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  • 1 Post By T-Mal
  • 1 Post By kylemc

Thread: When to say "I Love You"

  1. #1
    99Problems is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default When to say "I Love You"

    Hey guys,

    I'm now in a relationship... my very first and here is the background:

    Became friends with her back in April and after a while we started dating around once a week or so. As of about 1 week ago we are in an official relationship. We kiss a lot and have some intimacy/Kino but no sex as of yet - she is afraid of getting pregnant and is awaiting a doctors appointment to go on the pill/implant/contraceptive. I am taking her to away on holidays for a weekend to the beach and will be staying in a nice hotel. We have talked about sex and the idea is for her to have the contraceptive sorted for us going away.

    Since the location will be romantic and at the beach, and since we have dated for months and will also be in a relationship for 1 month by the time we head away, I was thinking of saying the L word then. I'm assuming I should say it before we have sex for the first time with each other? Was thinking of saying it on the beach after we kiss on the first day/evening that we are there.

    Is this a good idea? Any advice?

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    It only matters that you MEAN it when you say it... Not so much "when".
    (As long as it's not within the first few days)
    ;-)

    Usually you can make hints & get the girl to say it first.
    (Recommend)


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  3. #3
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    Man don't be dumb wear a condom! Don't just assume the pill will stop her from getting pregnant if she forgets to take it one day she'll end up pregnant.

    IMO for the "I love you" I think you should only say it when you really mean it and rarely ever use it so its always seen genuine when you do use it....
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  4. #4
    99Problems is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    How specifically do I make hints and get her to say it first?

    I think she slipped the love word in a telephone conversation we had recently... but quickly tried to cover it up in a joking manner (she sometimes likes to tease me). I didn't hear it 100% but i'm pretty certain that's the word she said.

    When I say it I will mean it of course, just don't want to say it too soon or at the wrong time... im new to all this.

    Quote Originally Posted by kylemc View Post
    Man don't be dumb wear a condom! Don't just assume the pill will stop her from getting pregnant if she forgets to take it one day she'll end up pregnant.
    We will be using both.

  5. #5
    WillEdward's Avatar
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    You don't need to love someone to have sex with them and you shouldn't just say it if you dont mean it just to have sex. If she is worried about getting pregnant, just wear a condom. You should have sex with a girl as soon as possible. It just makes everything easier.
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  6. #6
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    This is really important, do you love her?

    and secondly, as rick astley once famously asked, what is love?

    Really pay attention to your feelings around this. Make sure they are real.

    If she already said it, even accidentally, don't try to make her say it again. Go ahead and assume she'll reciprocate.

    Lastly, you are embarking on a wonderfully rewarding but dangerous road. I recommend you pay attention and make efforts to maintain an alpha mentality throughout your relationship with her to keep the attraction going. You have to be aware of something called alpha to beta programming. I'm telling you this because I hate to see love affairs go sour. Continue posting your progress here because it's only just begun.

  7. #7
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    You sound like you're still in the honey moon stages... And you havent even had sex yet. Have you guys seen eachh other naked at least?

    Im a big believer in saying things in the moment but i also realize the moment i am in them or at least try to. Honestly i dont think most people know what live is until youve had at least a few fights and make up sex. Love is apart of the idea that you are commited thick and thin. If you're still taking things slow--take it slow and say it when things have been prove to you. Saying i love you is a big step--not as big as a ring on a finger but almost as big as movig in together.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    I hate to disagree with a group of people that I have such a high respect for. But I don't think that it is being taken into consideration that this is a "first love" situation. I am assuming based on the information given so far that it is the same for her as well. This may be a bad assumption though so it is up to the OP to clarify their individual histories. Are you a virgin? is she? has she been in a relationship before? did it end badly? was it abusive? Were either of you abused as children? heavily neglected? Any family history of substance abuse?

    If my assumption is correct though, that they are both new to love, then I don't think our hero is doing anything wrong. The only pitfall for him is beta programming within the relationship. I feel very strongly about this. Perhaps vicariously.

    I very much believe that pick up is only necessary amongst people damaged from previous relationships. Maybe this is naive and/or idealistic. But two undamaged people only need to worry about maintaining attractiveness. From what I've read, both people in this situation are already doing that.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: When to say "I Love You"

    I would agree with you daffyff but what we experience through media is different than what we experience through trial and error for defining love. Yes there is nothing wrong in saying it other than scaring off a woman if she's not ready to hear that. Women have more time spending about what they defineto be boundaries and having such walls up because men for the most part don't seem to understand how to read them.

    In the end its his call to say it or not.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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