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Thread: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

  1. #1
    Abie23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    So I have been going out with a girl and she said she sees me as a friend right now, and we have seen each other like 8 times. So now I need to get her past that and I am trying to figure out what I need to do. I also found out that she is divorced, and she is only 25 years old, 3 months younger than me.

    The first two times we went out, we saw a movie, not my ideal first date, but they were both her idea. She tested me on one of them as well. We went out on the third date to see a show, and I put my arm around her for a bit, and she didn’t seem to mind it. She liked it. But now I think that I have regressed.

    Two weeks ago, I met her in my car for a few minutes, right before I was leaving for over a week to go skiing. I got her in my car and I gave her a gift, a glass flower and I told her that I really like her a lot, and that I felt more comfortable with her than with anyone else I’ve gone out with. I gave her a hug, and I tried to kiss her on the cheek, but she didn’t go for it, although I did manage to kiss her on the cheek. She said I scared her or something.

    The next day I texted her saying “Shabbat shalom” and then she replied saying to me that she thought we were just friends, and that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. I then left for vacation, and I didn’t text her until my last day and I said that I may have torn out my left leg. I basically made the whole thing up; the point was to get her to reply to the text message, which I got.

    Thursday of this week comes along, and she is off from work and we saw each other for the first time since she said she only saw me as a friend. She texts me at 12:30 and asks if I want to go get lunch. We end up going shopping first, then going to eat lunch.

    Now, what I am wondering is what do I do from here on out? My thinking is that RIGHT NOW, I need to just keep the status quo. At some point I have to get her out to a more romantic place, and maybe come up with romantic ideas, maybe give her a nickname like “Giggle Goose” or something. But I don’t know what to do.



    P.S. I know this is long, but I cut out a lot of information, but I tried to put in what I felt was necessary.
    I also think that she is interested in being “friends” because she has contacted me to get together several times.

  2. #2
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    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    Uhhhh, am I the only one who felt like I'm reading a romantic/comedy movie script? Jokes aside...

    Okay first things first, the date locations were her idea? Change it. Make it your idea. Next time you go out, you decide where to go, what to do. Say: "No, I don't wanna go here, I wanna go there." Women like and respect a man who can take lead.

    You waited 3 dates to initiate physical contact? That's a no-no, man. Start touching her from the get go and work your way up. Women won't appreciate a guy who is afraid to pull the trigger. Pick up the pace.

    You gave her a gift and told her you like her? What did she do to deserve a gift from you? What did she do to deserve your display of affection? I never ever do such things if a girl hasn't done anything for me.

    It doesn't matter how sexy, cute or beautiful she is. She has to give something in order to take. Do you think, her going out on dates with you is a way for her to display affection? From what I've read, she drags you around just to have some "friendly" company. Don't give gifts or don't say that you like her unless she has done something only and specifically to make you happy.

    She is not your committed girlfriend or your wife, so in my opinion you shouldn't think about the "romantic" dates. If she isn't in "love" with you those romantic dates will just come creepy to her.

    Don't make things up, please. Especially about your health. Making things up is basically lying to a woman. And one of our most important rules is: "Never lie to a woman." You won't have true success unless you follow this crucial rule.

    Bottom line, I can see that you have a looong way to go if you want this girl to become your girlfriend. Specific to your situation, I suggest pulling back, be less available and take the lead whenever you can.

    But honestly, I highly suggest that you should check out the popular newbie threads in the forum and see what you can learn.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  3. #3
    Abie23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    I’ve never ever been good with dating, and being able to do things such as give, or play hard to get, and other things like that, that we talk about here, which is why I came here to ask. Anyway, I think you bring up lots of good points here, so let me address each one as well as I think I can:


    1. The 3rd date I initiated physical contact on yes, however, it was the very first time that I actually got a good opportunity to speak to her face-to-face. We had dinner in a club, and then the show began inside the club. The first two times it was a movie.

    2. The 1st time we went out it was her idea. The 2nd time it was my idea to go see a movie, and then she changed it to her idea, and see a different movie.

    She is a girl who likes to do things at the last minute, and doesn’t like to plan, and the third time we went out it was all planned by me. For the 3rd date, I had to PUSH her to come out, and she said she was feeling a little sick. She called me and on the phone she asked me where we were going, I wouldn’t tell her, and then I told her that I would tell her when I got there in a half hour. I assured her that after we went out she would feel better. Sure enough she loved it and that was what happened.

    I think this was a great idea because I took the lead, and I didn’t let her lead me to where we were going like she knows how to do.

    3. The idea of a gift, maybe it was too early to give one, I thought it would get me further with her, and maybe get her to kiss me. It never happened.

    4. I think that becoming less available will definitely work. I might say no the next time she needs me. I’ve already done it a few times as it is.

    5. As for taking the lead, I think you could not be more correct about taking the lead. I have to do it more and not let her take the lead no matter how much she likes to take the lead and be in charge. She likes to be pushy and tell me what to do, and I can’t always let her do that.

  4. #4
    Abie23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    And if i may add, I have flirted with her before, and I think I might need to try it again.

    One thing she says is "I can't, I can't, I can't" I imitated her once and all she did was laugh and I think I should try it again. Or be fun in ither ways.

  5. #5
    r0cky is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    Its natural for girls to want to keep contact. From what I see this is a typical case of friend zone. And very deep inside of this zone you are. You need to show more leadership, take her out to places YOU want to go. Also, dont tell a girl that you like her, shes not supossed to know this until after she becomes your gf. Dont give a woman flowers, ever, unless you farked up and want her to forgive you, or is a special occassion such as vday or wedding.

  6. #6
    Abie23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    I could not agree more. I am very deep in the friend zone, and it is impossible to get out of right now. Personally, I think she will come along one day, but not just yet. It might be in the future, when she realizes that I am trustworthy, I am not a phony, and that I won't ever be the type of person to cheat.

    As for taking the lead, I often try, but its not easy with her. She likes to be in control these things. Its very hard for me to do that. She only want to go out when she picks where we go.

  7. #7
    SolidT is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    a girl seeing yuh as friends is not a big deal that much.but it sucks.move on

  8. #8
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    but it doesn't hurt to have girls that are just friends in your life .... I have a bunch of girl friends that are just drinking buddies ... and it don't hurt to have a female wing

  9. #9
    Ra1d is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abie23 View Post
    I could not agree more. I am very deep in the friend zone, and it is impossible to get out of right now. Personally, I think she will come along one day, but not just yet. It might be in the future, when she realizes that I am trustworthy, I am not a phony, and that I won't ever be the type of person to cheat..
    You got it all wrong,whenever she sees that you're desired by other girls and you have all the options in the world,and that you might cheat,because you're not stuck on 1 girl,then she might find you attractive.

    As long as you have a Mindset of a nice guy,who never cheats and is trustworthy and believes that she will come along one day(she won't by the way),you will not get her.

    It's all in your hands.

  10. #10
    Abie23 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Friended (for now) but she still contacts me, what do I do?

    I have tries the approach of saying I am going out with another Girl. It didn't work right away. But I think I got her attention. She also has been hurt in the past by guys I know. She has an ex husband. That says it all. So that's why she has been hesitant to kiss.

    Oddly enough we have done things like hug each other and massage each other. Cuddle, but never kissed.

    Today she told me she got me a gift. First time she ever did. I have yet to see it. I have a gift waiting in my drawer to give her. But I am waiting for the right time.

    She also now has been texting me EVERY DAY, literally. I tried playing hard to get. And she knew it. She didn't like it.


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