated on her so im thinkin she may jus be worried about me hurting her?

    my ultimate goal is for LTR. I am seeing 2 other girls but they just don't do it like this one does.

    sorry for the long story but can anyone share their thoughts on this & what the best way to handle tonight would be? It seems to have come from completely out of nowhere.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Lancelot's Avatar
    Lancelot is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    She has sexual 'morals' (whatever that means!) so she feels buyers remorse. Perhaps most importantly, you waited a full three days after fucking her without contacting her. Now she thinks you are a player just in it for the sex. And sure, she has bad past experiences so she's making assumptions and putting up shields.
    Go over tonight with high energy and compassion. demonstrate higher value by letting her know you feel like an ass for not getting back to her sooner. Say something like There are too many men in the world who are douche bags, and I just don't want to be one of them, ya know? I have a lot of respect for women and I think the world would be a better place if all men did.

  3. #3
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    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    Be different from those other jerks that miss treated her. Go over and let her know you don't just want her for her body and all that other good stuff.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  4. #4
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    Thanks for the reply mate!
    Quote Originally Posted by Lancelot View Post
    She has sexual 'morals' (whatever that means!) so she feels buyers remorse. Perhaps most importantly, you waited a full three days after farking her without contacting her. Now she thinks you are a player just in it for the sex. And sure, she has bad past experiences so she's making assumptions and putting up shields.
    Very good point & one scenario I hadn't thought of yet!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lancelot View Post
    Go over tonight with high energy and compassion. demonstrate higher value by letting her know you feel like an ass for not getting back to her sooner. Say something like There are too many men in the world who are douche bags, and I just don't want to be one of them, ya know? I have a lot of respect for women and I think the world would be a better place if all men did.
    Awesome!! now that you mention it I genuinely feel like a bit of an ass for not making the extra effort for contact sooner.

    thing is though we were texting (jus general chit chat as usual) all day sat n sat night and she stopped replying at around midnight. normally I wont send another txt without a reply 1st, is this maybe too much of attraction stage or jus totally wrong??

    thanks for the advice

  5. #5
    Lancelot's Avatar
    Lancelot is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    Ok I think I formed an incorrect impression then, I hadn't realized you texted back and forth all day the day afterwards. What was that conversation like? You weren't wrong in waiting then I thought you did the deed and waited for three days to get back to her. What was the conversation like initially (the next day)?
    It's still buyers remorse but now I'm not sure what she's thinking, it may be a Sh1t Test or a loss of attraction for some reason. Or it really could be what I said before depending on how the conversation went.

  6. #6
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    so she left about 6am sat morning & I txt'ed her at about midday. Was jus the usual conversation (fun, light hearted & random dribble) with equal investment from both of us. about 20 txt's all up.

    I've been through the conversation a few times & there doesn't seem to be any sign of her losing interest or attraction, which is why it seems so sudden & has me confused.

    still agree with the buyers remorse but wouldn't of thought it to be a Sh1t Test

  7. #7
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    so jus had another look at the last couple of txt's - quick back story I was out drinking with family, she was out with a couple of friends on the other side of town n was supposed to pick me up at the end of the night.

    HB: (2nd half of text) Im bein responsible n driving tho so will let u know when we're coming back or whatever.
    So I was a lil annoyed b/c I had relied on her for a ride home & replied:
    Me: Na that's cool I gotta cab coming now

    & that was the last I had heard from her till I followed up on tue night...

  8. #8
    Lancelot's Avatar
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    I would just proceed with the original plan then. She may've been expecting more after opening herself up in that way; my guess is you kept up with the typical PUA Text game which was probably frustrating for her. A phone call the next day might've been appropriate in this situation.

  9. #9
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    yeah Im really starting to think that I should have done more. I guess im just not used to having a keeper around!!

    thanks again mate really appreciate the advice!!

  10. #10
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: got the "nothing serious" after nearly 3 months

    Update:

    Chick is doing my head in lol!!

    so went round last night & jus hung out for like the 1st 30 mins as if nothing had changed!!

    we eventually got talking & some of what she said was:
    "don't get the wrong idea I still want to hang out & stuff. I just didn't want to give you the wrong idea."

    I asked her why disappear for 4days without contact?
    she said she hadn't deliberately gone out of her way to not contact me & that she was just having an "anti-people week" (she had done that before when we first started dating for a w/e & was fine the week after).

    Anyway I told her that I felt like a real jerk after Friday night & that I was disappointed that I didn't treat it better.
    She said it was fine & I have no reason to feel bad!! (I think is a lie).

    Anyway the thing she said that got me & I think might be a real clue to what she is thinking:
    "I've been trying to convince myself that im ready for a relationship for a while but after Friday night I don't think I am."

    so not sure of what my next step should be!?

    my brain says: ask her if she wants anything to change or was she just making sure I knew what this was? & then keep seeing her as normal but make it clearer that im dating other girls & she may fear losing me

    AFC heart says: tell her I love her & I will wait for her as long as it takes!! lol

    would love some feedback, good or bad.


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