maybe you guys will think im foolish, and if so, so be it. ive had something off and on with this girl for a while. i didn't know at first but eventually it came to light that she has had a long term long distance relationship. she initially left him, then he freaked out and had to have heart surgery and we broke it off. after about 6 weeks, I still couldn't get past wanting to be with her and I initiated us meeting up again and for the past month or so we have been seeing each other pretty regularly. but ive accepted the fact that im not comfortable with the situation, and ive made that clear to her. at first she told me she was sure she wanted to be with me but she asked for time to end it with the other guy definitively due to his health. the whole time ive been walking a tough and frustrating line of wanting to be with her, not committing, not wanting to walk away, but making clear that I needed her to change the situation for us to actually be together in a way thats good for both of us. in some ways I know I shouldn't be jealous of this situation, she's in bed with me, she's giving her effort to me, her affection to me, she tells me she loves me. but at the same time, the whole concept of her saying she loves me but not leaving the other guy, screws with my confidence and my own value. furthermore, she's gone back to saying its not just for his health but also that she's scared to leave what she sees as a secure financial future with him.
ive tried to make her realize that if after 3 years, she doesn't have a ring, nor a house, nor even being with the person, only seeing each other once or twice a year, it doesn't really seem so secure. but she's still scared to leave all of that behind, and quite honestly I think she said she worries that she could regret that one day and put it on me. however she also says she's convinced she loves me, she wants to be with me, she knows she won't truly be happy with him, but she doesn't have the conviction to leave all that behind.
everytime i get to the point where i feel like i should just walk away, I can't do it, it truly breaks my heart to do it. I mean, I all but did it this past week and her tears killed me, because its not really what I want to do either. she has said she doesn't feel right making me wait for her to decide. It kills me that she won't just go through with this for me (and really for herself as well). But it kills me to walk away from her as well, knowing that it is what we both really want.
How can I push her to take action, or help her make this decision? Is walking away and telling her she needs to figure it out and then get back to me the right thing? I could lose her forever. Originally we had set a time of 3 weeks for her to get out of the other relationship, I see that's going to be a tough three weeks because everyday it continues like this it makes me more insecure and unsure. I mean, I love the girl, and want to be with her, and want to see what will/could happen, but I also don't want a future where she resents me or regrets her decision, or one where I eventually walk away and leave her alone. In some ways I get the risk for her, but I want her to take it. As not totally happy with things as I am, I don't feel like this has run its course.
I guess at the end of the day, I don't see a "best" move in any of this.