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  1. #1
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Where to go from here.....

    I met this girl last semester during a party at school. I am 22, she is 20. We talked on and off all throughout summer but finally just got around to hanging out yesterday. We went out to lunch (she asked me to go via snapchat as a reply to one of mine). We ate lunch and talked for about an hour after, awesome chemistry, lots of smiling, laughing, joking, hugs (she went in for one as soon as she saw me walk in) etc.

    I think I made a few mistakes though and am a little bothered from them and a little lost on where to go from here since I do not know if she considered that a date, or her interest in me as of now is just as a friend (have been out of the dating scene for years FYI).

    First off, I did not pay for lunch, she happened to be in front of me in the line and I kind of decided it would be more awkward than anything to just out of no where offer to pay when it's our first time 1-1 hanging out; especially since she is so independent with her money and it was never stated we were on a "date".

    Secondly, I did not mention she looked nice or anything and should have, but we started talking so quickly about other topics that it completely slipped my mind.

    Thirdly, I ended up catching a ride with her back since she offered and wanted to see where I live; I think it's a little de-masculating to have to catch a ride from the girl. I walked there she drove, I do not have a car on campus, my roommate and I share one.

    So a few things I'd like opinions on. Was that even technically a date in her mind? I mean I thought it was since she asked me to go out to lunch and she was pretty dolled up but we never technically specified it was a "date".

    Is she into me? I ALWAYS have to text her first but the fact that she has continued to talk to me all throughout summer must mean she is at least somewhat interested. She also said she would like to go ice skating with me sometime and almost came to a baseball game with me until she found out she couldn't get off work.

    Lastly and most importantly....where do I go from here?! I really dig this girl and would love nothing more than to date her. I talked to a few other people about what I should do and so far all I have sent it one text a few hours after the lunch which said: "Had a great time at lunch with you! Next time dinner is on me To which I have not gotten a reply. Granted she has done this before with the no replying, being bad at texting, and has even stated she is bad at texting, but I feel that this one she definitely would have replied to if she were interested in me. My plan right now is to wait until Wednesday and see if she is staying in town for the labor day weekend and if she is try to catch a movie with her, skate, or something chill during the day and make sure she knows it's a date by stating she looks great, buying her ticket, etc. Then take her out to a small drinking gathering with my friends.

    Alot of my girls that I talk to just as friends think she is just laying the heat down on me by not replying and evaluating me....I don't know about that though.
    Last edited by freestylpolaris; 08-26-2013 at 05:28 PM. Reason: More info

  2. #2
    Lancelot's Avatar
    Lancelot is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Where to go from here.....

    Have you studied much game? The reason I ask is because much of what you are questioning are typical AFC concerns. Franky, the first three things you listed as being concerns were actually good- you didn't give her a generic compliment, you let her pay for her own damned food, and she wanted to go back to your place? Ahem.
    The follow up text was weak an inappropriate; never use a smiley in a text to a girl. I don't care if she sends them to you. Reflect on her position though for a moment: you just told her you had a nice time. So what? There's nothing to reply to. What's she gonna say, "ok!" Nope. She's not gonna say anything. After a lunch date like that I would've waited at least 24 hours and opened with something neutral and interesting, such as You'll never believe what I just saw...
    In terms of whether she is attracted to you, it's very likely. I would recommend looking over a list of ioi's -indicators of interest. However if she's trying to make dates with you then that's evidence enough. Did you Kino throughout the date? *hugs aside

  3. #3
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Where to go from here.....

    You made some mistakes such as texting back that and not escalating on the date.
    You need to invest more time into this side of your life.Next meetup ask her to come over to your place to help you with something.think cooking,playing video games etc you do not actually have to do that activity.
    get her to sit on the couch and sit next to her.stroke her hair if she doesn't complain move in for the kiss.once your in it begins.

    Take that female opinion with a grain of salt focus more on building attraction.it good to take thier ideas but you must be there to push things forward.PEACE

  4. #4
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Where to go from here.....

    @LanceLot. I have not studied much game or had much experience. First semester back at a University, getting back into things. She didn't so much want to go back to my place per se. She just wanted to see how far she lived from me (she lives like a block away which works). I agree that the text was really awkward, I can bounce back from it though right? Planning on waiting another two days. Then asking her to do something casual, then back to my place to drink with a few of my friends and see where it goes since the roommate will be gone. I'm just not an aggressive type of guy when I am into a girl; so I need to figure that out, probably one of my biggest weakness. I also don't want her to feel too awkward, I am going to escalate slowly from the one on one date throughout the night. Going to my place might even be a bad idea since I have to play host.

    Did not Kino throughout the date; we kept it casual and went to Chipotle, I feel that would have been a bit too much too for the first time hanging out with her one on one. Like I said we met at a party like 6 months ago and honestly it felt like a blind date since we met so briefly at that party. We talk through text alot and she's always been flirty. She actually wanted me to stay the summer down at school so we could hang out, smiley faces, exclamation marks, etc. I had a job downtown Chicago so that didn't work for me unfortunately.

    So let me know what you think of my plan. For sure need to get her alone on the couch and make some sort of move or at lease escalate things forward so I do not get thrown into friendzone.

  5. #5
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Where to go from here.....

    Quote Originally Posted by freestylpolaris View Post
    we kept it casual and went to Chipotle
    Oh jah, Chipotle sounds like a great date if you want to play Tenacious D's "Master Exploder" in your underpants

    What the posters here are getting at is this: you need to work on your game. You have some basic rookie issues that can easily be corrected with some time, hard work, and patience. Your basic problems consist of the following:


    • You don't recognize when to do Kino
    • You aren't very forward and aggressive
    • You worry too much
    • You don't really understand when chivalry should come into play
    • You fail to realize the qualities of being a man

    There are others, but these are the foremost that I see. Given these weaknesses, I say your current chances with this girl are slim. You should take a step back and start moving on the path to correct these weaknesses. If you want a great start, check out these three books:



    Additional sources include David Rake and Tyler Durden with Real Social Dynamics.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  6. #6
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Where to go from here.....

    Well, thinking positively: luckily that was only the first "date" and the get to know you part is over and done with. I do know first impressions count but I wouldn't say I ruined everything just from one hangout. Personally I do not think I "ruined" things just didn't do perfect which is expected. We talked for an hour after eating, gotta be worth something. We now know each other and moving forward will be much easier from here on out if I continue to try to talk to her and vice versa. I have nothing but time here to try and pursue this if I choose to and now that I know her better I can flirt easier using topics we spoke about for example.

    @Swagman thanks for the pointers. If I do get her to come out this weekend on a date I am going to definitely not be as casual about things now that I believe that part of the "get to know you" process is done with as well as take your pointers about my weaknesses.

    - Worrying too much is something I am taking care of. It is not evident to her which is what matters. I never double text or show nervousness around her.

    - Chivalry is something I can definitely accomplish probably even this weekend with her. I won't have the car my roommate and I share but I can easily hold doors open for her and always allow her to sit first, and etc.

    - I am also going to dress less casual around her from here on out when it's just her and I. She knows I play hockey and hit the gym all the time so I got that going for me.

    Kino and being forward and aggressive will probably be the two harder things for me to accomplish. Any pointers would be appreciated on how to achieve these with her; I don't want to be friend-zoned so these next couple of hangouts we (hopefully) have will really count.. Quite honestly I haven't been with many women so I just think that's the main issue.

  7. #7
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Where to go from here.....

    UPDATE: Read some forums about texting game and realized that resetting the conversation at this point would be my best bet. Just texted her about something we were talking about at lunch:

    "You'll never believe what I found out about our favorite actor..." I was at work with no reception so I didn't get the reply until much later which was:

    "Haha and what is that?"

    My reply about 2 hours later: "He is starring in a movie directed by the guy who made 300, but we both know who would suit the role better.... (she thinks I am alike to this particular actor) are you staying on campus for labor day?" (probably should have left out that labor day part but oh well)


    So gents, looks like I am still in the game at this point if she is replying in a fun manner. Getting that 2nd date and making sure I do everything right is essential at this point. Hopefully I get a reply later tonight from her after she gets out of work and I succeed in setting something up with her over labor day weekend. If anyone has any suggestions or comments for a smooth way to do this it'd be appreciated. Right now I am just planning on going with "There is (so-and-so movie playing this Fri, up for seeing it or hitting up the ice rink and then drinking with me and a few people at a bonfire?" Should I mention that it would be my treat for the movie? I am voting that I shouldn't say that in the text message but just wait until we get there and pay for her this time around since it's the 2nd time going out 1-1


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