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Thread: Partner's past

  1. #1
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Partner's past

    Dear all,

    I am quite inexperienced with LTR's. I've always had problem with allowing my feelings to progress too much. You risk a lot and nothing is ever perfect. As a guy I have always flirted with women. But I also had the idea that my lady should be contained in that aspect. Not just during the present time but in the past as well. So I am seeking advice from you.

    My partner is a beautiful lady, really over the charts. Her personality suits me and vice-versa, I know how we both can't envison life without each other anymore. Back in the days she never really had any serious relationships, mostly friends with benefits. While I can't say I've been any different it annoys me knowing of her past. She'd always be willing to flirt back then. Nowadays she literally stopped to an extent that the circle of people that talk to her is reduced to me, family members and some female friends (i know this for a fact).

    The past still haunts me a bit. It can be a tad of insecurity alongside with inexperience in a LTR. I'm reaching that point of no return in which I love her to bits and getting stabbed in the heart would be too painful.

    Always had a positive approach to life and that's what led to her fully committing to me. But I can't say I am not afraid or insecure.

    Do you think all these worries and bad vibes are unfounded? Anyone with similar experience and/or good advice can enlighten me to how I should deal with her past?

    Live, laugh, love,

    Jok3r
    Veni, vidi, vici.

  2. #2
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    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Partner's past

    Living in the past will keep you from progression, and hold you prisoner in a bad place.

    The past belongs in the past. And to let it bother you means you have a lot of growing up to do.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Partner's past

    Thanks

    Two things though:
    - I am a competitive athlete and therefore this might as well just be an hormonal imbalance talking.
    - it comes from our start of relationship looking like a FWB.

    And actually a third thing. It does not bother me to such an high extent. It comes and goes, and I really never show her that it bothers me since I know it is my own fault. This served more as a way for me to see my fears in writing and allow myself a public beatdown to wake me up.

    Respectfully yours,

    Jok3r
    Veni, vidi, vici.

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Partner's past

    You have to have strong inner game. She is allowed her past and you too. That's what brought you both together for the right timing NOW. If you are strong in your inner game you won't fear loosing her or worrying about getting hurt because a) it would be her loss, she simply won't find better than you and b) you would eventually find someone just as good anyway even if it all crumbled.

    Love is about appreciation not possession.

    Learn to cook really well.

  5. #5
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Partner's past

    Dear All,

    Just to give you an update on this situation and let go a bit of my nuisances and rage over here. My girlfriend has changed completely her approach in life since we met. She does not chat up any other guys or even wishes to do so. She has been extremely respectful, but I get enraged as soon as I hear the word "Friend". She never had any serious relationships and her past relationships she never called her partners as boyfriends. She'd explicitly tell them they were only close friends, nothing more than that. She's explained to me that'd be because she wanted nothing serious but she was faithful regardless of that. When I came into the picture that changed. She's the first boyfriend she's considered to have and in all fairness, she's also the first girlfriend I've had (all past flings don't count, they were single irrelevant catches).

    Now there's still a fucking issue with that word that revolves in my mind. We had a discussion the other day when she asked me what would be my reaction if she'd meet a friend. I've told her, provided that you remain faithful I can't really give two shits about it. She's also reassured me she'd never go to their places because she's also aware of their intentions and since she respects me she does not want to deal with that.

    Now, why the fuck does the idea of male friends still annoys me? I know this boils down to insecurity but it also pisses me off that she even has to make an effort to avoid meeting them at the privacy of their houses. I personally have no contact with previous relationships. Don't see a point. If they're done and dusted and were no good to proceed as is, they are not great as friends either.

    Thoughts?

    Jok3r
    Veni, vidi, vici.


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