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  • 1 Post By Kyl3
  • 1 Post By Vicodin24

Thread: Alpha way to end FWB?

  1. #1
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Alpha way to end FWB?

    So I met this HB a couple of months ago and have been sleeping with her pretty regularly since. technically 'fwb' but we also hang out a fair bit and stay over at each other's house.

    She got drunk a couple of weeks ago and put the relationship talk on me but I told her I wasn't going to discuss it drunk. She flipped her shit, we had a fight and she went home.
    The next day, after some serious pressing from me, she finally started to talk and she basically said that she didn't know what she wanted and didn't know why she brought it up. I told her to go and work out what it is she wants and talk to me later about it.

    Since then she has said that she doesn't want a relationship atm because of a few different reasons. The main ones were "everybody get's screwed over by relationships" and she thinks we want different things (she doesn't see herself living here for the rest of her life).
    She also wants to keep what we have going. (Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?)

    Now that I've thought about it for about a week I don't really want to keep this going if it's not going to grow into something more. I think there a some feelings involved that will only turn out bad if we continue. I also think that she may be a bit scared or embarrassed to lay her cards on the table first with how she really feels, which is annoying because I normally wait for the girl to bring this shit up but that didn't end too well last time lol

    So basically, I just need some help & ideas approaching & discussing where we are going to go from here, either it evolves or it stops. Every scenario I have come up with so far sounds needy & AFC :/ And I'm probably overthinking it too

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Kyl3's Avatar
    Kyl3 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Alpha way to end FWB?

    Sorry I'm busy so I can't give a full response.

    In your case, YOU KNOW what you want. She seems like she'd be receptive to what you have to say. She obviously has feelings for you somewhat to bring it up.

    Lay your cards down. Tell her exactly how you feel, & what you want, & if she doesn't want it or feel the same, that you're walking away. THEN actually walk away. Move on.

    You need to do this in person. Not over text/anything. ITS GOING TO TAKE SERIOUS BALLS TO DO IN PERSON. That's why it must be done in person. More of an emotional impact, more connection, just do it in person, alone.

    Other experts will probably agree, I'm curious to hear what they have to say.

  3. #3
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    Vicodin24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Alpha way to end FWB?

    I'm gonna give you the whole "it's not real" speech first:

    A few months? Regular sex? Say hello to oxytocin! What you might be experiencing is just the honeymoon stage of your relationship with her. Plus, it sounds like you got really comfortable with her - hanging out, staying over, etc. I think you see my point here. Anyway, make absolutely sure that this is NOT what you're experiencing.

    And now, say hello to my sappy side:

    "Everybody gets screwed over by relationships"
    Tell her to suck it up (pun intended). You're adults, for fcks sake; this high school mentality should have been long gone. Your reply: "We're smarter than that. We're not children. I want to know what's fun for you, what makes you smile, what turns you on, WHAT MAKES YOU CRAZY AND SOAKING WET, I want to know what it takes to make you laugh, I want to know everything. (taken from http://www.puaforums.com/picking-up-...%27s+bombshell)"

    Ok, not as sappy as I thought, but there's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, either. Once in a while, it's ok to show your sensitive side, but don't overdo it. I can't really tell you how to do that because when it comes to stuff like this, everyone is different. Key points: Be honest and be decisive. Don't say "I think" or "maybe;" you KNOW what you want - go get it.

    As for her not seeing herself living near you in the future, don't mind it. Lots of people have these escapist ideas/fantasies. Rarely do they ever act on them.
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  4. #4
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Alpha way to end FWB?

    Thanks heaps,

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyl3 View Post
    Sorry I'm busy so I can't give a full response.
    Not at all mate, every little bit helps.


    I don't talk about things like this unless it's in person & sober anyway (Which is why we ended up in a big fight the first time she brought it up). I have a rule; "if you can't say it sober, then don't say it at all!! Grow a pair and man up!!"

    Haha at oxytocin!! good old hormones messing with our heads hey!?

    I think I'm struggling a bit with all this 'feelings' business!! I'm not used to it and it all just sounds so AFC in my head. Just the next step in my game progress I guess

    Quote Originally Posted by Vicodin24 View Post
    "We're smarter than that. We're not children. I want to know what's fun for you, what makes you smile, what turns you on, WHAT MAKES YOU CRAZY AND SOAKING WET, I want to know what it takes to make you laugh, I want to know everything.
    I love this line!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Vicodin24 View Post
    Key points: Be honest and be decisive. Don't say "I think" or "maybe;" you KNOW what you want - go get it.
    This is exactly what I was after, thanks heaps mate!! Just need to choose the right moment.
    Do you guys think there is a perfect time & place?


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