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Thread: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

  1. #11
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    Stop texting, seriously. Try to insta-date girls when you meet them and escalate right there, or try to close the same day. When you stop trying to get phone numbers, and focus more on kiss closing girls, and bringing them back to your place, you're game will improve immensely and you won't have to worry about texting.

    Only use texting to set up logistics, or to see if they're busy/want to hangout. THATS IT.

    You should NOT be trying to build attraction/comfort over text. It doesn't work, and she can flake in a heartbeat on your text which leaves you stuck between over-texting her again and coming off clingy/annoying, and possibly losing attraction. That all depends on the girl though.

    On a more advanced note, when you try to build attraction over text, unless you are congruent in person to how you text, it's going to come off weird and not natural which is super bad.

    Example: If a girl is texting you and she's super funny, and fun over text and just cute, and then when you meet her she's all nervous and boring and awkward. It's because she's a different person texting than she is in person and it's freaking weird.


    Do everything in person, face to face. It will make your life 1000x easier and much harder for her to flake or anything like that, plus you can actually read her body language and how she's feeling/responding.


    Echoing what Immortal said, Kino KINO KINO KINO girls. It seriously makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE. Like, It will only help you.

    I could go into the reasons why, but then it'd be a long ass post. I'll save that for when I type up a thread on it.

  2. #12
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    Soc,

    To answer your question, I'll just repost an example I wrote in another thread.

    This is a girl that I've known for some time (roughly 4 months at the time this was written, seeing her an average of 2-3 times a week).

    12:39p – ME: Those brown bedroomy eyes, that sweet sexy smile, that body...oooh so hot! Anyways, enough about me Just checkin’ to see if you made it to Vegas ok with that late drive and sore leg.
    12:42p – HER: Haha u so crazy! Yup I made it! thanks for checking!
    12:52p – ME: Awesome! Have fun! Don’t rob all the casinos, save some for me. And if any drunk guys try to pick you u up, bust out the boyfriend card and tell ‘em “Sorry, I have 2 boyfriends” (lol)
    3:59p – HER: I’m not a gambler, drinker, smoker, but I do love getting dressed up and dancing the night away! So the casino’s money is safe and will remain the casino’s money. Two bfs...u. r. bad.
    [I ended it there]

    This is a holding pattern text because I know I'm not going to see her for a while. So step 3 was left out. The D1 close was actually done in person.

    It was good practice for me as well. I sparked her emotions, I built a connection (her sore leg) and even got her to qualify to me. I didn't want to get caught up in Fluff talk as she has lots to do in Vegas. The text did what it was suppose to do. Brief, left an emotional impact sufficient to stay on her radar.

    If I tried to close for D1 over text with a step 3 then I could've add/said something like this:

    ME: Well, when you get back from tearing up the dance floor and breaking hearts, I'm checking out a sushi restaurant on [X]. Come join me. By then, you should've worked up an appetite.

    This here is an example of external text game.

    Kyl3 brings up a good point on congruence, so it is important to text how you would normally talk. Luckily for me, I am already proven with this girl in person and in text.

    Usually when I text girls, i ask them how their day was, or how they are feeling. In my opinion I think its ok to send these types of messages since I've already met them, and I'm not trying to stand out - like i would when messaging a girl on an online dating website.
    It's not so much as to how well you know them, but how much value you have to them. I have a friend from TX who sends girls these kinds of messages who are in their Church fellowship that he knows well. He gets nada and whines to me that they don't respond. There is a good reason why. Normally, a girl is going about her daily business in what is called a "boredom trance" and she gets hit up by a generic text that sounds like something anyone can say to their neighbor. It''ll feel more of an obligation to respond out of politeness. That is not generating attraction. Either way, depending on how much value you have to them, they will either get back to you or put a response on the backburner. But to be safe, as T-Mal said, always be flirting. I say always be sparking their emotions in some positive way if the opportunity presents itself.

    I also mentioned that you should always have a goal in mind when you send a text - and that goal should ALWAYS move the interaction to a REAL conversation. Hence, yes, as Kyl3 said, texting should be used to set up logistics. But to even get to closing, you need to do your best to make sure the emotional checkpoints of what comes before are passed.

  3. #13
    SoccerMom69 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    Kyl3, I somewhat agree with you. Building attraction/comfort over text is not 100% possible (although there might be very little). I'm in highschool right now, so it's a bit different. Even then, everyone texts. There are tons of guides on texting and how to be successful at it. Could you go a little more in depth as to why you don't agree with flirting/building rapport over text? Its the weekend, I know I should have plans with girls and shit like that but I don't.

    Mortal thanks for your post - you cleared up a lot of my questions. Your idea of her being obligated to respond is genious and I agree completely agree with it. I'll be sure to never send those texts again. Could you go more in depth on value? It sounds really general and I know you've got some good stuff to say (lol).

    Honestly, I find my self different. Guys like you (Mortal) and T-Mal i find are like the extroverts who always say the right shit and people want to be around you. I'm more of an introvert - like James Marshall and even Ryan Gosling. My goal is to be like Ryan - he's humble at times and has a silent, deadly charismatic smile that drives girls nuts. If you youtube "Ryan Gosling's best scenes in Crazy Stupid Love" you'll know what im taling about. There's even a clip of him approaching 2 girls at a bar. If you like it I recommend you watch the film, I loved it.

    Back to what I was saying - I'm an introvert and honestly, I'm not very creative. I understand that from now on I should always be flirting and sparking her emotions - but I don't know quite how to do that or what exactly to say. I know everyone (betas) say "i dont know what to say!" or "what to say next!" but that's not exactly my problem. My problem is i cant think of creative, funny texts to send. I have read so many threads where T-Mal and other extroverts say the most brillant things and i go "holyshit, why can't i ever think of that?".

    HUGE thanks guys, I really appreciate it.

  4. #14
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    This is going to be a long post. Ugh. lol.

    1.) My god, what i'd give to be able to go back to high school. You are at an awesome point in your life, because as soon as you graduate, high school girls are off limit, unless you're "That guy" who's in college still dating high school girls.
    The awesome part is, college is 1000x better than high school, except the its expensive part.

    You also need to realize that high school girls are still immature, crazy, and don't know much on dating other than he's popular, I like him.

    1.) High school is nothing but social proof and extended social circle game. That's it. Get a huge group of friends and you're in with every girl. It's a lot easier said than done, and I never tried to do it in high school. I wasn't popular because I wasn't half-retarted like the druggy rich kids, who drove there dad's corvettes to school and acted like it was theirs. lol.

    Getting a huge social circle and shortcuts to making friends and building social proof, is another topic, which I plan on writing a master thread about in the future.

    Anyways, back to what you were saying.

    I'm going to tell you why I don't agree with those guides, I was actually going to write a thread on this also..

    Building attraction/comfort over text doesn't work for the long term, period. It may work somewhat in high-school, because the girls there don't have anything else going on in there lives other than maybe sports, and a hobby. In other words, they are low value girls for the most part, and never busy, so they can sit by on there phones to relieve boredom and text nice guys to fuel there self-esteem. You will understand how low value these girls are once you reach college and see the plethora of babes, trust me.

    1.) A girl can flake out on your text instantly, thus leaving you in a bad spot. Literally leaving you hanging.

    2.) You can't fuck a phone. Well maybe, let me know how that goes. You can fuck a girl by talking to her in person like a man. What sounds better?

    3.)Like I was stating in the above post, lets say you build super deep comfort and really know this girl over texting. Then you meet up with her in person for first time and you somehow haven't gotten thrown into the friend zone. What is it going to be like? Awkward. Why? Because you have a ton of comfort over texting, but you guys have never really talked, or even felt each others touch, yet you know each other so well. That's weird, and it makes for a weird hangout. Especially if you are not congruent what so ever.

    Where you can spare yourself the getting to know her over weeks texting, straight up tell her IN PERSON that you think she's really interesting and that you feel like you really connect with her, and honestly would love to hangout to get to know the real her some more. Then inviting her somewhere.

    For example, you're really funny and cocky to her and she's eating it up over text, and she agrees to meet you. Then in person, she meets you, and you're really nice, and shy, and sweet to her. She's going to be like wtf, you're not the type of person I thought you were in her head and lose all attraction for you. Every single bit.

    THOSE TEXTING GUIDES MAKE YOU INTO SOMEBODY YOUR NOT.
    Those texting guides work for that individual who created the guide. Specifically TMAL. I love his stuff, but they work for him because it's 100% congruent with who he is in person as well so the conversations are witty, clever, and NATURAL. They may not work on somebody who has a different personality.
    4.) She can get genuinely busy, and not text you back which could shaft you on trying to make plans. Or she can play games on response times, to get you to invest more. Don't get into the habit of playing texting games they're retarted.
    5.) If you say something AFC, she could screen-shot it and post it for all of the world to see on every social network pretty much making you look like a dweeb. Lol.
    6.) She can show her friends what you're texting her, and that could either lower your value or raise your value to there entire circle of friends. Probably lower it honestly.
    7.) You can come off as annoying and clingy by always texting her.
    8.)You can become her little dancing monkey or even worse, her texting buddy.
    9.) If you're always busy, and you're the shit, you don't have time to text anyways,
    10.) If makes you the chaser, and the pursuer, which gives her all the power for the most part if you don't play it off right.

    I could probably come up with a 100 reasons why texting ruins you. There's 10 off the top of my head.

    Just text less, and set up logistics with texting and you'll be fine, unless you actually want to become texting buddies with a girl to build your social circle, but that's a different topic.

    Btw some girls actually HATE TEXTING. So think about that.

    Thank you, I feel all giddy like a girl because somebody thinks my shit is clever. Lol.

    Don't think you can't become extroverted too, it just takes practice and time man. You can't become a bodybuilder overnight. Same with being good with girls. It takes time and practice.

    "Back to what I was saying - I'm an introvert and honestly, I'm not very creative. I understand that from now on I should always be flirting and sparking her emotions - but I don't know quite how to do that or what exactly to say. I know everyone (betas) say "i dont know what to say!" or "what to say next!" but that's not exactly my problem. My problem is i cant think of creative, funny texts to send. I have read so many threads where T-Mal and other extroverts say the most brillant things and i go "holyshit, why can't i ever think of that?". "

    Goes back to what I was saying. Stop worrying about texting and worry about your in person interactions with girls. If you need help with building attraction in person, or comfort in person, there's a lot of guides on that. I can help you with that. What I refuse to help you with, is trying to build a ton of attraction and comfort over texting. It's doing shit the hard, long, weird way, and I don't like that.

    We stream-line shit about gettin gurls round hurr boyz.

  5. #15
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    Mortal thanks for your post - you cleared up a lot of my questions. Your idea of her being obligated to respond is genious and I agree completely agree with it. I'll be sure to never send those texts again. Could you go more in depth on value? It sounds really general and I know you've got some good stuff to say (lol).
    Value can be various things. It could be your social value or the emotional value she places on you from the time you met in person and the impression you made on her. You are in HS so I will try to use something you can relate to. Let's say you are all state quarterback for your HS football team, good looking, nice body and popular as hell. A lot of girls are nuts about you and your name is the center of gossip. Your status is up there and we all know women are attracted to the perception of status. You hit up a girl, could be any girl on the HS social hierarchy. You send her a generic text. She places priority on your text because your value is high. You don't have to work so hard vs. if you are some meek average joe student who is pretty much unknown (until he is a victim of a school shooting.)

    So it goes back to my original point that it's not a matter of how long you know the girl. If you knew a girl for a while, but you are considered as an acquaintance not in her immediate social circle rather than a close friend or a guy she is attracted to, all that time is irrelevant. You can also know her as long as you want, but if you are a needy friend that doesn't bring much to the table of friendship, then chances are your value to her is low.

    If you are a not-high status guy and you meet a girl and there is this serendipity effect and you are both attracted to each other and you hit it off, then your value to her is high.

    So what Kyl3 is saying is that if you can make that powerful impact in person at the time you n-close (getting your value high up there), you don't have to worry much about text game. And that is very true. Think about the 97% of the population who are not players and how couples meet. And think about the 90s when there were no cellphones.

    As for the introvert vs. extrovert, I totally feel you because I was never a social butterfly myself, but I would like to comment on that. Before you rule yourself out, really look into yourself. You have guy friends right? Do you make your close buddies you know well and those that you are comfortable around with laugh at times? Are you more relaxed around them and act differently with them than people you don't know well? If your answer is yes, which I am certain it is, then you are not a lost cause. All it takes is bringing over (transposing) the comfortable YOU to an environment where you are not ordinarily comfortable in. The trick is breaking that barrier and once you succeed in doing that...that is not called being you, but being THE BEST OF YOU.

    Contrary to what you think, I was never always a social butterfly. I went to an all boy highschool because my strict mom stressed education over social life. If you saw me in HS, I was considered the opposite. People always say I was very quiet. I definitely was not confident and was clueless around women. Guys in ROTC thought I was awkward. When I became a writer at age 30, it hurt me more so. Writing requires solitude, solitude breeds introvertism. So I had it really bad. When I got older I learned that successful people in life are those with strong networking and social skills. Your networth is equal to your network. So I had the willpower and desire to transform to find balance in my life. So I believe it can be done. Calling yourself an introvert is giving up too easy.

    There is one thing you should learn as well. You don't need to be a playful person or have a rapier wit (although those help). It's is called the language of emotion and speaking to women on an emotional level to incite their brains. Teases/flirts are just the surface of it all as it is more complicated than that. I think anyone can learn it. Hell, if you can learn a foreign language, you can learn this. But like a foreign language, it takes time, practice, application to be fluent in. So the best way to get good at say Japanese is to live in Japan and talk to Japanese. The best way to get good at the language of emotion is to talk to women in the field.

    Crazy, Stupid, Love...I know that movie well and of the writer Dan Fogelman because I work in the film industry. All I can say is don't listen to anything Hollywood shows you on the silver screen. It doesn't equal real life. It's not even Show Art, it's show business. Dan Fogelman the screenwriter is not a PUA and his portrayal of Ryan Gosling is the stereotypical romanticized ladykiller that the women want to see. I can point out so many flaws in that.

    James Marshall is pretty much deadpan like Mystery, Nick Savoy and many many PUA coaches. There is no charisma. There is a saying that "A fisherman can smell another fisherman from a mile away." Just hearing the questions he asks women, he is trained in the Venusian Arts. Every question, every line out of his mouth has a purpose to make a woman feel a certain way.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    My friend set me up on a blind date with his girl and her sister.He set us up to go bowling on Saturday night, they got there first, they texted us they were there, we arrived 5 minutes later, we got there met up and I introduced myself, and shook their hand, they seemed to be impressed, they looked at each other and smiled, anyways we were ready to bowl but all the lanes were taken, we had to wait an hour to a lane to open, so we were there talking about ourselves, DHVed and made the girls talk about themselves, teased them a bid made them laugh a lot, the conversation went ok, before we could bowl their parents called them to be home, so we bid farewell. I didn't number closed or kinoed the entire time except handshake
    I felt like that was a fail.
    They mentioned to re-schedule for next week.
    sounds like you had no problem with the date, aside from having some anxiety about number closing.

    I used to be afraid of getting girls numbers (like 2 years ago when I first started pua) I would make a big deal out of it. however, I soon learned something,
    if you make a big deal out of getting the girls number, she will make a big deal out of giving it to you.

    I came to get good at getting girls numbers. that was when I realized just how easy it is if you don't make a big deal out of it.

    I literally decided one day that I would see how little I could say to a girl and still get the number.
    I walked up to this girl on campus and introduced myself.

    me: hey, I don't believe we've met, I'm (my name)
    her: (bashfully) I'm Nicole, nice to meet you. I'm actually new here.
    me: Nicole, that's a pretty name, how do you spell that? (as she spelled her name out, I typed it into my "add new contacts bar" in my phone)
    her: N I C O L E Nicole
    me: here (I handed her my phone with the add new contacts page pulled up where I had typed her name in, she eagerly typed her number)
    (we talked a little bit after that)

    getting a girls number is as easy as you make it. most girls will hand their numbers out like candy (even the hot ones)

    getting her number should be as simple as handing her your phone and telling her to put her number in.

  7. #17
    SoccerMom69 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    Mortal, you touched upon the importance of a conversation when speaking to women. That sparked my attention You said that you don't need to be playful (which I disagree. Don't you need to be constantly flirting and being playful ALL the time?) but rather learn how to speak to speak to women on an emotional level. Could you please go more in depth on how to do this? I understand that teases and flirts are the surface - but I don't know anything else lol.

    Is it bad to be an introvert? I never thought of it as a bad thing. But it wasn't until now that I realized people don't want to be around introverts. I thought it would be a good idea to mimics James' personality - is it not? You said every line out of his mouth has a purpose and makes women feel a certain way. How so?

  8. #18
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I better at dates? How to fallow up after?I suck;Help!

    Mortal, you touched upon the importance of a conversation when speaking to women. That sparked my attention You said that you don't need to be playful (which I disagree. Don't you need to be constantly flirting and being playful ALL the time?) but rather learn how to speak to speak to women on an emotional level. Could you please go more in depth on how to do this? I understand that teases and flirts are the surface - but I don't know anything else lol.
    I said you don't have to be a playful person vs. if you are a more serious type of person. There are lots of guys like that. They are more serious. Their minds think more clinically/logically like a lot of intellectuals. But they can still learn a foreign language. And when you speak/interpret a foreign language, despite your first language, your mind needs to shift gears. And no, you don't have to be flirting and be playful ALL THE TIME. I mean, think about it, which normal person does that? That's not being congruent. You need your normal conversations/banter here and then. You also need your serious conversations. Basically, you need to change things up and keep a girl on her toes.

    I can't go into much depth in how to do this because there is too much to cover and there is a pretty good guide out there that I felt summed it up. Mehow's guide to 3 second attraction is a nice compilation of many PUA's work, finding what they had in common in terms of the language of emotion, breaks them down (almost scientifically) and gives tons of examples. To be honest, a lot of it will sound like silly talk and you might even feel silly to talk like that in a non sensical way, but it's not suppose to be serious. I suggest you invest in getting it.

    Is it bad to be an introvert? I never thought of it as a bad thing. But it wasn't until now that I realized people don't want to be around introverts. I thought it would be a good idea to mimics James' personality - is it not? You said every line out of his mouth has a purpose and makes women feel a certain way. How so?
    From my life experiences, being an introvert has never done me any good. You can't network effectively if you are an introvert. Once you step out into the real world, you will see for yourself that we live in a very social world and no matter what profession you are in, it's people making other people. That is why you hear the saying "It's not what you know but who you know." Go read the book "Rich Man Poor Man"

    The stuff that James Marshall says...Off the top of my head in one of his pickups. "You look like a cool person. What kind of cool things do you like to do?" Do you know how many times I heard this in other PUAs in-field pickup videos? It's almost a cliche line.


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