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Thread: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

  1. #11
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    "i swear ill respond to alla that in the morning

    i just won't be able to write cohesive sentences until then haha

    sleep time 4amy"


    No matter what she replies with I'm going to not take no for an answer for hanging out later this week in some way or another.

  2. #12
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Just playfully tease her 'geez im not asking you to marry me'

    Personally I don't really pay much attention to womens commitments or long term goals are. I get them, I date them, I sleep with them...then its usually my choice if it blossoms into a relationship or not. The whole 'Im not sure i want a relationship right now' or 'Im not ready' is irrelevant to me and i wouldnt even enter into a conversation about understanding her or being in a similar situation. I just make a girl want me on a fundamental level and then make bold physical moves.

    Id ignore what she says about long term relationships, study commitments, the whole 8 weeks to go thing and just have fun...as soon as you are actually out in person with her be completely physical.

    She has already said yes to sex before on a fundamental level so keep that in your mind to boost your confidence. Your acting needy and afraid to neg her. I would actively start pursuing other girls as a matter of course.

    Also avoid saying get back to me or apologising. Be strong.

  3. #13
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Yeah don't worry. Now that it's out there I'm going to be very short with her and not drag it out into some life realization talk. Once again I agree with your comments and am learning from them. She is very liberal though. I have to at least show or act where she is coming from in some sense.

    I actually was doing a great job of NEGing her initially, then this slump occurred and if I had done it anymore it just would have come off awkwardly. In person I will start it again and don't worry, will be physical with Kino. Now that I know where she's at with me I have no problems with being more aggressive. That first date half of it was spent feeling each other out and the other half was us just being exhausted.

    I think that the message sent was needy, yes, but shows her I'm still interested and was a last ditch wild card move. 3 weeks is a long time and obviously something had to be done and I'm not going to waste 3 days messaging and talking only to have her be flaky when it comes to going out the day of.

    Haha that line is good, I will probably use it tomorrow after she sends me a long ass reply and just get her to see me in person or plan on it soon within this week. I was also thinking about using a time constraint if she continues to ponder what she should do and just let her know that I'm not waiting for her; she should know that from weekend pictures. & of course I am always actively pursuing other women, unfortunately none have come around lately besides her weeks ago.

  4. #14
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    She didn't reply. I started a small convo up with her and brought it up. Then she didn't reply again. Guess she doesn't want the added stress of even talking about it. Sounds like this is over. The only thing at this point I can do is small talk her and flirt or Freeze-Out.

    I'm leaning towards the small talk honestly after Dragon's comments. I'm usually the nice guy but now I'm pissed off and when I'm pissed off I'm a dick and when I'm a dick I have game. In a few days when she's up alone in the dark at her apartment sitting on Facebook at 2 3am I'm going to make her laugh, I'm going to make her smile, and most importantly I'm going to make her wet, and wish she was over here.

  5. #15
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Well if you want to be bold, are feeling frustrated and think it's over delete her from your facebook and phone. If she gets pissed and asks why tell her because she never responds so what's the point. Why flog a dead horse, just start dating other girls. If she comes back great, if not it doesn't matter because your onto the next exciting chapter of your life. There's absolutely no point getting angry over this girl. Rise above it and focus your energy on other girls.

    If she pulls out the line 'but were friends aren't we?' say 'what, did you want me to tag along with you handbag shopping? I wanna kiss your whole body head to toe, I don't wanna play COD online with you'

  6. #16
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    I already asked another girl out for drinks on Thursday who is actually more attractive and normal. The fact that girl 1 stayed the night in my bed (and we didn't have sex) is what got me so fixated, but time will fix that.

    Personally I don't see the point in deleting her from my phone book and Facebook. I think not replying to her suffices & being online at 3am while she is and not contacting her. She'll get irritated/curious to what I've been up to, message me, then eventually double text. I'll reply then with straight up flirtatiousness, no more small talk/getting to know each other since she's interested in me "but doesn't know what she wants". --- get real.


    Hahaha that's a great line and so true. This chick seems like a freak so I'm sure she'll love the asshole and flirty routine.

  7. #17
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Quote Originally Posted by freestylpolaris View Post
    I think not replying to her suffices & being online at 3am while she is and not contacting her. She'll get irritated/curious to what I've been up to, message me, then eventually double text...since she's interested in me "but doesn't know what she wants".
    If she was curious/irritated...watching intently when you're online or not, wanting to know what you're up to she would be already sleeping with you. She WAS interested in you but right now she is simply not responding to you fully and that's not normally a good sign. Her study, time frames, commitments are all irrelevant. My bet is she actually does know exactly what she wants but unfortunately you have tripped over a few times clouding how she perceives you.

    Rebuild attraction or cut her loose ruthlessly.

    Sometimes you just need to be bold to bring it to a boil. Tell her you're on you're way over to her house right now with a bottle of wine and see how she reacts. Of course you're half joking/calling her bluff but you can gauge her reaction from it and possibly she'll even love that forwardness. It will at the very least get her blood racing. 'What? your driving over NOW??' If she is repelled completely at the idea, well you get the picture, and anyway you can parole yourself out of it easily by turning it back on her 'lol, I was joking'.

    Or find another girl and start posting your pics on facebook of you too together. Make it natural. See how she reacts. Of course if you're really dating someone else better you wouldn't even worrying about what she thinks anymore. Personally I don't like or use those kind of immature jealously tactics.

    Or delete her from your life. You won't be bothered about her ever again. You send a message she had a chance and lost it and you are courageous enough to move onwards and upwards with your life. You delete her because she doesn't respond or want to meet you and you need to move on. Good looking girls in particular are not used to guys deleting them. It's a brave move and can empower you.

  8. #18
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Good advice. Right now I am just stuck at the decision of trying to re-build attraction soon while I'm still relevant, or cutting loose entirely and hoping for some signal. As it stands my Facebook is de-activated which last time freaked her out & personally I have no immediate plans to contact her unless advised otherwise and it makes sense.

    On one of your earlier posts you said jump in while it's hot. If I do decide to attempt re-building attraction now that the above has happened do you think it'd be a good idea to wait a while (3 days to a week) before trying to contact her again or just go right back into the fray? Basically if this were you what would you do? One part of me says wait otherwise you'll look weak and needy the other part says how much more damage can you do, and you already have another date lined up for later this week.

    If jumping right back in I have no intention of small talk, basically straight to the flirtatiousness. She's sitting at home every night alone at 3 4am on Facebook, it shouldn't be too hard to get her going. (she even mentioned once that she sits in her room naked often) She definitely loves the suspense of it too since she's asked me a few questions on the more risky side of things before.

    I realize I'm playing a dead tune here, & should move on. I just don't like to lose, and no girl gives me blue balls and gets away with it.

  9. #19
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    If she is not responding at the moment yeah wait a few days. Sometimes the best opener is just 'hey'. If she writes back and is chatty then gauge her mood and receptiveness. Then be spontaneous in building attraction or sexual escalation. Calibrate to her mood.

    Sometimes girls can be fairly responsive through empathy too, like how your pet is sick and you need to take it to the vet or you have something heroic you need to do and you're focussed on it. You don't want to be AFC or her taking pity on you or anything, just getting her emotionally engaged and talkative.

    I don't really ever focus on how much time I'm leaving between contacting. Girls I like to be with or chat to tend to be responsive anyway so usually they always write back relatively quickly. For me it's more about what you say rather than how long to wait before saying it. I don't bother much with girls who write back too sporadicly. They don't have to write all the time but if there can be some sort of back and forth intense conversation here and there it's ok. I also tend to like fairly narcissitic girls too...ones that like to take and send me photos etc.

  10. #20
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Yeah I was just going to go with "Hey Nerd". (She's a bookworm) Might even tonight if I am in the mood. Needed that good night of sleep I got last night to be myself again and quit worrying so damn much about 1 girl.

    Will do some small talk, escalate, then probably just sign off randomly and wait til Sunday to talk to her when I'm back from Chicago. I kinda analyzed the whole situation and she probably just thinks I don't understand what she wants with the whole situation, which I do now. She basically doesn't want to get involved with someone and get attached but at the same time thinks I'm attractive and such. She wants no seriousness at this point just fun. One side of her is being responsible and one side of her is saying go for it (otherwise she would have never contacting me in the first place) and I just need to get that one side of her to come out by being flirtatious, funny, and basically making it so she cannot resist saying yes.


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