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Thread: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

  1. #1
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Met her a few weeks ago at a party but did not get the chance to get her number. She stalked me on Facebook and found me, then added me. We talked for a bit then I got her number. The first time hanging out together she stayed the night here. Great conversations, tons of Kino, movies; she even stayed the night in my bed with me (no sex though). Next day she said we'd see each other soon, texted me apologizing if she was a tease, and invited me to stay the night at her place (I had to decline due to school).

    It is 3 weeks later now and we still have not hung out again. Obviously at first she wanted to see me, since she asked me to stay the night and said don't worry about the action-less night, that I'd be seeing her again soon, so I'm not sure what happened. She mentioned she was going to be getting really busy with her senior school-work, working, and spending time with her roommates before graduating in 8 weeks but no excuse for not even one hangout in 3 weeks. The first week we talked a lot via text and Facebook and she even hinted at dating me. Then progressively less and less talking.

    This last week especially she's been flaky with responses so I've dropped contacting her entirely except through snap chat which she did reply to today. It's been 3 days since we've talked to each other, the last thing I sent was "Let's do something tonight" small convo occurs with her stating she's tired "I just got out of the gym what are you going to do for the night?" No reply. It's also worth noting that she is CONSTANTLY on Facebook chat desktop version on & off, especially at crazy late hours (where only a few people such as myself would even be online). It could be possible that she's checking on me/waiting for me to message her; one week prior I deleted my Facebook and two hours later she texted me regarding that as the topic.

    Any advice on where to go from here? Is Freezing Her Out for a week the best solution at this point then shooting for a date or hang-out? Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    You have double posted and I responded to your other post.

    There's no reason for a short Freeze Out and study is rarely an excuse. If a girl wants to meet you she will irrelevent of whats going on in her life (exluding genuine health, family or work commitments).

    She has lost interest because you did not have sex when she slept over and you did not follow through the next night when she offered (why is school an excuse? You could have studied at her house and got laid).

    The momentum has died. Either rapidly re-build attraction so she wants to chat to you or ignore her alltogether and work on another girl completely. By weakly stabbing at 'lets meet up' here and there you weaken the situation. I would not take no for an answer the first time and I would be aiming at giving her some kind of enticing reason to meet with you or at the least talk to you. If she has already stayed the night and you made out in some way you should have already opened the gates to sexual flirtation. Get her emotionally charged again rather than becoming a calender chore. You can also ask girls out in ways that don't leave you stranded or needy 'Im heading our with some friends tonight to this awesome spot, you should come by and hang out'. You're having a blast in life irrelevent of her. She is missing out if she rejects and you get time out with your friends and another opportunity to meet even newer girls.

    Quite often when a girl is flaking or not responding it is simply because they have found someone else.

  3. #3
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Deleting other post; meant for that post to be towards "how to ask her out again" & this one just for the overall situation as to whether or not to still even go for her. I had three tests the next day, there was no way I could have went there and studied. Believe me, you have no idea how badly I wanted to go over there and spend the night. I AM no longer on her top friends for snap chat so meh, maybe she did meet someone else who knows.

    Any advice on how to re-build attraction or how to re-entice via text? I wish she wasn't so dependent on it, I'm a talker not a texter.

    This Thursday instead of trying for a 1 on 1 hangout again I'll invite her to come out with a group instead most likely.

  4. #4
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Also I am very tempted to just be straight with her and asked what happened. This is a no-no correct?

  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Quote Originally Posted by freestylpolaris View Post
    Any advice on how to re-build attraction or how to re-entice via text? I wish she wasn't so dependent on it, I'm a talker not a texter.

    This Thursday instead of trying for a 1 on 1 hangout again I'll invite her to come out with a group instead most likely.
    Text exactly how you talk. It's really no different in essence. Sometimes you don't even need to talk. Go out with your friends and send a picture of your drink or you looking daper with a drool emoticon symbol. She's missing out. Talk about all the awesome things you have been doing without care of her response and she will be missing out. Go out with some friends that have hot girlfriends and post pics to facebook showing you have social value and potential women interested in you, that she is missing out on.

    Ask her provocative questions 'what are you wearing? What colour panties are you wearing?', 'feeling tired huh? Well imagine me tracing kisses down your neck... sleeping beauty '. 'Oh you can't meet up? Shame...I had a suprise for you...(a kiss can be the suprise)' 3am 'hey nerd, go to bed!! '

    You could, as a wildcard, call her out on her feelings 'Do you want to see me again? Do you miss me? Are you seeing anyone at the moment?'. Sometimes it's effective to bring it to a boil and find out exactly where she stands rather than worrying about situations you don't actually know the full scope of - or wasting effort on trying to rebuild attraction when she's already started dating someone else but is keeping you in the loop in case it backfires. In fact that might be the first thing you try suss out before wasting any more energy on this girl.

  6. #6
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Man I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your advice. Been outta the game for awhile, and was never very good to begin with.

    As we speak I am escalating into "Are you still interested in seeing me" or something along those lines. We ran into a convo about the first time she met me so I'm trying to be flirty with it and ask her what she thought of me the first time she met me and then go from there. Cheers! I'll let you guys know how it goes. Either way at least I'll have an answer.

  7. #7
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Quote Originally Posted by freestylpolaris View Post
    Also I am very tempted to just be straight with her and asked what happened. This is a no-no correct?
    I just saw this after I posted. In your situation it could be worthwhile in preventing you from wasting time and energy. She may also appreciate your direct maturity and honesty in wanting to know. Remember she already apologized about teasing you - what else is she teasing you with? I wouldn't ask her what happened between you two, if you are going to ask then ask directly if she is seeing someone else. Avoid a conversation that potentially puts you down and instead flip it around on her.

    Generally however there are ways to work it out without actually asking her...by the way she ignores you first and foremost. Many times a girl flakes after showing initial interest is simply because she is dating or found someone else. Timing is a very important thing. Sometimes it's just not the right time, or if you don't take an opportunity when its presented it may not come around again or some other alpha male comes in and gets her out of the blue.

  8. #8
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Quote Originally Posted by freestylpolaris View Post
    Man I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your advice. Been outta the game for awhile, and was never very good to begin with.

    As we speak I am escalating into "Are you still interested in seeing me" or something along those lines. We ran into a convo about the first time she met me so I'm trying to be flirty with it and ask her what she thought of me the first time she met me and then go from there. Cheers! I'll let you guys know how it goes. Either way at least I'll have an answer.
    I would mine that completely...keep getting her to admit and demonstrate what she finds attractive about you and steer that towards sexual excalation.

  9. #9
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    Worry about it for weeks--- come on the forums and resolve it within a night. Thanks guys. We are having a conversation right now about how she graduates in 8 weeks and is afraid to start having feelings for someone when she doesn't know where life is going to take her. Just seems like she has a lot on her plate right now and unfortunately for me I appeared right smack dab in the middle of it. BUT we've come to an agreement to just go with the flow and see what happens and take it from there.

  10. #10
    freestylpolaris is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Bordering the friend zone. Need help before too late!

    For better or for worse here is the conversation. It is done and now no more games or worrying.


    "Do you want to see me again?"


    "I mean yes but also I was serious with myself when I said focus on school and graduating and friends lol so I feel like I should probably hold to that if it's important to me. That doesn't mean I wouldn't hang again, it just means I feel incredibly silly getting involved with anyone at this time in my life. I just wanna gradddduate
    4:30am is also probably not the absolute best time for me to be giving myself life adivice"


    "Ok yeah maybe not the best time to ask haha, I just had to get it off my chest. I honestly didn't know where I stood and if I was being too pushy with trying to get you to hang out. I understand about the graduating completely; it is also why I was pushing to hang out so much, since you're gone so soon
    & don't get me wrong I'm on your side. In your situation I'm at the bottom of the totem pole when you've been building other relationships here for years and I just pop up (Even IF I am incredibly handsome and awesome )"


    No reply, signs off. Fuck it at this point, if i'm this far I'm going all the way. She probably just can't think clearly at this point in the night and needs to think on things.



    "Just think about it some when you're not exhausted & get back to me. We had a really great time that night and even if you're only here 8 more weeks that's 8 more weeks of awesome conversations, movies, junk food, Maggie's, going out, etc. I'm obviously not going to push you towards dating or anything when you're graduating, just am interested in you and would rather have a great time with you in these remaining weeks than not. We're both always up til fuckin 5am anyways all the time (that needs to change haha)"


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